The 2011 Teen Choice Awards took place on Sunday and if you’re unfamiliar with the event, it’s basically a competition between PR reps, agents, and studios to whore not only their young talent (and their respective vehicles) out to the most important demographic, but also their aging and increasingly irrelevant stars of TV and movies. It’s also a spectacular example of why even 18 is too young for people to be voting. Go ahead and make the national voting age 17, and I guarantee we’ll welcome President Kevin James in 2012.

My typical cynicism would suggest that I’m not a fan of award shows, and that’s a valid estimation, as I believe shows like the Golden Globes, MTV anything awards, ESPYs, and even the Grammys are so void of credibility that even getting upset about them is a waste of time. So why then would I waste my time on a rant on something as decreasingly credible as the Teen Choice Awards? Because I’ve had about enough of these kids on my damn lawn.

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On the next episode of Entourage...

A few weeks ago, I made fun of Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh because he had such a typical and unoriginal bachelor party for a guy who is the highest paid player on a team that features LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. Bosh, of course, took some friends to Las Vegas, just like your best friend, old college frat buddy, and 90% of male Americans. So what did New Jersey Nets forward and future Mr. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries do for his bachelor party? He went to Las Vegas with all of his friends and teammates.

Just kidding, he was with the other male Kardashian accessories, Lamar Odom, Rob Kardashian and Scott Disdik, who has never made a facial expression in his life. So what was Kim up to? She was partying with her girls. Then they ruined Humphries’ life fun.

Later, Kim crashed her fiance’s stag party at Lavo in Vegas around 2 a.m., where the 6 ft 9 inch power forward partied with Kim’s brother Rob, Khloe’s husband, Lamar Odom, and a gaggle of NBA stars.

Of course, it was all filmed for an upcoming episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians on E! Entertainment TV. So check your local listings! (Via Sandra Rose)

Haha, you bet I will!

As for that “gaggle” of NBA stars, I’ve looked and looked but I can’t find another name other than Odom. People says that he was with “several NBA players” but your guess is as good as mine. Then again, it’s not like Humphries is exactly Mr. Popular so I shouldn’t be surprised that Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard and Blake Griffin were no-shows.

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The banner image is from an article on Huffington Post yesterday about reports from Media Takeout that Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom and his wife Khloe Kardashian were in a horrific, terrifying, catastrophic car accident and apparently almost died in the process. In fact, Media Takeout called the wreck “DEVASTATING” while describing how Odom’s new car “SMASHED” into a motorcyclist while Odom was DRIVING TO A BARBER SHOP. Sorry, I was bitten by the sensationalist bug there for a second.

In reality, the accident was pretty bad… for the motorcyclist and a pedestrian. Lamar and Khloe – or Khlomar, as they’ve asked me to call them – are just fine.

The cyclist is now in ELMHURST hospital in Queens. Early reports are that a YOUNG BOY – who was a pedestrian IN THE VICINITY when the accident occurred was also SERIOUSLY INJURED.

We’re told that neither Lamar, nor his wife Khloe Kardashian who is in NYC with him, were injured. (Via Media Takeout)

Seriously, the people at Media Takeout write like they have Tourette’s, but the main emphasis in this report is on Khloe being unharmed. Mainly because it would have been remarkable for her to be injured when she wasn’t even with her husband. But I know I shouldn’t be surprised that a tabloid gossip site like MTO would stoop to posting misleading headlines to attract traffic (says the guy throwing out 50-page slideshows of Kate Upton’s big ol’ bags) but I expect a little more out of Huffington Post. I’m not sure why, but I do. As for MTO, though, I think the site’s ambitious headline writing and target audience can best be summed up by commenter, urboysdreamgirl504…

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Well it’s official. As of 12:01 AM ET, the NBA is locked out. We knew it was coming so there was no shocking revelation, but it’s still a pretty empty feeling for fans when they realize that their favorite athletes aren’t going to be suiting up anytime soon. Especially NBA players since this lockout just looks so damn bad. Take the above image, for example. That was NBA.com at 12:02 last night, a clear sign to fans and players that the league means only business. Of course the site is almost back to a normal template, as opposed to “Baby’s First Blog”, but at the very least it was a brief message to everybody to get comfortable, because this thing isn’t going anywhere.

I woke up to an email from the Orlando Magic this morning, thanking me for being a season ticket holder and assuring me that they’re doing everything within their power to end this lockout soon. As I read it, all I could picture was Gilbert Arenas planking on a gigantic pile of money and Dwight Howard doing backflips off of jet skis. And, of course, the Magic charged me for my tickets today, so that was a good feeling. But as a fan of the game, this just sucks. For some reason I’m bothered by this lockout considerably more than the NFL lockout, and I think that it’s because I know that the NFL will get its sh*t together very soon and start operating business as usual. The NBA, though, is in some deep, deep crap. Like I wrote yesterday, the players and owners are $7 billion apart on a new CBA. Does anyone really think that Players Association President Derek Fisher and the NBAPA are going to roll over and give up the anchor-esque mid-level and max contracts that got us to where we are today? Hell no. So buckle up, friends. This thing is gonna get nasty.

In the meantime, as I love to do, I perused the Twitterverse to check up on some of the NBA’s bigger names and… well, there wasn’t as much chatter as I expected. But I pulled some of the better responses to the lockout from last night and this morning in case you missed it.

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Khloe Kardashian is famous because her sister, Kim, made a sex tape with Brandy’s brother and her father helped O.J. Simpson get away with murder (allegedly). Then she became even more famous because she married Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom and America is full of idiots that like to watch talentless people in their everyday routines under the guise of reality programming. Thus, Lamar & Khloe debuted on the third horseman of the network apocalypse, E!, last night and I watched it so I could tell you all about how horrifying it was.

And it did not let me down. Some of the highlights include…

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Sadly, Lamar tapped out a long time ago.

A few months ago, we brought you news that Los Angeles Lakers sweet tooth Lamar Odom and his chupacabra wife Khloe Kardashian would be releasing their own designer fragrance for both men and women. And if you were holding your breath and praying for its release, well wait no longer – “Unbreakable” has arrived. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, Perfumania will be fully stocked with Khlomar’s new fragrance, which includes a variety of unique ingredients that come together to define this unisex scent of love:

It possesses a blend of Italian bergamot, sparkling clementine, Asian saffron, green apple, African geranium, sheer jasmine, lily of the valley, juicy red fruits, texas cedarwood, tonka bean, vanilla bean and dark chocolate. (Via Celebrity Mania)

I guessed a sweaty bag of Skittles and Pacific Ocean seaweed. Close enough.

Video for Unbreakable after the jump…

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