He very well could be, at least as far as Esquire magazine’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” tournament is concerned.

Heading into Esquire magazine’s so-called “Sexiest Woman Alive Madness” tournament as the Sports bracket’s Number 16 seed, USC head coach Lane Kiffin has shocked the world by making amazingly easy work of the Number 1 seed, Natalie Gulbis, in the first round. By defeating the gorgeous golfer by a whopping margin of 56% to 44%, Kiffin has advanced to the second round and will now face auto racing Danica Patrick in the Round of 32.

According to the mag, “both have broken barriers for women in sports, and Patrick is tough as they come. But the USC coach is just so… sweet.” (note: the “sweet” alluded to is in reference to this tweet by Kiffin, where he informed his Twitter followers that “Bon jovi was awesome last night!!” When aren’t they, Lane? When aren’t they?

Here is how Esquire sees the upcoming battle between Kiffin and Patrick:

LANE KIFFIN, 34
• Such a pretty girl. Sure raises a ruckus.

DANICA PATRICK, 28
• The prettiest thing in racing since Jeff Gordon.

It is sure to be a thrilling battle of epic proportions between the two lovely ladies – as thrilling as a flawed online vote can be where a person is theoretically allowed to vote multiple times, that is. With that said, be sure to vote here for Kiffin as many times as possible. Few things come to mind that would be more entertaining (in a nightmare fuel kind of way) than Kiffin somehow claiming the title as 2010′s Sexiest Woman Alive and the subsequent sultry photo shoot, a la 2009′s winner, Kate Beckinsale. Scary stuff.

College football’s national signing day was yesterday, and although nobody knows why they have it so close to the end of the season, or why it’s a single day, most people seem to agree that the teams of the Southeastern Conference were the big winners. Five SEC programs made the top ten of both Rivals’ and ESPN‘s recruiting rankings, and Florida’s class was ranked No. 1 by ESPN and Scout.

When Urban Meyer announced he was leaving Florida because of health concerns Dec. 26, it sent shockwaves through college football and into the living rooms of a number of the nation’s top recruits. The Gators already had assembled one of the nation’s best recruiting classes, but many prospects feared what a future without Meyer would bring in Gainesville.

Meyer is known for pouring his heart and soul into the relationships with his players and recruits. Consequently, he quickly changed his mind and decided he would not retire. Instead, Meyer said he would take a short leave of absence – which he said would begin today and end before the start of spring practice. –Rivals

Rivals had Florida ranked first before bumping Meyer’s program to make room for…Southern Cal?! Apparently Lane Kiffin secured commitments from five 4-star recruits as the day wound down, bolstering the Trojans’ incoming class. As for Kiffin’s former program, only Scout had Tennessee out of their top ten. Which would have been better if Auburn, Alabama and LSU weren’t ahead of them. Oh, to be ranked in the top ten nationally, but only fifth in your own conference. I think I just heard Verne Lundquist reach climax.

I’m not sure, but I think the folks over at UT are kinda mad at Lane Kiffin.  Not only did they riot and start fires in the streets, but now they’re rapping about it.  It’s cathartic, or something.  Some of my favorite lines brought to us by the stylings of Brabo Gator are:

“You made a bunch of promises/and then you left us/you screwed us so hard that your wife got jealous

“You didn’t screw us privately/You screwed us in the open/You screwed us so dirty I just hope you wore a Trojan

“You suck/plus your dad about a hundred years old”

I’m just going to go ahead and throw this out there…maybe the Kiffins shouldn’t ever go back to Tennessee ever.  Like, EVER.  Or it sounds like they’ll beat your ass.  Just sayin’.

–Thank you The Best Damn Sports Comedy for the tip!

There have been some fun ancillary reports coming out of Knoxville in the wake of Lane Kiffin’s departure for Southern Cal, mostly about students burning stuff and painting rocks and what have you, but the best for my pesos involves former Tennessee assistant coach Ed Orgeron’s efforts to bring his current crop of recruits with him to Los Angeles.

Former Tennessee recruiting coordinator Ed Orgeron has contacted multiple UT mid-term enrollees and encouraged them not to attend class today so that they can easily leave UT and enroll at Southern California, multiple sources told the News Sentinel.

By attending class today, the nine mid-term enrollees, who have been at UT since Monday, would have to follow strict transfer rules, which include sitting out a year. –GoVolsXtra.

And confirmed reports had Orgeron making some of these calls while Kiffin was still giving his farewell speech to his old team. It’s kind of unreal that USC can hit the ground running like that in somebody else’s building. I don’t fault Kiffin for heading back to familiar territory. Who wouldn’t screech their tires to get out of Tennessee at the first possible chance?

Img from USC Trojans Blog.

Southern Cal has filled their football coaching vacancy. With Lane Kiffin. And the indignation coming out of the Volunteer State is eclipsed only by the desperation of what I thought was the best job in college football. Between the weather, the Pac-10 scheduling, and smatterings of California coeds, no program could sell itself as effortlessly as Southern California football.

Kiffin continues to fail upwards like some sort of entertainment executive at NBC, and doing so in a way that makes landing the top job in Los Angeles almost appropriate. With USC waiting under the NCAA’s hammer, it seems that a guy that spent his one year of experience in FBS racking up minor violations wouldn’t be their guy.

And that’s just the thing. Nobody wanted that job. Jeff Fisher? No thanks. Steve Marriucci? Rolled to voicemail. Hell, Jack Del Rio decided to stayin Jacksonville. Whatever the hell was going on in LA, everyone’s aversion to the job says a lot about the state of that program, and probably gives a clue to why Pete Carroll was so eager to get the hell out of there in the first place.

Raiders owner Al Davis ventured into the light of day, ostensibly to introduce interim coach Tom Cable (although really, is any Raiders coach NOT interim?), but in reality Davis used his time onstage to call Lane Kiffin a “liar,” a “disgrace,” and a “godless child molester.”  That last one I’m just guessing.

At one point, Davis read a three-page letter (written in blood, no doubt) that he sent to Kiffin outlining the former coach’s supposed faults, even placing it on an overhead projector for all to see.  It couldn’t have been easy to borrow that from the Museum of Shit Teachers Used Twenty Years Ago.

Naturally, this circus of the dark arts has made for some awesome columns and blog posts from the media outlets in northern California.

The Mercury News’ Ann Killion:

He dumped all the dirty, disgusting laundry out in front of the television cameras and microphones and notebooks. And the stench was awful.

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