Back in October, my Italian cousin Vince at FilmDrunk gave us a glimpse inside of former “Growing Pains” star and current Tim Tebow superfan Kirk Cameron’s incredibly boring birthday party that featured a small cake, some $5 footlongs from Subway, and poor, poor Belinda. Well Cameron’s going to need to kill someone at his next party to win the Saddest Party Award this year, because Minnesota Vikings RB Adrian Peterson’s New Year’s Eve party was about as sad as they get, according to some pictures he posted on Twitter.

Peterson, who signed a 7-year, $100 million contract extension this season, spent his New Year in the hospital, recovering from surgery on his knee, after he tore both his ACL and MCL against the Washington Redskins in Week 16. Doctors and experts claim that this type of surgery will take at least 8 months for a full recovery, which would put AP’s return right around the start of the season, but he would realistically might not be ready to play until Week 4 or 5. Of course, AP isn’t the average RB so he fully believes that he’ll be ready to start the 2012 season. And maybe if he’s really lucky, the Vikings will be ready to play as well.

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This is just one of them.

Links

15 Alison Brie-Inspired Halloween Costume Ideas - This could be Matt’s finest work to date. I’m covering the 9th Annual Corgi Celebration in Austin for him this weekend, though, so if Alison Brie makes an appearance there, we can do even better. [Warming Glow]

Plots From The Unaired Season 8 of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ Make Hilarious Tweets - They should publish some of the plots I wrote for season 9, wherein Captain Picard and his new best friend Ensign Brandon have to defeat the Romulans, and then Ensign Brandon has to save the ship. [Gamma Squad]

Drake Covers November 2011 Issue Of The Source Magazine, Eats Gold Chain - Then he says “chain” in his normal voice, stops, then says “BALLIN” in a deeper voice, because “ball and chain” and “ballin” are both phrases. [Smoking Section]

Steve Buscemi Has Amassed Quite An Impressive Death Reel - Steve Buscemi has an impressive everything, except face. And one time he made out with hottest possible Thora Birch. [UPROXX]

Kirk Cameron Swears His Birthday Party Was Actually Super Fun And Everyone Came - but now how you’re thinking [Film Drunk]

Hot Chicks with Butthead Gums - All they had to do was use a normal picture of Miley Cyrus, her mouth usually looks like that already. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Guide to the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse - “Kill maybe one zombie a day, spend the rest of your time having relationship issues with your friends and gritting your teeth.” [Adult Swim]

25 Things You May Not Know About ‘Donnie Darko’ - #26: What happened in the movie ‘Donnie Darko’. [Moviefone]

12 Absurd Boxer Shorts That Will Guarantee You Never Seal the Deal With a Woman - If you wear boxer shorts at all (and aren’t like, Rick Ross) you shouldn’t get laid. Boxer briefs are where it’s at, gentlemen. [The Smoking Jacket]

Jeopardy Legend Ken Jennings Is a 99 Percenter - I’m happy to be finally lumped in with this guy about something. [The Daily What]

61-Year-Old Man Steals $130,000 From Employer to Fund His Online Porn Subscriptions - Just like the time I got my ex-girlfriend to get me a trial subscription to Camwhorevids, but on a grander scale. (P.S. I miss you, Mitra) [Brobible]

The Evolution of Cosplay in One Image - What the guy at Unreality know is that the one on the right is supposed to look like that. Also, which one is on the right. [Unreality]

The way he says “Mighty God” makes it sound like an infomercial. And yeah, none of those things you’re talking about have anything to do with how f**king nature works.

Links

Kirk Cameron Threw Himself The Most Depressing Birthday Party Ever (With Amazing Comments) - Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying, or on trying to explain to me how bananas are evidence that God exists. [UPROXX]

‘Community’ Just Blew My Mind - Unfortunately Dan Harmon has come out and said the episode isn’t as good as we think it is, so uh … thanks for helping us not enjoy your show as much, I guess? [Warming Glow]

Michael F. Assbender’s Hard Drive Is Filthy - So are his teeth. Didn’t he break his girlfriend’s nose? We should probably stop liking him so much. [Film Drunk]

Billy Corgan, Professional Wrestling Mogul - Man, if I’d known we could write about independent wrestling news I would’ve reported this six months ago. Anybody want updates on Honkey Kong in River City Wrestling? No? [UPROXX]

Drake Feat. Nicki Minaj – “Make Me Proud” - You know what would make me proud? Nicki being able to get through a line without using a computer to give her the proper amount of syllables. [Smoking Section]

Jedi Turtles: Need I Say More? - Sure, a little context would be nice. [Gamma Squad]

Lady Gaga Drops F-Bomb In Front Of President Clinton - Come on, Clinton’s vegan and hooks up with chubby girls, you know he says the f-word on the reg. [Buzzfeed]

The 23 Best ‘Simpsons’ Musician Cameos - “My image!” [AOL TV]

8 Things We Learned at ‘The Avengers’ Panel at New York Comic Con - One thing I’ll learn from the upcoming Wizard World Austin: Comic book conventions are a rip-off, and I shouldn’t have to give Melina 20 bucks to take my picture with her. [Moviefone]

Squidbillies Jack-O-Lantern Stencils - Don’t use stencils, America, freehand that sh*t. [Adult Swim]

Michael Jackson’s Neck During Moonwalk Cannot Be Unseen - Finally, something horrifying about Michael Jackson. [The Daily What]