First the sort-of-good news: Kim Kardashian and her cackling harpy sisters were informed by at least three exclusive neighborhoods in Miami over the past few weeks that they had no chance in hell of moving in for the filming of their next season of E!’s Kardashian Apocalypse, or whatever it’s called. But then, the bad news is that a neighborhood finally accepted them and they’re already making Miami an even less desirable place to live.

The interesting thing about that is that it means Khloe Kardashian-Odom will be all the way across the country from her husband and Los Angeles Clippers forward, Lamar Odom. Gee, I wonder if that will lead to any rumors about their relationship.

Khloe Kardashian was probably shocked to learn that she is the focus of a magazine cover story this week that claims her husband has visited a divorce lawyer to get out of the marriage while keeping his $67 million fortune. Khloe is now speaking out on the story, according to a new “Hollywood Life” report released on Oct. 17, and she is denying that her husband visited a divorce lawyer. (Via Examiner, which really loves using “In fact”)

Khlomar actually won’t be that far apart, as the Kris Jenner daughter that probably didn’t come from Robert Kardashian has signed on to judge The X Factor, because she obviously knows when someone is not talented. But that kind of reasoning won’t sell ad space, and it also won’t provide good drama for the Kardashians’ ridiculously scripted show.

So let’s turn up the rumor mill a little more with our very first edition of With Leather’s new gossip magazine, “On the Rag”. Check out this week’s cover after the jump…

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"LOL, I'm out."

In a story that belongs right alongside “Fabio Hit In Face By Bird While Riding Rollercoaster Test-Run In Virginia”, the sports news stars have aligned for maximum celebrity ridiculousness for “Laverne From ‘Laverne & Shirley’ Scammed Out Of 5,000 Dollars By A Guy Pretending To Be Lamar Odom’s Assistant”. Yes, this actually happened. No, the assistant wasn’t just Squiggy in a wig.

From TMZ, who probably did a full Kevin McAllister fist-pump when this broke:

Sources tell TMZ the double-cross started at a Lakers game last month … when a man claiming to be LO’s assistant gave Penny a phone number he said was Lamar’s. We’re told Penny and the person she thought was Lamar texted back and forth for several days — when finally “Lamar” asked her to loan his assistant a chunk o’ cash. Ever the faithful Lakers fan, Penny forked over more than five grand to the faux “assistant.”

The “assistant” and “Lamar” both stopped responding to Penny soon after. Concerned, according to TMZ, Marshall went to the LAPD, who have since opened up a grand theft investigation.

This story is so great and unbelievable (Penny Marshall hasn’t been in Hollywood long enough to know you don’t randomly wire $5,000 to a stranger?) that I’m gonna say it’s total horsesh*t, and that TMZ put together a story with the perfect storm of people who don’t have the Internet (Penny Marshall) and people so desperate to be on the Internet they’ll roll with anything (Lamar Odom, et al.) that it could be 100% untrue and nobody’d be around to call them on it. They should follow it up with a story about how Courtney Stodden repelled into Laverne’s mansion and stole the cursive L’s from her sweaters. ONTD would be reporting that sh*t as fact in 15 minutes.

My other option is to believe this is true, and Lamar Odom desperately needs money so he texted all the famous Los Angeles sports fans he knew to beg them for money … but he didn’t want to seem pathetic asking himself, so he pretended to be his own assistant. So Penny Marshall finally agrees to send him cash, but wakes up one morning going HEYYYY LAMAR ODOM DOESN’T HAVE AN ASSISTANT ARGLE BARGLE and cancels the check. And poor Lamar is just left there swaying to and fro forlornly in his Sex Swing.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.

I took a couple weeks off from doing these here ROFLMNBAO posts for two reasons: 1) because the last two weeks of the season were soooooo boring and B) I forgot. But I figured what better time than now to resume posting these NBA meme pictures since the news that they’re so in demand. Form a line to the left, attractive girls who want to give me money to create ridiculously corny-sounding sites!

