Lana. LANA!

Sports On TV is in the Danger Zone.

Our look at the best sports moments from shows that aren’t necessarily about sports takes on FX’s ‘Archer’ this week, and if there’s a show the kids at UPROXX love more than ‘Archer,’ I’d like to see it. Inside, you’ll find one of the most clever, obscure, expertly-written shows on television. You’ll also find lacrosse jokes about rock bands from the 1990s, a guy trying to play baseball in space, Ultimate Bum Shock Fights (which are exactly what they sound like), Siamese fighting fish, and more.

So please click through and-or enjoy Sports On TV: ‘Archer’s’ 15 greatest sports moments.

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I’m trying to be a lot better about reserving judgment these days until I fully understand the subject matter at hand, so with that in mind, I offer the most confusing topic that I’ve written about this year – Con Bro Chill. Known to lacrosse fans as Denver Outlaws midfielder Connor Martin, this flamboyant lacrosse icon is apparently the antithesis of the unintentionally hilarious lacrosse PSA that Vince posted on FilmDrunk two weeks ago, as he and his colorful cohorts have taken to YouTube and concert stages to spread their YOLO power party lifestyle to the lacrosse masses.

The aforementioned video, of course, featured a group of adult lacrosse players, including the guys from Adrenaline LAX and Happy Madison actor Peter Dante, telling kids at lacrosse camps about the importance of not adopting the lacrosse bro mentality. As a recovering bro, I was dumbfounded, because Dante is the epitome of a bro, so that had to mean that a lacrosse bro is something so much more outrageous and offensive. All I could think of was an Entourage DVD smoking weed with an LMFAO album while Vin Diesel plays the air guitar. And you know what? Con Bro Chill really isn’t that far off.

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To the guy facedown on the field’s credit, it’s not really hard to knock somebody out when you’ve got a helmet on for half the fight. (via SportsGrid)

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Links

Ain’t Got Nothin’ But Time: 15 Great Songs Released Posthumously |UPROXX|

‘Breaking Bad’ Discussion: ‘Franch’ |Warming Glow|

Dark Knight Rises Review: Chris Nolan Is Your God Now |Film Drunk|

7 Reasons ‘Batman Begins’ Is The Best Christopher Nolan Bat-Movie |Gamma Squad|

Remember When LoLa Monroe Used To Get Sorta Naked For A Living? |Smoking Section|

Wes Welker Gets Hair Transplant, Remains Just Attractive Enough To Play With Brady |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Coming Attractions: Nike Air Force 1 Low Foamposite “Jewel” |Smoking Section|

‘Jurassic Park’ Dinos Will Be Back Rattling Water Glasses By The Summer of 2014 |Gamma Squad|

Ridiculous Poll Of The Day: Is Don Zimmer More Like Darth Vader Or Emperor Palpatine? |With Leather|

Shooting survivor returns to theater to see the rest of the movie |Film Drunk|

Lori From ‘The Walking Dead’ Has to Die, Says Lori From ‘The Walking Dead’ |Warming Glow|

The Best Of #Dodgeball |UPROXX|

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If two Canadian Intermediate A lacrosse teams get into a bench-clearing brawl and nobody’s there to see it, did it really happen?

Yes. Yes it did.

Several players started fighting after Coquitlam scored to take a 15-4 lead. As the officials tried to settle everyone down, more players got involved and both benches eventually cleared.

The game was called with 47 seconds left in the period.

Josh Aldrich of the Nanaimo Daily News reported that B.C. Intermediate A Lacrosse League commissioner Gene Regier handed down 15 suspensions, but he did not reveal who or how long the suspensions were. (via Content Farm)

“…because he’d never heard of anyone on either team.”

The best way to watch this clip is to pretend the only five people in the crowd are the cast of ‘Bob’s Burgers’. That “oh my goaddd” at the 0:54 mark is absolutely Linda Belcher, and the loud “ENOUGH, GUYS” at 1:11 is a pretty convincing H. Jon Benjamin. Random screeching female throughout is just Louise, egging them on. Suddenly this is the best (and most underrated) lacrosse fight video ever.

[h/t to Fark]

For the general improvement of your Friday afternoon, please enjoy this clip (by way of Prep Rally) from a game in the 7th/8th grade indoor lacrosse league at suburban Philadelphia’s BucksMont Indoor Sports Center wherein a kid taking a penalty shot worries a little too much about flip-cradling the ball and gets Sat The F**k Down by a child goalie in Tony Stark’s Mark I Iron Man armor. It is brutal, apparently legal and absolutely glorious.

There’s also something adorable about a kid doing the YEAH NOW WHAT shoulder shrug at someone he’s just leveled, then just walking away calmly into the loving arms of his teammates.

A positive aside to the video is the sportsmanship shown by both sides, as the kid who takes the hit takes it like a true Lax Bro and baby Robocop reciprocates. These videos have trained me to expect the downed kid to get up swinging.

Funny what you notice the first time you see a movie trailer. Hairlessly handsome white folk, narration that makes it sound like the first paragraph of a freshman essay … what’s impossible to know at first glance [dramatic pause] is everything else. Aaaand wipe!

Twilight’s Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene re-team in a story of young love and the true meaning of sportsmanship and life. Co-starring Chord Overstreet. Coming to select theaters and on Video On Demand December 2nd!

WWE Studio films have taught me that “coming to select theaters” is code for “Wal-Mart doesn’t sell direct-to-DVD movies so we’re releasing it in four theaters for a day”. I’m glad they’re doing it, too, because this movie has it all… Ashley Greene’s weird coke nose, Kellan Lutz not having armpit hair but being able to karate kick down a building, inaccurately played lacrosse … hell, it has everything you could hope for in a movie. Except a black person.

Wait, sorry, there are two black ladies in the crowd near the end. I didn’t notice them because my brain was recovering from “I know everyone faces hardship in life …it just seems like some people … are act’ally made SHRONGER by it”.