In a story TMZ.com is calling an exclusive because someone paid them to write about it, Anna Benson, wife of former New York Mets Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson, shocked and upset producers of ‘Baseball Wives’, a reality show debuting tonight, when she threatened Chuck Knoblauch’s wife with a stun gun and a 12-inch dildo she’d produced from her purse. I find three things wrong with this news blurb:

1. There is no way somebody married Chuck Knoblauch.

2. Who tries to threaten somebody with a dildo, and furthermore, what kind of porno-ready Magic Murder Bag is Anna Benson carrying around where she can comfortably transport and whip out a 12-inch dong? My girlfriend barely has enough room in her purse for my keys.

3. Shouldn’t your husband have to be playing baseball to make you a “baseball wife”? I think I’ve started more Major League games in the last five years than Kris Benson.

Anyway, if “reality show person shocks reality show people with reality show behavior” wasn’t enough to clue you in, TMZ’s finishing line of

Sources tell us … show execs are trying to contain Anna.

should be enough to tip you off to the bullsh*t. I don’t know what’s funnier, the idea of Baseball Wives producers trying to wrangle a terrible baseball player’s gold-digging stripper wife in a circus cage to maintain the integrity of their Celebreality fame-whore Thunderdome or TMZ’s use of ellipses making it read like they’re on the end of a 1950s newswire with bated breath, breaking the sentence up into fragments to get us the news as fast as possible. BREAKING NEWS, STOP. BASEBALL WIVES DRAMA, STOP. CHUCK KNOBLAUCH’S MOTHER-WIFE STRUCK BY PHALLUS, STOP.

You can check out ‘Baseball Wives’ tonight on VH1, or even better, you can’t.

Orioles pitcher and renowned golddiggee Kris Benson will miss all of 2007 with a torn rotator cuff in his pitching arm, and let me take this opportunity to say that I don't care what kind of awful loudmouth she is, I would totally go for Anna Benson. Hello, she was a stripper? Done and done.

However, lest I veer too far away from the scalpel-like sports insight that everyone comes here for, I should point out that the O's have signed Benson's former Mets teammate Steve Trachsel to fill void of mediocrity left in Benson's wake — not the first time Trachsel will get starts thanks to Benson injury.

Anyway, it's a worthwhile story line to keep an eye on, especially when Trachsel starts against the White Sox. For those of you who may have forgotten, this site's fine assistant editor is less than enamored with Trachsel's lethargic pace on the mound.

Seriously, though: Anna Benson. I just know she wants to be mistreated.