Also, I figured it was a better time than any for this week’s installment with the playoffs in full swing and individual awards being presented by the league. As we already know, Tyson Chandler is the Defensive Player of the Year, Jason Kidd received the Sportsmanship Award and Gregg Popovich is the Coach of the Year. “What about the other awards?” you ask while peeling apart the pages of my vintage Hustler collection. The NBA is taking its sweet ass time with those, so I’m issuing my own awards.

A lot happened in this condensed season, so it’s only fair that we recognize everyone for their efforts.

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And here I didn't think Weezer could sink any lower.

The Dallas Mavericks traded for reigning NBA 6th Man Lamar Odom because they needed some veteran leadership off the bench, but mainly because they wanted to free up cap space to sign Deron Williams and possibly Dwight Howard. Well the space has been cleared, because Odom and the Mavs have broken up.

Cue the sad reality show music and Khloe Kardashian wiping her tears away with the money of lonely people.

“The Mavericks and I have mutually agreed that it’s in the best interest of both parties for me to step away from the team,” Odom said in a statement to ESPN.com. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out better for both of us, but I wish the Mavs’ organization, my teammates and Dallas fans nothing but continued success in the defense of their championship.” (Via ESPN)

Odom will be listed as inactive for the rest of the season, which is a smart move for the Mavs, because they can still dangle his expiring contract as a trade piece in the offseason. Odom can be bought out for the very reasonable price of $2.4 million before June 29, which is quite the deal for teams looking to give away money.

Obviously no teams are going to be legitimately interested in a guy who only scored 6 points per game for the defending champs and was constantly distracted by his personal life that includes a reality show with his wife, who is a part of the world’s most fame-whoring family.

Then again, this guy still has a job, so anything is possible…

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The sports world is abuzz with the news that a Magic-Johnson fronted group broke the dang old bank in order to purchase the Dodgers for over $2 billion, which is a figure so absurd that it may as well be written like a comic strip character says cuss words.

“Yes  Mr. McCourt, and our counter-offer is #!%*& dollars.”

Anyway, it’s no secret by now that Magic Johnson, while not a billionaire himself, is a mega-entrepreneur and philanthropist. Already in 2012, he’s bought a baseball team and announced he’s launching a television network. What’s next, a chain of restaurants that are like Applebee’s, but with edible food? A series of Wal*Mart-style superstores? It’s almost like he’s some kind of business wizard. Almost like he’s … gathering spectacular assets.

Wait a minute. Wizard … gathering … Magic … I think we may be on to something here, ladies and gentlemen. In the spirit of Magic Johnson’s spectacular purchase, I am pleased to present the nerdiest sequence of jokes to ever appear on With Leather. It is my pleasure to present to you a very special type of card game: a collectible one.

Faithful readers, I proudly present Magic Johnson: The Gathering.
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The Dallas Mavericks have assigned Lamar Odom to their D-League affiliate, the Texas Legends, on what’s being called a “rehab stint” to “get his legs back under him”. Some view the demotion as a way to remove Khloe Kardashian from the sports landscape like one might remove a clump of cat urine from a rancid litter box, while others see it as a pretty direct “go away forever for that thing you did with the sex swing“.

From Tracking:

Odom is expected to practice with the Texas Legends on Friday afternoon and play Saturday, at home against the Austin Toros. Meanwhile, the Mavs’ big club plays at New Orleans on Friday night. The team has already announced that Odom won’t make the trip.

Odom is in the twilight of his career and has been around the league for 12 years, so he’d be a great fit in Boston. He could end up being sent to Phoenix in exchange for Steve Nash (because Jason Kidd can’t be the wise old point guard forever), or maybe he’ll just get bought out by the Mavs and see how long the Kardashians keep him on their shows when his job is “ex-basketball star”.

Or, you know, best case scenario, he could use his time with the Legends to refocus his life, work on his game, get those legs under him and come back to the league a better, happier player. Yeah, that’s probably not going to happen.

A source told Jeff Caplan of ESPN Dallas that there’s “a growing feeling in the locker room that Odom might not return at all.”

That’s pretty conservative of them. I would’ve fired dude the second I found out he thought he could get into a sex swing with his underwear on.