You can’t tell me the economy is that bad when Luke Walton has his own stalker. I’ll never understand the thought process of women. “What can I do today? I could go shopping for some new shoes…I could go through my DVR archives of Oprah…I could, I don’t know, stalk Luke Walton!” From the Orange County Register, via Inside Hoops:
“I’ll be going somewhere, and she’ll be following me everywhere I go. I’ll start really driving nuts, and she’s right behind me, staying with me. It sucks, because you figure you just go out and play basketball and you have your personal life, but then you have to start worrying about stuff like, ‘I don’t want to drive to my teammates’ houses if she’s following me, because I don’t want her to know where my teammates live.’”
NOT MY TEAMMATES! THEY HAVE STALKERS OF THEIR OWN! WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEE???
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Lakers guard and NBA MVP Kobe Bryant has been unavailable for comment since video surfaced of Shaquille O'Neal dissing his former teammate during a recent Shaq-Fu freestyle session. Kobe's been much too busy getting named to the Olympic team and recuperating from the NBA Finals by going on vacation in Cabo with his wife that didn't divorce him. But I'm sure he'll be distraught by O'Neal's comments. Just as soon as he gets back from Beijing.
As, you've no doubt seen by now, Suns center Shaquille O'Neal took the stage at a New York City club and freestyled about his former teammate Kobe Bryant. While Shaq demonstrates the same mush-mouthed mic skills he brought to Fu Schnickens, the refrain — "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" — is undeniably catchy.
Reached by ESPN's Stephen A. Smith on Monday, O'Neal issued the following statement: "I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon. I'm totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all… Please tell everybody don't make something out of nothing."
Reached by imaginary conversation last night, Kobe replied, "Hmmm… It's a complex flavor not suitable for an unrefined palate. Strong nose… very earthy. Is that a hint of pear? Perhaps a bit too much garlic. Nutty undertones and a lingering, salty finish. Should be paired with a stout red wine, preferably something that comes in a one-gallon jug. You're gonna need it."
At last Boston's long-suffering fans — who endured a heartbreaking Super Bowl loss and hadn't celebrated a championship in almost eight months — can savor a pro sports title. The Celtics cruised to a 131-92 blowout win against the Lakers, who, faced with a win-or-go-home chance to force a Game 7, opted instead to just not show up. Kevin Garnett led the way with 26 points and 14 rebounds, Ray Allen also scored 26 (hitting 7-of-9 three-pointers), and Paul Pierce was named Series MVP.
It was an especially emotional moment for Garnett, the former NBA MVP who wallowed in the icy incompetence of Minnesota for a decade before coming to Boston. KG bellowed, "Anything is possible!!!" during his post-game interview with Michele Tafoya (video here), displeasing his adidas reps, who had insisted on "Impossible is nothing." He also seemed to have it in for his naysayers, shouting, "I'm certified! I'm certified!" as if not winning a championship was the last thing wannabe pundits could hold against him.
Well, not so fast, Kev. You've always had a rep for not being the "finisher" in the 4th quarter. And where were you for the last 4:01 of this game, with the NBA Finals on the line? On the bench, watching your teammates seal the victory. Good luck living that one down, loser. Go blow the mascot some more.
Once again, the stars lined up to see their beloved Lakers play at the Staples Center. All the biggest stars you can imagine. Like, uh, Nicky Hilton. And Donnie Wahlberg. He was great in The Sixth Sense nine years ago. I really liked the part when he blew his brains out.
There are, of course, some bigger names. Spike Lee showed his intense fandom by coming to a basketball game between Boston and Los Angeles wearing a New York baseball jersey. In a fruitless effort to appear youthful, Jack Nicholson surrounded himself with people who look older than he does. And of course, Will Smith showed up simply because he loves the game of basketball, and certainly not because his agent and studio want him out in the public eye more prior to the release of Hancock.
Did I mention that I hate LA?
(Unrelated NBA photo stories at Hardwood Paroxysm and MixMakers)
Last night's Game 3 in Los Angeles turned out the usual handful of actual celebrity Lakers fans (such as Penny Marshall, who is lookin' eff-eye-enn-ee FINE) and the Hefty garbage sack full of douches who just need to be seen to boost their PR. None of these photos are labeled because everyone's pretty recognizable, except for the most recent American Idol and maybe the annoying WASPy chick from Sex and the City.
I will admit a couple surprises here. For example, I didn't expect to see Hilary Duff (with NHL boyfriend Mike Comrie) to be sitting next to Floyd Mayweather. And who knew Andy Garcia has joined the "Andy Garcia has joined the "men who look like old lesbians" club?
