The worst news for the Los Angeles Lakers today should have been that Devin Ebanks was arrested on suspicion of a DUI this morning. And then maybe that whole 1-4 start while Kobe Bryant evolves into a new breed of evil and Dwight Howard continues to pretend that everything works out in the end. Instead, it’s f*cking DEFCON 2 in L.A. this afternoon, as Lakers coach Mike Brown has been fired already, according to USA Today’s Sam Amick.

Mike Brown has been fired by the Los Angeles Lakers, according to his agent Warren Legarie.

The Lakers are off to a 1-4 start and will play Golden State tonight at the Staples Center.

Simple. Subtle. And not really unexpected, most notably because of this GIF of the Year candidate:

But it’s still shocking, as Lakers owner Jim Buss had made it clear that he had full trust in Brown and that he was sticking with him as a hard working, knowledgeable coach. Then again, this is the NBA and trust only means something when it’s written in the win column. So who then will replace Brown and fix this 1-4 funk that the sloppy, injured Lakers have already fallen into?

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With NBA Media Day out of the way, we can finally pay attention to the important stuff like Shaquille O’Neal still crapping all over new Los Angeles Lakers center Dwight Howard. After previously declaring that Andrew Bynum was a better center than Howard, Shaq is now telling anyone who will listen to him that Brooklyn Nets center Brook Lopez is better than Howard, too.

Can we just fast forward to the premiere of 30 for 30’s Broke 2: The Shaquille O’Neal Story?

“Listen to what I’m saying. I’m not talking about dunking, I’m talking about playing like a big man with the moves. My man, before he had the foot injury, was putting up nice, solid big man numbers. He don’t have a lot of flash, a la Tim Duncan, but he can play. If you put him with a nice team around him, you can get a lot from this big man. Like if you want to go to go to flash and dunking and the pick and roll, you gotta go with Dwight Howard. But me, the last true original dundaughta (slang for big timer), I’m going with Andrew Bynum and which Lopez? Brook. Brook Lopez.” (Via ESPN)

I give O’Neal credit for trying to make it sound like he’s being analytical and not just a dick. He is being a dick, though. We all know he is. But that’s the fun of Shaq being an NBA “expert” now for TNT – he gets a platform from which to make fun of Howard for completely replicating O’Neal’s career, sans the NBA titles and MVP trophies. Those may come in due time, though.

Howard, to his credit, remains all smiles since being traded by the Orlando Magic to the team that he said he wouldn’t play for, and that grin was ear to ear during Media Day. While he promised that he’d finally grow up and take the game more seriously, Howard did what he does best and hammed it up for the L.A. media, as he and his Lakers teammates provided some of the more colorful Media Day photos of the week.

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During the 2012 Summer Olympics, it was reported that security at the London venues was instructed to crack down on any people who tried to attend events while wearing recognizable logos of companies that weren’t exclusive sponsors. That was a very nice way of saying that McDonald’s owned the fry monopoly and Coke wanted to kick out anyone wearing Pepsi logos, which would have sucked for me because my whole wardrobe is nothing but Mountain Dew shirts.

This was a little unfair to the average Joe, Boris or Ming cheering on their countries, because as some surveys showed, nobody knew which companies were even sponsoring the Olympics. In fact, 37% of the 1,034 people who took part in an online survey believed that Nike was a sponsor, when it fact it wasn’t – Nike does, however, sponsor Team USA and other countries so it didn’t matter – and this just basically proved what we already knew – Nike is really awesome at marketing.

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In a video that’s destroying the Internet today (we got it from Sports Glory, but it originated at 2012 Mamba), the old “Is Kobe Bryant better than Michael Jordan?” argument (also known as the “nobody is better than Michael Jordan” argument) gets a new look with two minutes of Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan making identical shots. Identical shots. And while you could probably dig through enough NBA footage to find two minutes of Jordan making the same shots as, I don’t know, Carlos Delfino, it’s still pretty mesmerizing to watch.

An important thing to remember is that timing, memories and cultural impact have a lot to do with who fans think is the “greatest” anything. It’s also important to remember that an increase in competition, changes in style of play and even performance enhancing drugs (and drug regulations) are almost always ignored when modern players try to win these arguments. Is Barry Bonds better than Babe Ruth? Barry’s stats are better, and Babe never had to play pro ball against black people, but STEROIDS YOU GUYS and Babe was also a great pitcher and what, are you kidding me?

Is there a way for us to eventually say as a sports-people, “okay, this guy is better than the previous best player ever”? How does that even happen? Let us know what you think in the comments. Insulting Scottie Pippen gets you bonus points.

The folks at 2K Sports set the Twitters ablaze this morning with the news that NBA 2K13 will give gamers the chance to once again play as the 1992 U.S. Olympics Men’s Basketball Team, or the Dream Team. I don’t even play video games and I’m tempted to buy it just so I can keep assigning players to guard Magic Johnson and see if they run away. Gotta make it realistic, 2K Sports.

One interesting note about the game, though, is that the Dream Team won’t include Scottie Pippen, because the guy who has had incredible money problems wouldn’t agree to 2K Sports’ terms. But at least we’ve finally stopped that whole silly debate about whether or not the Dream Team could defeat the 2012 U.S. gold medal team. Just kidding, Michael Jordan hasn’t yet begun to fight.

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You may want to sit down for this news, because it will blow your mind, but apparently Kobe Bryant is trying to get laid again. And at the 2012 Summer Olympics of all places. I mean, the Olympics should be a sacred gathering of the world’s greatest athletes and showcase their talents and determination. But I guess things are bound to get a little screwy – pun originally not intended, but what the hell – when you have companies like Durex practically begging athletes to throw on a raincoat and get down.

As for Bryant, he’s now being called out by Australian women’s hoopster Liz Cambage and Australian swimmer Craig Stevens for trying to get down with Australia’s three-time gold medalist swimmer Stephanie Rice. Cambage Tweeted that Bryant was being a little too friendly with the ladies during these games and pointed out that it might not make his wife, Vanessa, very happy, but she later denied that she was referring to Rice. Stevens, though, just flat out called them on their freaky deaky.

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