Pretend you’re a writer. It’s easy, I do it everyday. Writing is your dream. Imagine that you’ve worked on your writing your entire life, and just before you’ve gotten that big break, someone swoops in and snatches it out from under you. That would be painful, right? But hey, there are a lot of writers in the world, so it’s tough to make it. Now imagine that you do the most specific thing in the f**king universe. Imagine that you’re a sculptor who has spent four years sculpting a big ass Larry Bird to put in front of the Hulman Center in Terre Haute, Indiana. You’ve worked tirelessly for nearly half a decade to raise money and get every wispy bristle of that Larry Bird college mustache just right. Chances are you are the only person in Terre Haute sculpting a big Larry Bird to stand outside of the arena.

Only, you aren’t.

You find out somebody is donating all the money you’ll need to reach your dreams, with one stipulation: you can’t be a part of it. The want their own guy to sculpt the statue. And they tell you by E-MAIL. God, could you imagine? You picked the most random dream of all time and somebody STILL one-upped you. How could that feel? Well, ask Vigo County sculptor Bill Wolfe.

“It knocked me for a loop,” Wolfe said Wednesday. “I thought, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ It was devastating after all the years working on this.”

C’mon Bill, you live in Vigo County, you should’ve stuck to painting Carpathians. Be sure to read the full article at TribStar.com, especially for the awful, gutwrenching e-mail.

“In closing, I want you to know that I appreciate you meeting with me and discussing this project. I appreciate you letting me borrow your replica statue to help promote the idea of Larry Legend Foundation. I also appreciate the fact that you know this project is long overdue, and at the end of the day ‘money talks,’ and we have now reached our goal of getting a statue for Larry on campus,” the email states.

All it needs is a “see ya, suckerrrrr” at the bottom. Thankfully Wolfe is already an accomplished sculptor with statues all around town, so he’s sure to bounce back. I hear he’s working on a statue of Magic Johnson right now, but can’t get the proper financial aids.

Unless I’m doing the math wrong (not that such a thing has ever happened before) this spring would mark the 30th anniversary of the Indiana State-Michigan State NCAA title game where Larry Bird and Magic Johnson faced off for the very first time. I don’t know if the timing of their showdown was “obvious” to the M&M people, as Sports Biz sensei Darren Rovell iterates.

I get that Bird and Magic are more identifiable when incarnated as candy colored like their professional uniforms. Most people wouldn’t understand Bird colored in Sycamore Blue or Earvin in Spartan Green. But…Magic Johnson looks like Esai Morales, for Pete’s sake. Is that really the message we want to be sending to children–eat our candy and become a handsome, out-of-work actor because of Hollywood racism? Does that contradict the traditional message of “Be completely insulated to the world until you turn 18 and then find yourself woefully unprepared for life?” Hey, I’m just asking here. By the way, I have some new toys here for that toddler of yours. I don’t know why those red Chinese labels are on there. I think that just means that those toys are “extra special.” Read the rest of this entry »

File this one under it's-not-new-but-it's-new-to-me.  Aryan stereotype John sent in this super-sexy Chardon jeans ad from 1982 starring Larry Bird, when roller-skating waitresses and arcades and grinding on roller-skating waitresses in arcades were all the rage.

In retrospect, 1982 was pretty sweet. 

This video from TrueHoop is just one more reason why digital video cameras + YouTube = me loving the 21st Century. The obvious conclusion is that he probably spent hours making these two shots, but on the other hand, it's nice that some of the American youth out there is spending hours goofing around in the gym, when most of their peers are playing HALO and masturbating (hey, that's what your 20s are for!).

Of course, he's got a long way to go until he can play Jordan and Bird for a Big Mac. 

Wow, I never realized that Cosby sweaters came in warm-up form. How many turkeys had to die to make Jordan's outfit? It's almost disturbing as Larry Legend's back hair sweater.