so uh, is this guy on drugs, or what

What you’re watching, if you’re one of the souls brave enough to enter a “Tim Tebow gets humped” post and hit play on the video, is NFL Network analyst Michael Irvin getting an early Christmas gift from the NFL Gameday Morning team and going buck-f**king wild on it. It’s a little kid horsey with TEBOW written on the side. Then, if you need more context, a guy in a blood red suit looking way too much like the devil moves his wiener around on it and makes an O-face about how he’s gonna “ride it to the Supa Bo’” while some cackling guys in business suits a bunch of women in Santa suits stand around in the background smiling. It’s more or less the ass-to-ass scene from Requiem For A Dream, if I’m remembering that film correctly.

This is easily the worst thing to happen to the Cowboys since everything else on Christmas eve.

[via Joe Montana's Right Arm]

In case you didn’t get enough sucking motions out of Mark Sanchez last night, scenic Brooklyn is apparently the place to be for all your air fornication needs. On October 9, the Music Hall of Williamsburg in Brooklyn will host the 2010 Championships of Air Sex. You know how when your 46-year old co-worker gets really drunk at happy hour and demands that he play air keyboard to Final Countdown? Well imagine him dry humping the wind instead, and voila! You’ve got the Championships of Air Sex.

But it’s not just about dry humping, friends. There’s so much more in celebrating this lack of a sex partner, with contestants using toys, props, interpretive motion and their God-given creativity to astound a crowd of hundreds, who have apparently never heard of strip clubs. And that’s the good part for those of you with gentle eyes. There is no nudity and all orgasms must be legitimate. Legitimately fake, that is. I mean, who wants to have sex and actually enjoy it? *receives stern look from college girlfriends*

Please tell me that someone is willing to take describing this stuff to a whole disgusting new level, Brooklyn Paper:

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