"So I'd like to stay another year and nail many, many attractive college girls."

If USC quarterback Matt Barkley enters the 2012 NFL Draft, he is a Top 10 draft pick, without a doubt. Depending on whether or not the Cleveland Browns decide if they’re content with Colt McCoy instead of selecting one of three seemingly sure-fire NFL QBs, he could even be a Top 5 pick. Of course we also need to see how the Top 10 unfolds, with so many terrible teams still jostling for position, but in my cold, dark heart, I know he was going to be a Miami Dolphin.

And then he had to be a big ol’ jerk and stay at school for his senior year.

Matt showed Kiffin an ornament he had made for him that had Barkley and Kiffin embracing after the USC-Colorado game in November, in which Barkley set the school’s single-game touchdown passes record. Below the picture, it read, “2011 Great Memories.”

Kiffin looked at the ornament hastily made out of cardboard and said, “That’s neat. Cool ornament, Matt.”

Barkley then said, “Turn it over, Coach.”

Kiffin had to read the hand-written inscription twice for the words to sink in: “One more year. To the memories next year.”

(Via ESPN LA)

My overwhelming disappointment aside, this is a bold but understandable choice by Barkley. On one hand, he loses the substantial payday he was guaranteed as one of the three franchise QBs – the others being Robert Griffin III and that Stanford kid nobody talks about – taken in the first round, but he doesn’t necessarily seem like a guy who is too worried about waiting another year for that coin.

On the other hand, he can help guide the Trojans out of their humiliating suspension by making a National Title run next year, and if they look anything like they did this season, the Trojans will definitely be in the thick of it. And that stinks, because nobody wants to see Lane Kiffin win.

The Second Harvest Food Bank in Kingston, Tennessee has withdrawn from a fundraiser that is being sponsored by Frontier Firearms because the nonprofit’s leadership believes the theme is in poor taste. That theme? Shooting at Lane and Monte Kiffin bobbleheads. In the wake of the tragedy in Arizona, the Food Bank has backed out due to complaints from area residents, marking the second time in 17 years that the organization has refused a fundraiser, said Executive Director Elaine Streno.

Frontier is still moving forward with the event, charging $5 per bobblehead and the company will give the money to basically any charity that wants it. And as the ED of Burnsy’s Home for Wayward Hot Sorority Girls, I will gladly accept the money for my new Pudding Wrestling Scholarship.

Hold a grudge over a sh*tty coach for me, USA Today:

Frontier Firearms president Brant Williams says he has perhaps 800 bobbleheads of Lane and his father, USC defensive coordinator Monte, and the event will go on regardless of anyone cringing because it comes on the heels of the Arizona shootings.

Williams points out that YouTube is littered with comic explosions of celebrity bobbleheads and said by phone from his Kingston store that, “Nobody is going to leave our range after shooting a Lane Kiffin boobblehead [sic] with a desire to go shoot Lane Kiffin.”

I love that they spelled it “boobblehead” because the word boob makes me giggle endlessly. Williams added that this is just typical sports behavior and that fans have the ability to check their hatred at the door. In related news, people in Tennessee need to move on already.

Local news report about the fundraiser after the jump…

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Lane Kiffin must be pretty down in the dumps. After his awkward departure from Tennessee in January, the coach has had to deal with the backlash of the NCAA’s investigation of the Reggie Bush scandal, you know, when Pete Carroll was the team’s coach. Carroll was able to get out of dodge, and over to the greener pastures of the NFL’s Seattle Seahawks, while Kiffin was hired to be his fall guy. The NCAA laid the metaphorical smack-down on the Trojan’s football program to the tune of a two year postseason ban, four years of probation, the loss of scholarships, while being forced to forfeit every victory during the 2004 season. Players that are currently under scholarship are allowed to transfer without penalty, and recruits are given that same ability.

One recruit who’s taking advantage of that ability is Seantrel Henderson, the nation’s top ranked offensive tackle. Henderson, who’s listed somewhere between 295-330 lbs depending on who’s reporting, will be let go out of his letter of intent and reopen his recruiting. Someone else who wishes he could reopen his recruiting? Lane Kiffin.

Henderson, an incoming freshman and one of the nation’s top recruits, signed with USC after initially delaying past national signing day over concerns the program might face NCAA sanctions, which indeed occurred.

Henderson also strongly considered Miami, Ohio State and Minnesota during the recruiting process. –ESPN LA

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The University of Southern California football program is expected to receive a two-year postseason ban from the NCAA today, and the Trojans could also forfeit up to 20 scholarships and possibly some wins from previous seasons. College football’s governing body has been investigating allegations that a sports marketer provided rent-free housing for Reggie Bush and his family during his 2003-05 tenure at USC, an accusation that could cost Kim Kardashian’s former sugar daddy his Heisman Trophy. It’s almost as if – almost – that Pete Carroll saw this coming.

