Wow, this Arizona Cardinals cheerleader wants nothing to do with Denver Broncos QB Kyle Orton receiver Brandon Lloyd, who’s scrambling where so many of us have only dreamed…right into a pile of Glendale-area women. I’m impressed with her agility; maybe she could have thrown him a block downfield so he could have scored me a few more fantasy points. But she looks too afraid of getting touched and becoming insta-pregnant. Happens in the southeast all the time. And here’s a pic of Kyle Orton because I don’t pay attention…Thanks, Jason.

It can’t be fun to be named Kyle Orton or Brady Quinn these days, as the city of Denver has already embraced rookie quarterback Tim Tebow as their Chosen One before he’s even taken a snap with the team’s veteran players. The Florida Gator legend will get to run plays with the entire Denver roster this week after previously only participating in rookie minicamp. Josh McDaniels’ Draft Day crush says he’s excited about his first practice, and he really hopes the team loves the macaroons his mommy baked for them.

Tebow will, of course, be competing with Orton as the incumbent QB, while Cleveland Browns castoff and male crotch enthusiast Brady Quinn will also look to start anew in Denver. But the pressure’s on the latter two, seeing as Broncos fans voted for Tebow’s nickname to be The Mile-High Messiah and made his No. 15 jersey the highest selling NFL gear last month.

Preach to the congregation, SI.com:

That’s the Tebow phenomenon — the wholesome, religious, squeaky-clean package. It’s why companies are attracted to him, why people want his jersey. Who wants to walk around in a Ben Roethlisberger or a Michael Vick jersey these days? Even Tiger Woods isn’t a safe endorsement.

But Tebow?

“It’s very humbling that people want to wear my jersey,” Tebow said. “It’s a blessing that people want to support me.”

Yes, it’s a real blessing that Broncos fans are picking Tebow’s jersey over the alternatives. Poor Matt Prater. When will Denver finally show him the love he deserves? The jersey sales and admittedly sweet nickname are only the tip of Tebow’s iceberg, though. According to his dad agent, Tebow has been offered and turned down several product endorsements offering seven figure paychecks. And if you’re to believe Percy Harvin’s comments earlier this year, Tim also turned down advances from Erin Andrews.

The Broncos remain confident that their eyebrow-raising first round pick will be a success not only as a role model for the team and the community, but also as the franchise QB of the future. How could he not, throwing to an elite receiver like Brandon Marshall Eddie Royal and a rising star tight end like Tony Scheffler Daniel Graham? John Elway even sent Tim a text message wishing him good luck as a Bronco, which is significantly better than the box of dead kittens he once sent Jay Cutler.

Lindsay Lohan was in Chicago for girlfriend Sam Ronson's DJ'ing gig, and whaddaya know, let's make this about sports:

Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton — dubbed ''super-hot'' by Lohan, Ronson and [Cyndi] Lauper, who all admired the NFL player's dance-floor moves.

Sure, whatever.  In a much more important story, remember when Lindsay looked like this?  Lord, those were halcyon days.  A note to the ladies: four years of booze, coke, dick and Red Bull is not the best way to keep your youthful beauty.

[Sports Crackle Pop]

Busted Coverage returns from its latest voyage from the briny depths of the tubes with this undated photo of Kyle Orton getting blitzed in the best way he can deal with while posing with a busty young lass from a Chicago radio station.

Okay, Orton may not be any more inebriated in this photo than he is at any other time, but he's always good for looking the part. And the fact that we don't know the date of the photo won't stop us from irresponsibly positing the question of why Orton can get drunk with impunity and Cedric Benson gets popped in front of his mom.

You might say it's the white skin but in actuality authorities just plain respect a good neck beard. 

Ms. Mammaries has a few other pics with prominent Chicago sports figures, including Brian Urlacher, Michael Jordan, Lance Briggs and Alfonso Soriano, but they aren't in varying states of intoxication and she's not in varying states of undress, so it's up to you to dig through them. She may have a face for radio, but those breasts are at least good enough for a webcam feed to my computer (nudge, nudge, fap, fap).