The best flagrant fouls should always involve Tyler Hansbrough.

A few years ago, I was at my local Publix buying some pregnancy tests when I ended up sharing the elevator to the parking garage with Bo Outlaw. Another guy started a conversation with him and asked if fouls were really as bad as some players made them seem, and Outlaw said that NBA players have it worse than NFL players because they don’t get pads. I scoffed at that idea and he looked me dead in the eye and said, “You try being 7-feet tall and getting thrown to the ground while you’re jumping” and I thought to myself, “Well, I’m 5-10, chubby and I don’t jump a lot, so I’ll take your word for it, Chet.”

The point of this week’s edition of “Cool Story, Bro” is that someone named Mike B or Mike 8, depending on your comprehension of fonts, made a video called the NBA Flagrant Foul Mix, and it’s an incredibly hilarious reminder that NBA players have loved beating the sh*t out of each other for a long, long time.

Read the rest of this entry »

During this year’s Summer Olympics, NBC’s best play-by-play analyst was Retta, who plays Donna on ‘Parks And Recreation’. Her tweets about chocolate tumblers and the Olympics trying to break a bitch were amazing, and as sports bloggers it’s our duty to shine the spotlight on every legitimately hilarious person who touches sports.

Not only is Retta’s show one of the best on television right now, it’s also one of the most sports friendly. That makes it a perfect fit for Sports On TV, our column dedicated to the best sports moments of shows about something other than sports. This is the first still-on-the-air show we’ve attempted to cover, so if you’re reading this a year from now and are all, “HEY, WHERE’S THE EPISODE WHERE MCKAYLA MARONEY SHOWS UP AND ANDY WINS THE LONG JUMP” or whatever, give us a break, we aren’t time travelers.

With greatest possible love to Retta, Michael Shur, Greg Daniels and the rest of the talented people making my favorite 30 minutes of any given week, here are our 20 favorite sports moments from ‘Parks And Recreation’. I don’t know what this is, but I want you to read all of it.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you are anything like me, you spent a substantial chunk of your childhood parked in front of the television watching VHS tapes of people doing dunks. I mean, you did other things, too — rode your bike, chucked rocks at stuff, got grounded for cussing, etc. — but, primarily, you wore out the tape on those videocassettes while eating cereal. There were a lot of these videos released in the early-to-mid ’90s, but the gold standard was the NBA Superstars series put together by Hardwood Classics.

NBA Superstars was collection of videos that contained 3-4 minute highlight packages set to popular music from the time, typically focused on an individual player, but occasionally based on a unifying theme. The first one was released in 1990, and contained montages dedicated to Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Dominique Wilkins, Charles Barkley, Isiah Thomas, and Julius Erving, as well as one about players from years past. I love it like a child. So when I found all the clips on YouTube recently, I could not have been more excited, and I felt it was important to share them all with you. Put on your doofy sweaters and grab your synthesizers, people. We’re taking a trip in the Wayback Machine.

NOTE: Did you know there is no Wikipedia entry for the NBA Superstars series? This upsets me on a number of very deep, personal levels.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on Houston rapper Riff Raff, and this is hardly breaking news, but every once in a while it’s fun to stare at a warehouse fire in complete awe. If you’re unfamiliar with Mr. Raff, he got his start on the MTV dating reality series “From G’s to Gents”. Since then, he’s become quite the YouTube star, with his freestyle rap videos racking up tens of thousands of hits. Honestly, I can only wonder, “WHY???”

But some people love the guy, as evidenced by those YouTube hits, Soulja Boy’s eagerness to sign Mr. Raff to his label, his unusual friendship with Simon Rex and Andy Milonakis, and the fact that James Franco will emulate his style and look in the film Spring Breakers. And the reason I bring him up today is because someone recently mentioned one of videos on Twitter and, just like the last time I looked this clown up, I found myself watching all of his videos again.

One of Riff Raff’s common themes appears to be sports references, like his songs “Tiger Woods” (featuring Justin Bieber’s more punchable doppelganger) and “Larry Bird“. But I prefer this video for his song “Jose Conseco” the most, both as an anthem for hater-blocking and because he misspelled our favorite Twitter troll’s name.

