First the good news for Kris Humphries – he got paid. Despite trying to dump the free agent power forward on any team that would take him in a sign-and-trade for Dwight Howard, the Brooklyn Nets announced that they have indeed made K-Hump the final piece of their starting puzzle for the 2012-13 season. Humphries reportedly inked a 2-year, $24 million contract that will put the Nets over the $70 million luxury cap… with their starting 5 alone.

But that’s neither here nor there. Now for the bad news – Humphries’ ex won’t shut the hell up. Myla Sinanaj – the version of Kim Kardashian that you’d find on a really bad celebrity impersonator job site – had previously claimed that she was pregnant with Hump’s child, which would have been bad news with that new contract, but it turns out she was lying. Shocking, I know (and my apologies to Humphries for bagging on him). That should be great news for him, as it can’t hurt his divorce case, but now Sinanaj is going right after Kardashian.

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It’s been a month since we last checked in on Kris Humphries, but everything we usually talk about with him involves his ridiculously inept love life. Fortunately, the NBA free agent forward’s name has finally popped up in some actual, honest-to-gosh basketball news, so let’s see what the heck he’s up to now…

But the Johnson/Wallace/Williams deals, none of which can be official until July 11, would not prohibit the Nets from pitching a sign-and-trade package built around center Brook Lopez, power forward Kris Humph…

WE INTERRUPT THIS NBA FREE AGENCY NEWS TO TAKE A GIANT TMZ DUMP ON YOUR BRAIN.

Sources directly connected with Myla tell us Myla confirmed Monday that she’s 3 months pregnant and says Kris is definitely the father.

This could be used in Kris’ divorce with Kim Kardashian, because Kris has claimed he was devastated by the break-up and suffered emotionally. This development further cements the fact that Kris moved on quickly.

We’re told Myla plans to have the baby but wants to raise it alone, because she believes Kris has betrayed her by talking crap about their relationship.

But here’s the rub … We’re told for the past 3 weeks, Kris and Myla have been communicating regularly.

Oh yeah, here’s the other rub — she hasn’t told Kris yet.

Myla Sinanaj is the really poor man’s Kim Kardashian that Humphries was spotted canoodling with at the beach a while back, despite his claims that they weren’t an item. And now she’s pregnant. Amazing how that works.

You know, there was a voice in my head the whole time, while Humphries was vowing to bring down the Kardashian Kurtain of Oz, that kept saying, “Watch this dude f*ck his divorce up and let Kardashian waltz away with all the gifts and cash that she never returned.” We should have known he’d blow the only opportunity we’d have as a public to watch this leech get hammered in court. I really hope he ends up in Charlotte.

I expect that we’ve come to the end of the road in Kris Humphries’ sad love life if we’re paying attention to the Kim Kardashian “lookalikes” that he may or may not be dating. And in this case, according to the Daily Mail, the NBA free agent forward – who is probably going to be paid well thanks to a solid season that flew under the radar because of his terrible marriage – is currently spending time in South Beach with a girl who may or may not be his new girlfriend.

As you can see in the banner pic, the new definition of Kim Kardashian lookalike is apparently “woman with dark hair and a big ass”. And while I certainly spew my fair share of hatred at the entire Kardashian family – you try not loathing them after you watch them defile Biggie’s “Hypnotize” – I think Kim deserves a little credit here. If this girl looks like Kim, then I look like Brad Pitt. It’s close, but I’m not that arrogant.

After the jump, I break this terrible comparison down so we can put an end to this glamorization of talentless, athlete-chasing fame leaches.

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It’s like when Jessica Simpson puts her fingers in her mouth and makes “widdle ol’ me” face because she’s monetized being dumb. We get what you’re doing, but it doesn’t make you any less actually stupid.

That’s the situation Brooklyn Nets forward and former ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ extra Kris Humphries finds himself facing in the latest video from Funny Or Die, ‘Kris Humphries Is A Douchebag’. Kris visits some local improv comics who think they’re awesome new representation who believe he should own the villain label he’s been given and embrace douchebaggery on every level, including wearing sunglasses indoors, wearing a fedora under any non-film-noir circumstances and letting people wipe their asses with Kris Humphries’ Face toilet paper.

It’s funny, I guess. It seems like something Saturday Night Live might’ve done if they’d gotten stuck letting Kris Humphries host, and his only talking were “plays basketball” and “people hate him”. The cynic in me says Kris could better improve his image by trying harder and being better at basketball, but whatever, he’s wearing Kanye glasses and the kids love it.

I’ve never heard of WestEast Magazine, but apparently it is quite the source of artsy fashion style stuff – I’m classy, bros – and it even has a website that might be up and running eventually. And what better way to launch said website than by merging style and fashion with professional sports, because as we all know so well, athletes love them some clothes.

So which superstar athlete did WestEast reach out to for its latest issue? Was it one of our noted style icons like LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Andre Iguodala, Dwyane Wade, or even documentary filmmaker and fashion guru Baron Davis? No, it was Kris Humphries. Did you not get that from the title of this post?

Kris, 27, was apparently interested in doing the shoot because of the James Bond action hero theme and “he thought it would be a fun thing to do. He’s a guy, so the action figure theme was appealing. Plus, he wanted to help out his friend, stylist Derek Warburton, who is WestEast‘s fahion director,” an insider told Hollywoodlife.com.

As for reports that Kris did the shoot as “revenge” on Kim Kardashian with whom he’s in the midst of a divorce? — Those rumors are “ridiculous” says a source. (Via Hollywood Life)

How the hell would a fashion shoot be revenge against a girl who Tweets about not wearing makeup as an excuse to post a picture of her huge breasts? Revenge would be actually proving in court that Kim Kardashian is guilty of fraud and that she knowingly and maliciously entered into a fake marriage to fool companies into paying her upwards of $17 million.

Revenge isn’t dressing up like a douchebag and making pouty faces because you think it makes you look like a British movie spy. Hollywood Life also has some exclusive pictures from Humphries’ shoot that I’ve included after the jump. Enjoy. But be ready for the last one. It’s a doozie.

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With a 1.5 game lead over the Milwaukee Bucks for the 8th playoff spot in the East, it seems like the New York Knicks are in good position to at least make the playoffs. They’re still sitting at .500 (27-27) as they have been for most of the season, and even the energy of a new coach and system isn’t helping them get over the hump and back into serious contention, despite some analysts who have the Knicks pegged as a title contender hiding in the best spot possible. Because any team, regardless of talent level, really wants to play the No. 1 seed in the first round of the playoffs.

But over in China, an old Knick is proving that he had some gas left in the tank to get himself a championship. Stephon Marbury and the Beijing Ducks – mmmmmmmm, Beijing duck – are the new Chinese Basketball Association champions, after Starbury scored 41 points in Game 5 to oust the defending champions, Guangdong Hongyuan. Marbury also scored 52 points in Game 2 and 53 points in Game 3, so if you were wondering how the New York sports media would pass the time with Jeremy Lin out for the season… stop.

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