This is certainly a taxing situation for new USC coach Lane Kiffin, who is widely regarded as one of the most respected and honest coaches in college football*. Kiffin has fought considerably in his career to climb the coaching ladder** by working diligently in building strong winning records*** and establishing legacies at every stop along the way****. However, with only a two-year ban, Kiffin should have more than enough time to continue rebuilding and help return the Trojans to national title contention when the ban is lifted in 2012.

* Fart noise.
** Fallen ass backwards.
*** 12-21 career in college and NFL.
**** He’s marked for death in Tennessee.

Throw down the fiery thunder of justice, FOX Sports:

You want to punish USC, NCAA? You want to do something with some teeth that will keep programs from cheating? Force the school to give back its share of 2004 bowl money, TV revenue, and the dough made from merchandise and ticket sales. Force USC to open the 2004 books, and whatever the football team brought in, that’s the fine. If the season didn’t happen and the wins are vacated, then so should the revenue made off of them.

Haha, good one, Pete Fiutak.

The last time USC football received a punishment was in 2001, so the NCAA isn’t likely to slap the “repeat offender” tag on the Trojans. However, many see this “punishment” as too light and a slap on the wrist, but the current USC players are taking this very seriously. In fact, quarterback Matt Barkley is worried about the impact this will have on game attendance, so he is taking his efforts to Twitter, where he responded to the NCAA suspension by tweeting at Taylor Swift to attend a USC game.

Matt Leinart immediately called sloppy seconds.

He very well could be, at least as far as Esquire magazine’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” tournament is concerned.

Heading into Esquire magazine’s so-called “Sexiest Woman Alive Madness” tournament as the Sports bracket’s Number 16 seed, USC head coach Lane Kiffin has shocked the world by making amazingly easy work of the Number 1 seed, Natalie Gulbis, in the first round. By defeating the gorgeous golfer by a whopping margin of 56% to 44%, Kiffin has advanced to the second round and will now face auto racing Danica Patrick in the Round of 32.

According to the mag, “both have broken barriers for women in sports, and Patrick is tough as they come. But the USC coach is just so… sweet.” (note: the “sweet” alluded to is in reference to this tweet by Kiffin, where he informed his Twitter followers that “Bon jovi was awesome last night!!” When aren’t they, Lane? When aren’t they?

Here is how Esquire sees the upcoming battle between Kiffin and Patrick:

LANE KIFFIN, 34
• Such a pretty girl. Sure raises a ruckus.

DANICA PATRICK, 28
• The prettiest thing in racing since Jeff Gordon.

It is sure to be a thrilling battle of epic proportions between the two lovely ladies – as thrilling as a flawed online vote can be where a person is theoretically allowed to vote multiple times, that is. With that said, be sure to vote here for Kiffin as many times as possible. Few things come to mind that would be more entertaining (in a nightmare fuel kind of way) than Kiffin somehow claiming the title as 2010′s Sexiest Woman Alive and the subsequent sultry photo shoot, a la 2009′s winner, Kate Beckinsale. Scary stuff.

College football’s national signing day was yesterday, and although nobody knows why they have it so close to the end of the season, or why it’s a single day, most people seem to agree that the teams of the Southeastern Conference were the big winners. Five SEC programs made the top ten of both Rivals’ and ESPN‘s recruiting rankings, and Florida’s class was ranked No. 1 by ESPN and Scout.

When Urban Meyer announced he was leaving Florida because of health concerns Dec. 26, it sent shockwaves through college football and into the living rooms of a number of the nation’s top recruits. The Gators already had assembled one of the nation’s best recruiting classes, but many prospects feared what a future without Meyer would bring in Gainesville.

Meyer is known for pouring his heart and soul into the relationships with his players and recruits. Consequently, he quickly changed his mind and decided he would not retire. Instead, Meyer said he would take a short leave of absence – which he said would begin today and end before the start of spring practice. –Rivals

Rivals had Florida ranked first before bumping Meyer’s program to make room for…Southern Cal?! Apparently Lane Kiffin secured commitments from five 4-star recruits as the day wound down, bolstering the Trojans’ incoming class. As for Kiffin’s former program, only Scout had Tennessee out of their top ten. Which would have been better if Auburn, Alabama and LSU weren’t ahead of them. Oh, to be ranked in the top ten nationally, but only fifth in your own conference. I think I just heard Verne Lundquist reach climax.