Or, “Dude, yer gettin’ arrested for a hate crime”.

From the Detroit Free Press:

Detroit Tigers outfielder Delmon Young was arrested and faces a hate crime-related charge in connection with a dispute outside a hotel along New York’s 6th Avenue early this morning, a New York police spokesman told the Free Press.

“Basically, there was an incident at the hotel (and) some anti-Semitic remarks,” said Det. Joseph Cavitolo, who added that alcohol was involved.

Our exclusive, three-part report on this very serious matter is after the jump.

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He’s not technically a Baltimore Oriole anymore, but when the O’s disassociate themselves from you you’re an Oriole until proven otherwise. From an AP report:

SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic (AP) Former major leaguer Vladimir Guerrero said he has surrendered to police after authorities contend he attacked a police officer in a disco. Guerrero denied being part of an attack.

Police said no charges have been filed against Guerrero following the mayhem in Nizao, about 40 miles from Santo Domingo.

Maximo Baez Aybar, a spokesman for the police in the Dominican Republic, maintained Guerrero “physically attacked” police officer Renato Pena Rojas after a brawl broke out in the disco. Baez Aybar asked that Guerrero turn himself in “so the case can be put in the hands of the justice system.”

Thanks to chatroom technology we can jump to the moment of the arrest and find out exactly what happened, pending my ability to remember Spanish. Today’s Opening Days Dugout (which was originally just the above picture with FLAGGERERRO written at the bottom) is after the jump.

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The key words here are “and other devices”.

Houston Astros’ outfielder Jordan Schafer has been arrested in Florida and charged with felony possession of marijuana.

According to an arrest report from the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s office, Schafer was arrested early Tuesday morning in Tampa after a traffic stop and was released on a $2,000 cash bond. It wasn’t clear if he had an attorney.

A police report says that black Land Rover driven by Schafer with its windows open pulled up next to a police car. Police say officers noticed a strong marijuana smell and saw Schafer smoking a marijuana cigarette.

Baseball players are doing drugs! Here at The Dugout we try to approach each breaking news bit about pro athlete substance abuse with dignity and respect, especially if we’ve never heard of the player, and pending that player not being Manny Ramirez or someone whose wife-beating bullsh*t makes us too sad for jokes. I don’t even think Jordan Schafer’s parents know who Houston Astros outfielder Jordan Schafer is, so here’s a rundown of exactly what happened when he was arrested. And yes, the part about him having weed peanut butter cups is real.

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Tampa Bay Ray Evan Longoria was robbed during Spring Training, and yesterday he was able to find some closure. From a report via Tampa’s News Leader™ WTSP 10

A Port Charlotte man was arrested Wednesday for his involvement in the burglary and grand theft of a Tampa Bay Rays spring training rental home earlier this year.

Steven Charles Vaughn, 22, is charged with Armed Burglary of an Unoccupied Dwelling, Grand Theft and Dealing in Stolen Property. Vaughn was already in jail on unrelated charges.

While the Rays were at a spring training game in nearby Charlotte Stadium on March 26, thieves got into their home and stole $60,000 worth of items, including numerous electronics, watches, jewelry and an AK-47 that belonged to third baseman Evan Longoria.

His jewelry and his what?

Yes, apparently Evan Longoria has a stash of automatic weapons in his home, and it may or may not be because he’s one of Gillette’s “Young Guns”. Regardless, it’s always good when a robbery gets solved, and The Dugout is pleased to present this exclusive transcript of the police report that led to an arrest. Of, uh, a guy already in jail. But still.

Today’s Dugout is after the jump.

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It looks like Alex Rodriguez is going to be in a lot of trouble. Well, a little trouble. Okay, no trouble whatsoever.

Via ESPN, who can get their own hyperlinks:

Major League Baseball is taking “very seriously” the allegations that Alex Rodriguez took part in some illegal, underground poker games, one of which reportedly turned violent, and he could face suspension if his participation in the games is confirmed.

“We take this very seriously and have been investigating this matter since the initial allegation,” MLB said in a statement. “As part of the investigation, the commissioner’s office will interview Mr. Rodriguez.”

Of course, no investigation would be necessary if Major League Baseball would just moderate their own chatrooms. Today The Dugout has an exclusive look at Alex Rodriguez’s sexy dangerous parties in the seedy underbelly of high-stakes poker. Man, I’m going to get him in so much trouble. I feel like Sports By Brooks!

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Jim Thome is batting about .001 this season for the Twins, but he’s closing in on 600 home runs, and the one thing Thome has never been lacking is raw, monstrous cornfed power. If you didn’t see him crank #596, it was the longest and most awesome looking/sounding homer in Target Field history, going farther than the previous champ: a different Jim Thome home run. I’ll let the animated gif (with a hat tip to my good friend and associate Jon Bois) do the recapping.

Be sure to watch that gif for about twenty minutes before reading today’s Dugout. It makes the strip better, and honestly the longer you watch it the funnier it gets. After about eight minutes you expect Thome and Delmon Young to turn and look at you through your computer screen.

Today’s Dugout is after the jump.

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