At this point, even Lance Armstrong thinks he did drugs. It’s like the cop who scared Chris Rock into thinking he’d stolen his own car. Lance just sort of sits there in his tightest yellow shirt, sipping a cup of hot water, wondering whether or not that cough drop he sucked on back in 1995 was a performance enhancing drug (by definition, yes, it was).

Armstrong’s lawyers are still pretty mad about the whole thing, and sent a letter of protest to CBS News Chairman and 60 Minutes executive producer Jeff Fager in regard to the latest 60 Minutes investigation. This is following last week’s quotes from the head of Switzerland’s anti-doping laboratory, who denied that Armstrong had failed a doping test (as opposed to a “dope” test, which would be open-book) during the 2001 Tour de Suisse.

“In the cold light of morning your story was either extraordinarily shoddy, to the point of being reckless and unprofessional, or a vicious hit-and-run job,” lawyer Elliot Peters wrote. “In either case, a categorical on-air apology is required.”

Peters added that the show ignored evidence from Armstrong’s camp prior to the broadcast that the Swiss-related claims were false.

“What is particularly disturbing is that ’60 Minutes’ had access to the true facts, could easily have verified them, and apparently chose instead to broadcast untruths and then layer innuendo on top of the falsehoods,” Peters said.

CBS News spokesman Kevin Tedesco said Wednesday he was unable comment on the letter, but added about the “60 Minutes” report: “We consider this the most thorough investigation into doping in the sport of cycling ever done.”

Demanding an apology from CBS? Good luck. I’ve been waiting like 17 years for an apology for “The Golden Palace”.

I hate the word “doping.” It makes it sound like they rounded up a bunch of bean bag chairs and listened to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers while they got lit with my uncle. But yeah, Lance is getting dangerously close to Roger Clemens territory, where he’s either going to stand on top of the Empire State Building and make shame fingers at us for the rest of our lives or jump his bike off the side of a cliff. There needs to be a definitive conclusion to this. A big “yes” box and a big “no” box, and if “no” is checked, every cyclist worse than Armstrong should legally have to shut the f**k up for eternity.

And if they check yes, we should get a new famous cyclist.

[via LA Times]

That one bicycle race in France is happening right now. It’s the one where they literally tour the country, oh, what’s it called again? Anyway, our not-quite-fallen hero Lance Armstrong hasn’t been doing so hot. He’s not even the fastest rider on his team, and the one that is, Levi Leipheimer, is more than five minutes off the pace.

His entire team, in fact, is riding in a way that indicates they are primarily focused not on sheltering Leipheimer but on winning the team classification — a ranking based on the times of the first three riders of each team who finish each day. If RadioShack maintains its 4:10 gap over Caisse d’Epargne in this category, they will get to stand in front of the crowd during the awards ceremony in Paris and earn 50,000 euro. –MSNBC.

I really don’t know what any of that means, other than “no eighth Tour de France win for Lance Armstrong.” But if there’s a silver lining to mediocrity, it’s that people stop accusing you of cheating. Of course, there’s a better way–just don’t go to France. The French don’t really know what it means to work at anything. Just think of all the caffeine that they waste in a given day.

This is what the ninth circle of hell is like

Mr. Landis said that Mr. Armstrong’s longtime coach, Johan Bruyneel, introduced Mr. Landis to the use of steroid patches, blood doping and human growth hormone in 2002 and 2003, his first two years on the U.S. Postal Service team. He alleged Mr. Armstrong helped him understand the way the drugs worked. “He and I had lengthy discussions about it on our training rides during which time he also explained to me the evolution of EPO testing and how transfusions were now necessary due to the inconvenience of the new test,” Mr. Landis claimed in the email. He claimed he was instructed by Mr. Bruyneel how to use synthetic EPO and steroids and how to carry out blood transfusions that doping officials wouldn’t be able to detect. –WSJ.com

Lance had been in the steroid conversations a couple of years ago, but has managed to keep his reputation in tact. Well, as much as he could after banging Sheryl Crow. Read the rest of this entry »

Alberto Contador won the Tour de France for the second time today, capping a dominating three-week performance.  His Astana teammate, some guy named Lance Armstrong, finished third.

Over nearly 3,500 kilometers and 21 stages of races over three weeks, Contador repelled many challenges in the mountains, excelled in the two time-trials — winning a pivotal race against the clock in the 18th stage — and won the first Alpine stage.

Contador, the 2007 champion, also had to battle a rearguard action [hee hee! - Ed.] within his Astana team, where the comeback of Armstrong to the Tour after 3 1/2 years of retirement raised questions about who would be the team leader. [source]

This concludes With Leather’s cycling coverage until next year, unless Armstrong bangs Megan Fox or someone tries to have sex with a bicycle.  Hey, don’t scoff.  It’s happened before.

Before the latest Tour de France started last week, Lance Armstrong was saying all the right things in relation to his new team, Astana. Sure, Lance would play a support role for team leader Alberto Contador. Sure, Lance wouldn’t try and upset the hierarchy of the team format which is the status quo for all Tour competitors. Yeah…about that…

“I am not ok with that theory saying there can be only one team leader,” said Armstrong.

“I have won seven Tours de France, I will have to be counted in.”

Armstrong’s remarks come after his amazing push in stage 3 yesterday that saw him move within 40 seconds of the overall lead, 19 seconds in front of would-be leader Contador. Team Astana, to their credit, is downplaying the feat.

Astana sports director Alain Gallopin said there would not be any problems within the team even though Armstrong has somehow upset the hierarchy. “There are no troubles at all in our team, it’s even the contrary,” he said.

Contador said what happened on Monday was unlikely to change his fate. “I do want to comment on the tactics of the team,” he said. “Everyone can draw their own conclusions. Anyway, the Tour will not be decided with what has happened today. It’s just a race incident.”

That’s a relief, because the last thing I need is to start caring about cycling again. It’s like NASCAR without the…beer? I don’t care much about people on bikes unless they’re wearing conical straw hats and pajamas, if you know what I mean. But, seriously, Lance. You’ve got a lot of ball pulling stuff like that so early in the race.

France’s anti-doping agency is at it again with Lance Armstrong, better known as The Only Reason America Pretends To Care About Cycling. Armstrong is now under fire for not respecting, uh, “the obligation to remain under the direct and permanent observation” of a doctor assigned to him on the day of a substance test. Creeeeeepy:

At question is a 20-minute delay when Armstrong says the tester agreed to let him shower while the American rider’s assistants checked the tester’s credentials. AFLD said cycling’s governing body has given its permission to open disciplinary procedures against Armstrong, but did not say what the punishment could be.

AFLD president Pierre Bordry noted that the statement does not say that Armstrong is guilty of an infraction. AFLD is expected to make a decision on whether to proceed with sanctions after its nine-member ruling committee has considered the tester’s report.

I have no idea whether or not Armstrong is dirty, but I respect the “game within the game” that PED testing has become over the past 20 years. If you don’t get caught, that’s as good as not having done it for me, since all these other clowns are out there shooting each other in the ass with who-knows what. Just because The White Barry Bonds doesn’t shave his legs and take part in their spandex circle-jerk doesn’t ruin his standing in a sport where he’s the only reason I even care. Besides, anything that annoys the French is automatically awesome.

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