Change the name of the team to the “Los Angeles Puffins of Anaheim”. F**k you, I watched that show.

Sports

With Leather & Draftstreet are Giving Away Money - In case you missed yesterday’s most important post (no, not the one about the Texas Rangers wearing sunglasses), we’re having another fantasy game on Friday, and this time everybody’s playing. Jump over to The Smoking Section and take Gotty’s™ word for it, then follow his link to Free Money On The Internet. [Smoking Section]

Biggie Smalls Lives Through a Lacrosse Announcer - While you’re there, make sure to watch this video of a guy who has heard the greatest hits of the Notorious B.I.G. and wants to tell you about it. I need to start podcasting so you guys can find out how many rap lyrics I know. (spoiler: a lot) [Smoking Section]

The Dugout: Old Man and The Sea - Best and Worst of Fake Underwear Fighting takes a lot of time to produce, so I’m thinking “Wednesday, Thursday, Friday” as the weekly Dugout schedule. Sound good? Comment on this and I’ll make it happen. [The Dugout]

Keyboard Warriors #3: The Ream - After you’ve satiated my need for instant, constant feedback, check out the only officially licensed branch of people ripping off The Dugout. Read it, then read any of the site’s comments sections for continued hilarity. [Cage Potato]

Not Sports

The Ten Worst Answers for Best Show on Television - I legitimately feel sorry for someone who thinks “Chuck” is the best show on television, bless their heart. There are a lot of good shows on television, but the very best one stars April motherf**king Ludgate. If she tried to rape meh, I would not fight back. [Warming Glow]

Futurama Returns Tonight - What’s On Tonight: one of my favorite shows of all time (because my favorite part of any Simpsons episode is the physics jokes) returns with new episodes. If it’s like any other season of Futurama, it will start off shifty, then get amazing. [Comedy Central]

Keanu Reeves Cashing In On Sad Keanu Meme - The quickest way to create your own Sad Keanu meme: watch Much Ado About Nothing. I appreciate a bad Keanu Reeves performance as much as the next guy, but holy sh** dude, what were you thinking? [Uproxx]

The Best of 60s Spider-Man Meme - Fun Fact: Though I wasn’t alive to watch it when it aired, the 1960s Spider-Man cartoon is one of the funniest things in history to me. I think it has something to do with him having no web lines on his chest, and how I’ve never done drugs, but the show makes me feel like I have. [Gamma Squad]

I’m starting to think these lacrosse fights are worked.

What you’re witnessing (if you clicked that link, and are reading this while it’s happening) is a life-clearing brawl between the Allegany Arrows and Tonawanda Braves of the North American Minor Lacrosse Association, a league which hosts youth outdoor lacrosse games with box lacrosse rules. Everything starts off normally, with a bad call (I guess) from the ref, and lots of “c’mawn ref!” and “watch yer language” shouts from the (I’m guessing) parents in the crowd. The video doesn’t provide a lot of context for what happens next, but a ROXETTE RAP SONG kicks in and these guys just start going at it hockey style, goalie versus goalie and everything. I love that somebody went home and edited in a track by “Loaded Weapons” to hype a youth rumble. Who does that? And more importantly, who samples Roxette? Did you already use all the beats on Richard Marx “Repeat Offender”?

After everyone’s gotten in a shot or eight, the fight stops and everybody starts high-fiving. It was either that, or somebody getting tossed into the cage wall. The next time you hear someone say “outdoor box lacrosse,” assume they’re breaking the first and second rules of Fight Club.

[via Prep Rally]

…and that’s good enough for me. It’s great to know that these young women with money and every other material advantage in life could put forth such an effort. Don’t get me wrong, they’re dealing with true tragedy, but it’s not enough to make me care about women’s lacrosse. About the team now playing without her. The story of Yeardley Love’s murder is as gripping as an episode of “Law & Order” (and perhaps it soon will be). But following her team feels like something off of the Lifetime network. It’s like Miracle with ponytails, only nobody cares.

Again, I’m not trying to marginalize their loss. But following that team, to me and for the interests of this site, is not a national sports story. We’re more concerned about how the 22-year-old George Huguely was out of control and nobody knew about it. A young basketball recruit for Texas A&M died in a car accident over the weekend. Should we start following his team around, too?

What if they win the national championship? Does that help anyone? Does that lessen the tragedy at all? How can it? Does that tack an extra 10 years onto Huguely’s sentence? This horrible death probably hit a lot of people close to home. But we’ll have to proceed under the presumption that you, dear reader, were not one of them.

ASYLUM POLL: Is Too Much Made Of Tragedies Involving Obscure Athletes?

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Details are coming out on the murder charge involving those two lacrosse players from Virginia. Yeardley Love was found dead in her own apartment and George Huguely, 22, of Chevy Chase, MD, was arrested and charged with first degree murder. His arraignment was earlier today.

[Huguely] told police he shook her and hit her head repeatedly against a wall, according to a court document in the case. An affidavit filed with a search warrant said police found Yeardley Love, 22, face down in her bedroom with a pool of blood on her pillow, a large bruise on her face and one eye swollen shut.

Police said the suspect, George Huguely, told them he had an altercation with Love and had kicked in her door. –Y! News.

Huguely had a prior record, having pled guilty to resisting arrest and public swearing and intoxication in 2009. Huguely’s douchebag lawyer actually had the balls to make this statement:

“We are confident that Ms. Love’s death was not intended, but an accident with a tragic outcome,” [Francis] Lawrence told reporters.

An accident? Locking your keys in the car is an accident. Spilling coffee down your shirt is an accident. I’m no expert, but mashing someone’s head repeatedly against a wall and leaving them in a pool of their own blood does not sound like the same thing. I would love to live in George Huguely’s world, where he thinks bullsh like that could possibly fly. Preferably someplace where there’s a wall handy.

Sad news out of Charlottesville, VA. One lacrosse player for the University of Virginia, 22-year-old Yeardley Love, was found dead in an apartment near campus. Another, George Huguely, has been charged with her murder.

George Huguely, 22, a fourth-year student from Chevy Chase, Md., is in the Albemarle-Charlottesville Regional Jail, according to a statement from police.[..]

Officials haven’t determined a cause of death, but Love’s body, which was found at a 14th Street Northwest apartment, showed physical trauma, according to the statement.

Witnesses told police Huguely and Love had been in a relationship, according to authorities. –Charlottesville DP.

I think we’ve learned our lesson about jumping to conclusions about allegations made against lacrosse players. That’s just unreal. Maybe one of these days, something interesting will happen in lacrosse that doesn’t involve sexual assault or a dead body. That’s my wish for the world today. That, and free OREOs.

You’d think that the clowns running the National League Of That Sport With The Nets On The Sticks would have bought some nicer video equipment. I’m pretty sure that’s not what the league is called, but whatever. Here’s a fight between the Philadelphia Wings and…somebody. Do you really care? Is it worth 30 seconds of my time to bring you this information? Nope.

What’s nice is that this all took place indoors, shielded from the harsh winter elements. There’s nothing worse than having to throw down with someone when all you want to do is cuddle up by the fire with some hot cocoa. My grandmother used to tell us stories as we listened to the wood crackle and watch the flames dance. Of course, the joy of those memories have faded a bit since she died in that house fire. Read the rest of this entry »