In one of the better “Boys will be boys” stories of this early sports year, New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony reportedly took offense to something that Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett said to him during Boston’s 102-96 victory on Monday night. According to various websites, Garnett supposedly told Anthony that his wife and decision-maker, La La Vasquez-Anthony, “tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios”. Honestly, I don’t really know how that’s an insult, because it mostly just reminds me of Patrice O’Neal’s birthday cake joke (watch “Elephant in the Room” if you’re unfamiliar).

Now, if I had to guess, Garnett has never had sex with Anthony’s wife. Maybe he has, and therefore is qualified to make such a statement, but this is probably just an example of what the kids call “trash talk”. However, some people believe that this sort of trash talk crosses a line, including Anthony, who waited for Garnett by the Celtics team bus so they could settle this like men. After all, you can take the millionaire professional athlete out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the corporate product spokesperson.

Read the rest of this entry »

The New York Post took its loyal readers on a trip into the home and minds of New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony and his wife La La – *eye roll* – and the most revealing tidbit of information was that they have a giant portrait of Carmelo (above) hanging over their fireplace. And it’s not exactly shocking that a multimillionaire superstar athlete would have a huge portrait of himself in his own home, but if you’ve ever followed the gossip about his wife, you’d probably expect a few more portraits of La La.

But according to Melo’s better half, the interior design duties are actually performed by the primary money-maker himself.

How much input has Carmelo had in the design of your home or did you manage the project yourself?

Believe it or not, he has more input and gets more involved than I do. He was really into working with the decorator, Alicia Darby, who also decorated our home in LA.

Man, if that quote doesn’t open the door for a ton of jokes, then I don’t know anything about comedy anymore. Regardless of the humor of a man possibly cheating on his wife with his decorator, I just can’t get past the arrogance of self-celebration. I guess you could argue that the painting may have been a gift from a famous artist, or maybe La La painted it herself – she didn’t – but chances are Carmelo just paid someone to paint it and he was like, “Yeah, that’s going over my fireplace.”

It doesn’t matter what the actual reason is, because a lot of people are just going to look at this and think, “The ego on this guy.” So I want to help Carmelo with my own interior design skills by offering him some awesome alternative portraits that he can hang instead. Most of these are already in the Louvre and Smithsonian, but I have connections.

Read the rest of this entry »

"So I'm thinking we wear fake mustaches and go to Nets games, thoughts?"

With a 111-99 win at Madison Square Garden last night, the Orlando Magic scored some revenge against New York City for constantly sending its homeless people to Central Florida. But they also dealt another heavy blow to the struggling New York Knicks, who have now lost 7 of their last 8 and are 7-10 since making their blockbuster trade for La La Vasquez’s husband Carmelo Anthony. Last night’s loss also came on the one-month anniversary of the Anthony deal, so I assume there was no Fudgy the Whale to be had.

To make things even worse, the Denver Nuggets have won 7 of their last 10, including a big win over the San Antonio Spurs last night, and they’ve actually jumped to the 5th spot in the Western Conference playoff picture. And while we can all offer the Nuggets a collective “Big whoop”, we have to also wonder when things might get better for the downtrodden Knicks. Specifically, can it get better by the first round of the playoffs? Please?

Jerry West seems to think there’s no reason to worry.

Read the rest of this entry »