Right now you’re probably saying, “But With Leather, Hulk Hogan lost his dignity YEARS ago!” Yes, I’ve seen Mr. Nanny, but you can always give more.

What you’re watching is a clip from the #ChallengeHulk series, a YouTube channel of promotional videos from Hogan and weight loss product Body By Vi that are a lot like the show ‘Shaq Vs.’, except Hogan just stands in front of a green screen and challenges himself to be as pathetic as possible. In this installment, Hogan listens to Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” once, puts on some props a lame person would have in a photo booth at a wedding and tells us that we need to respect everyone on the planet because he has the largest arms in the world. Or something.

My theory (as the headline suggests) is that our Ten Jokes To Tell About The Upcoming Hulk Hogan Sex Tape and its sequel made Hogan go “oh no, brother” and feel fear deep in his melting, leathery core, so he’s pulling a Tila Tequila and being as sad as possible every day so seeing him naked and humping will be an afterthought.

Either that, or his message to gay teens is, “it doesn’t get any better”.

[h/t John Canton]

I don’t want to spoil too many of Next Media Animation’s insane, theological recap of Super Bowl XLVI, so check out the video after the jump. Spoiler alert: The Giants win, God has officially forsaken Tim Tebow, and the Taiwanese are out of their goddamn minds.

Enjoy:

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I read through a lot of gossip sites and strange, random fan blogs each week, not because I want to actually know anything about the personal lives of fame-starved reality trolls, but because we like to make fun of really stupid stuff that people do. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go much further than NFL.com for this week’s most asinine celebrity idea, and of course it involves our favorite Man of Every Hour, Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow.

There’s no doubt that Tebow’s stock is higher than ever after the Broncos’ win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday – even the mayor of Pittsburgh is Tebowing – and he has already been dealing with rumors that he may have been responsible for skier Lindsey Vonn’s recent divorce. So apparently that was enough for NFL.com to ask: “Hey, what if Tebow knocked up a bunch of married women? What would those little hell-bound, soulless bastards look like?”

And thanks to the site MorphThings.com, the fine folks at NFL.com got their answers. Their incredibly weird-looking, borderline creepy answers.

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Welcome to our mostly weekly video competition feature, Friday Face-Off, in which we pit two or more videos against each other for the purpose of determining which is the greatest video on the entire Internet that week. Most of the time they’ll involve animals or violence, which are both awesome. Feel free to submit videos to BurnsyWL@gmail.com and if your video wins, you’ll get a With Leather t-shirt like the one that Derrick Bateman wore on WWE NXT.

I’m going to start this week’s Friday Face-Off with a little open message to marketing teams for pro sports franchises: I know that it’s a very common practice – and generally just easy – to take popular viral videos and create team promotional materials out of them. For instance, if a ref makes a bad call, cue the Dramatic Chipmunk, or offer fans free t-shirts if they show up and put on a preseason pep rally flash mob. And that’s fine, because you don’t get paid much and people are easily amused, so it benefits everyone. Just keep stuff timely…

… Which segues nicely into the first video of today – Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki giving a dramatic reading of the Britney Spears hit, “Oops, I did it again.” It’s not the timeliest idea, but I’ll give the Mavs some credit – it’s still pretty damn funny. But does it stand up against some of the Internet’s greatest celebrity dramatic readings? You decide after the jump.

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The way he says “Mighty God” makes it sound like an infomercial. And yeah, none of those things you’re talking about have anything to do with how f**king nature works.

Links

Kirk Cameron Threw Himself The Most Depressing Birthday Party Ever (With Amazing Comments) - Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying, or on trying to explain to me how bananas are evidence that God exists. [UPROXX]

‘Community’ Just Blew My Mind - Unfortunately Dan Harmon has come out and said the episode isn’t as good as we think it is, so uh … thanks for helping us not enjoy your show as much, I guess? [Warming Glow]

Michael F. Assbender’s Hard Drive Is Filthy - So are his teeth. Didn’t he break his girlfriend’s nose? We should probably stop liking him so much. [Film Drunk]

Billy Corgan, Professional Wrestling Mogul - Man, if I’d known we could write about independent wrestling news I would’ve reported this six months ago. Anybody want updates on Honkey Kong in River City Wrestling? No? [UPROXX]

Drake Feat. Nicki Minaj – “Make Me Proud” - You know what would make me proud? Nicki being able to get through a line without using a computer to give her the proper amount of syllables. [Smoking Section]

Jedi Turtles: Need I Say More? - Sure, a little context would be nice. [Gamma Squad]

Lady Gaga Drops F-Bomb In Front Of President Clinton - Come on, Clinton’s vegan and hooks up with chubby girls, you know he says the f-word on the reg. [Buzzfeed]

The 23 Best ‘Simpsons’ Musician Cameos - “My image!” [AOL TV]

8 Things We Learned at ‘The Avengers’ Panel at New York Comic Con - One thing I’ll learn from the upcoming Wizard World Austin: Comic book conventions are a rip-off, and I shouldn’t have to give Melina 20 bucks to take my picture with her. [Moviefone]

Squidbillies Jack-O-Lantern Stencils - Don’t use stencils, America, freehand that sh*t. [Adult Swim]

Michael Jackson’s Neck During Moonwalk Cannot Be Unseen - Finally, something horrifying about Michael Jackson. [The Daily What]

The Guinness Book of World Records is promoting the hell out of its upcoming 2012 edition, and rightfully so. Over the past year, people from around the world have gone to ridiculous lengths to achieve immortality, despite the fact that no matter what they do someone will just do it better next year. Either way, people are desperate to achieve fame so they’ll do whatever they can, even if it means sleeping with a Kardashian.

Included in this year’s batch are records like the World’s Largest Cow (sadly not related to the World’s Largest Mom), most balloons inflated by nose, most balloons popped by a dog (unrelated), the longest cucumber, most Twitter followers (to Lady Attention Gaga up there) and the largest collection of Dr. Who Daleks. You know that guy gets some serious action, too.

But there were too many to show proper respect to today so I picked just a few to shine the spotlight on, mainly because I need all the time I can get for setting the world record for staring at Scarlett Johansson’s leaked cell phone pics. Wish me luck!