Read the rest of this entry »

With the table now set for the NBA Finals, as the Miami Heat will take on the Oklahoma City Thunder starting tomorrow night at 9 PM, I wanted to address a very important topic before we get all analytical on your asses. People have been talking and complaining about the rapidly-spreading fad of NBA players wearing “nerd glasses”, with the most notable attention directed at Dwyane Wade and LeBron James. For some reason, the fact that Wade even wore glasses without lenses has been something that should be talked about.

Fine. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about how this fad isn’t anything new. NBA players have always been notorious trendsetters, starting with their eyewear. It goes back to the very first days of the NBA, as star players like Joe Dribbleguy and Kevin Bouncepass were generating buzz with their own ridiculous glasses.

After the jump, I’ve put together a gallery of the NBA’s biggest legends all wearing their own unique eyewear, on and off the court. And if these players are guilty of anything, it’s wearing glasses that apparently don’t have arms. I mean, what’s up with that?

Read the rest of this entry »

Sports

Gina Carano’s Haywire Has New Photos - I wish I’d been around a couple of years ago to try and convince you “American Gladiators” was a sports thing. I can’t wait to see Gina Carano in movies, where there is a 100% better chance of me seeing her naked. Also, I think the best way to shoot an uzi flamethrower is to hold it as close to your face as possible. [Film Drunk]

Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Larry Bird Cover NBA 2K12 - I approve of this marketing, and think we should erase the last 15 years of NBA history and have continuity pick back up sometime around when Chris Webber showed up. [Smoking Section]

CM Punk Crashes Comic-Con - There are a lot of Comic-Con-related links in today’s Morning, but none as wonderful to me as the WWE Champion showing up and making Bill Simmons feel like he’s got to explain ‘worked shoots’ to us again. Here’s a footnote: you don’t know anything about wrestling. [The Wrestling Blog]

Disgusting Video of the Day: Pat Barry Loses a Wisdom Tooth - He needs a pair of jam shorts that say ‘WARRIOR’ down the side so you know how tough he is for doing this. Also, he should compare himself to a warrior or some sort of Spartan every time he opens his mouth. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

Lockout This: 10 Awesome Sports That Could Replace the NBA - Assuming we don’t move forward with my Zero Hour plan for the NBA, these will be suitable replacements, especially “Octopush”, which is about as close to Blitzball as we’re going to get. Luca Goers for life. [With Leather]

The Dugout: How to Pick Up Soccer Girls on the Internet - I think my professional dream at this point is to have one f**king baseball player say “oh hey, I know about that comic you’ve been making for the last seven years”. I still think Farnsworth turned down an interview with us because we’re the only thing that shows up when you google Kyle Farnsworth. [With Leather]

Tennessee Cops Can’t Find Murder Suspect Because They’re Looking at Porn - Lorenzen Wright’s family might be making it up, but it’s hilarious/depressing to think cops have to let dead people rot because they spent too much time browsing for casual encounters on Craigslist. [With Leather]

Taiwanese Animation Covers Yao Ming - Worth it just to hear an Asian lady say “Charles Barkley”. [With Leather]

Not Sports

A Golden Treasury of Photos from the First Day of Comic-Con 2011 - I want to make it to one of these things one day. I’ve been to a Wizard World and a Motor City Con, but never the big real one. I want to camp out for two weeks and be briefly glared at by Kristen Stewart. :( [UPROXX]

The Best of #Justin Bieber Lulz - In case we aren’t all tired of making fun of this kid by now, here’s a ton of stuff making fun of him. I never hear him on the radio and only see him on TV when people are interviewing him about how popular he is, so I don’t know, I think he’s a figment of our imagination. Let’s direct some of this hatred toward somebody who deserves it, like will.i.am. [UPROXX]

Comic-Con: Beavis and Butthead - I’m so happy about this, and the only news that would’ve been better is ten more seasons of “King of the Hill”. [Collider]

Did you expect Zach Galifianakis to ride something other than a Vespa? - No. [FARK]