It has been a few months since I was finally able to extinguish the last of my raging hatred of Dwight Howard for what he did to my beloved Orlando Magic, but I’m actually glad that I can look at him in a new, unbiased light. It wouldn’t be a typical NBA season if Howard’s people weren’t leaking his complaints to certain people in the “media” and, sure enough, ESPN reported this week that a Howard trade may be imminent.

While this has been corroborated by other people who claim to know – translated: they have Howard’s cousin’s email address – it was pretty much a done deal once everyone realized two things: 1) The Lakers just aren’t good with this old, injured lineup and 2) Howard still clearly wants to play in Brooklyn. However, much like he did with the Magic, Howard is doing his little song and dance routine with the Lakers by saying that he doesn’t want to be traded and will “bring it”.

Perhaps that has something to do with Nets star Deron Williams responding to the Howard rumors by saying that Brook Lopez won’t be going anywhere. Maybe it’s because he and Kobe Bryant got into it again in the locker room in a heated confrontation that they’ll probably deny again. Or maybe someone simply sat down with Howard, drew a bunch of zeroes on a piece of paper and told him what he’ll lose if he leaves L.A.

Like with his childish drama in Orlando, we probably won’t ever get a true story out of Howard for this case of déjà vu, but as an NBA expert and world famous analyst, I believe that the Lakers should trade Howard now. There are plenty of teams that can offer value, and I have broken down the Top 10 of those with proposed trades that are in no way mocking his value right now. Right, winking giraffe?

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Back in 2011, when we were all a little younger and more precious, I did a little digging to answer an age-old question from people who aren’t Los Angeles Lakers fans – “Hey, who’s that old dude who dresses like a blind cowboy?” The answer, of course, was James Goldstein and the question was raised after he showed up to a game with that lovely young lady above. We also learned that her name is Amalie Wichmann, and she is a Danish model who is quite pleasant to look at. Even Bill Clinton agrees. And now that we’re all caught up, we can check in to see what both of them have been up to this week.

Oh, look at that, they went to another Lakers game together. Damn it, Jimmy Goldstein is awesome.

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It was roughly a year ago that rumors first surfaced regarding Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant and his alleged affair with voluptuous Playboy model Jessica Burciaga, and most of us thought for sure that Vanessa Bryant was going to take her husband to the cleaners in a divorce. In February, despite Kobe and Vanessa being caught smooching after a Lakers game, the L.A. Times reported that the divorce was full-steam-ahead, as it was revealed that Vanessa would be taking a huge chunk of his amassed fortune, as well as three of the couple’s homes.

The news eventually trailed off and the rumors stopped circulating, and we all stopped caring, because athletes get divorced all the time. Also, Kobe had already bought his way out of a divorce for far worse reasons with a nice, humongous diamond ring, so who the hell knew what would happen?

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For my money, there’s no greater MS Paint artist in this generation or any other, for that matter (suck it, Picasso), than our own Danger Guerrero. His efforts within this specific medium have been unparalleled over the decades that I’ve known him, and I believe that he has no less than 75 works currently hanging in the Smithsonian and the Louvre. Do not quote me on that number, as it may be off just a tad.

However, despite the important life lessons that we were given by The Highlander series, there doesn’t have to be only one, and I recently stumbled upon the works of another outstanding MS Paint artist (pronounced ar-teest) who sadly remains anonymous at this current time. But like most great reclusive artists of the last several centuries and great artistic periods, this unknown person got his or her start on Tumblr, with the site “Great NBA Moments”.

Sure enough, this collection of artwork re-captures some of the greatest moments in NBA history through the stunning use of basic colors and brushes that only MS Paint can provide. Included in these incredible works are Michael Jordan’s iconic game-winning jumpshot, Dirk Nowitzki’s three-pointer in Game 5 of the 2011 NBA Finals and even the cover of the video game masterpiece, Shaq Fu.

Short of Larry Bird sharing a milkshake with Skeletor or any of the sketches that we’ve previously viewed from the artists at Double Dribble, this is probably the best NBA art that you will see this year. While there are many more beautiful works available at Great NBA Moments, I have included some of my favorites in this week’s With Leather Wild Art Gallery.

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After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.

‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.

So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.

As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

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I considered writing my normal wordy intro paragraph about how Taiwan Animation is the weirdest thing in the world, citing examples from the stories we’ve covered and wondering how two Taiwanese ladies with 3rd grade computer animation skills could get to the heart of a story better than a nation of aged sports reporters, but I’ll let this image do all that for me:

Additional highlights, if you aren’t already watching, include:

- Phil Jackson as the zen, levitating version of The Mandarin from ‘Iron Man’
- A swinging jazz soundtrack
- The Lakers having fruit thrown at them because they’re trying to play basketball with walkers (try to figure out which one’s supposed to be Steve Nash!)
- Slow motion fruit explosions
- Player-on-fan violence

They really got their money’s worth out of that “bus backing up” noise.