Links

NBC ‘Fixes’ Schedule by Removing ‘Community’ - I can’t wait for them to cancel ‘Parks and Recreation’ to replace it with something stupid about a single woman in the big city trying to balance a relationship and a career. [Warming Glow]

Six Seasons And A Movie: The Stages Of ‘Community’ Grief On The Internet - I’ve been at “not cool, not cool, not cool” all day, but I’m getting pretty close to one of those Annie screaming gifs. [UPROXX]

This Shirt Is So Streets Behind - Former Best and Worst of Raw column fill-in Andrew Johnson starts writing about a dumb new WWE shirt and ends up ranting about Community. This is what NBC is doing to us, people. [The John Report]

Depression Sets In II: 5 Songs Describing The NBA Lockout - To continue the theme of depression, basketball is gone forever. What’s next, is God going to cancel cupcakes? [Smoking Section]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/14: Raw Gets Rocked - To continue the theme of depression, I had to watch three hours of The Rock trying to make things Twitter. If you haven’t read and commented yet, come on, go do that, would you? [With Leather]

The 10 Most Disgraceful Moments In MMA History - It must be horrible to be Kimbo Slice, fighting for a living but knowing deep down you couldn’t win a fight unless a helpless white guy was taking a dive. I could probably beat up Kimbo Slice. [Cage Potato]

Wear Your Nerditry With The DC Comics Collection By Converse - Not since the Portman-Kunis soccer jersey have I wanted a piece of clothing on the Internet as much as I want those Riddler shoes. Holy sh*t. [Gamma Squad]

Fake Anything Is Readying An Ad Campaign For All Of Your Inside Jokes - The fake Seinfeld movie posters are amazing. [UPROXX]

Twihards: Still Crazy After All These Years - The last Twilight movie should be full of guts and hardcore nudity and make us feel like assholes for not supporting it for the last five-or-whatever years. [Film Drunk]

The 10 Best Heavy D Videos - Also known as “every Heavy D video”, because every Heavy D video is the best. [Popcrush]

9 Athletes Who Are Way More Religious Than Tim Tebow - He’s not really that religious, he just prays a lot and hates abortions. He’s about as religious as the people in my family who never actually go to church. [The Smoking Jacket]

The Coolest 8-Bit Subway Station in the World - Why does this have to be so far away? [Unreality]

Former UFC fighter Kimbo Slice is having a hell of a boxing career; he won his first professional fight against a guy we jokingly referred to as Glass Joe (from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!) by just sorta walking toward a guy and punching, so it makes sense that his second opponent wouldn’t be much harder. The video, courtesy of our friends at Cage Potato, depicts Saturday’s entire Kimbo vs. Tay Bledsoe fight, wherein Tay gets a boxing glove brushed across his nose and it causes him to instantly lose consciousness and collapse, and probably die. You’d think a guy who was a boxing teacher (… at the military academy!) would’ve stuck in there longer, but whatever, he’s the second guy.

Eventually Kimbo’s going to have to throw hands someone who doesn’t think a quick payday is more important than dignity, but I swear, if his next opponent is an Asian guy in a “Japan’s Best” headband I’m going to laugh my ass off. Worst case scenario, somebody takes a punch and throws one back, and Kimbo signs up for three more Scorpion King movies and leaves the punching to Billy Zane.

smdh

Sports

Santiago Casilla And The Worst Plate Appearance In Baseball History - A guy with no interest in batting gets on base because a pitcher can’t throw three uncontested strikes. He’s standing like two feet from the plate, I’m thinking Billy f**king Marlin could’ve wandered out and made those throws. [SBN]

Ndamukong Suh Is Still Trying To Decapitate Quarterbacks - I wish my name was 1/50th as cool as Ndamukong Suh’s. My name is “Brandon” because I was born in the 80s. Ten years later 90210 showed up and every kid got the name. I’m going to name my nerdy white child “Ndamukong” to turn the tides. [Smoking Section]

Rex Ryan Photobombs Mark Sanchez’s GQ Photo Shoot - It does look like some pretty good bathin’. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Hot Potato Gallery: Iryna Ivanova, MMA Ring Girl And Playboy Playmate - At some point we’re going to have to draw the line in regards to whom we masturbate. Seriously, if you took away this girl’s boobs she’d be the Harry Potter cosplay girl down at Jamba Juice. She’s the type who’d show up on Ricki Lake as the LOOK AT ME NOW lady. But yes, her boobs are giant. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Summerslam 2011 - Enjoy the general positivity of this column, because I came pretty close to doing The Worst And Worst for Raw. I can’t even figure out a way to drag a Best out of Kelly Kelly at this point. [With Leather]

Alex Smith Is Awful - and nine other random thoughts from the NFL this weekend. In a better world, Burnsy’s football stuff would get 150 comments and my dumb wrestling things would be begging for feedback. I mean, moreso than they already are. [With Leather]

Kimbo Slice Hilariously Murders White Nobody - Update: Kimbo also beat Von Kaiser, but he’s having trouble on Piston Honda because he’s seven and can’t get the hang of the “block” mechanics. I would put up a better fight than this guy and I haven’t thrown a real punch since I was 16. [With Leather]

Delonte West Is A Rapper Now - Of course he is. Is he still riding around on a three-wheeled motorcycle? That would be even cooler. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Huzzah! Kate Plus 8 Finally Canceled - Now Kate can lower to her rightful role of being about as famous as Flo from Progressive. I still wish they’d done a show called “Jon Plus Non” about Jon Gosselin wandering around smoking, having to care for no-one. [Warming Glow]

On the Catwalk: The Best of the Algonquin Hotel’s Cat Fashion Show - I tried hard to justify this as sports, but came up short. I can give the thumbs up to a sex doll contest and air guitar, but not cat fashion shows. I’m doing the internet wrong. [UPROXX]

Ken Jeong and Donald Glover Talk Community Season 3 - Brandon talks wanting to watch Community Season 3 right now. It’s been off long enough for me to start thinking it’s not as good as it actually is. Come back quickly before I start having stupid opinions! [Ask Men]

The Worst People On Facebook (And Possibly The Planet) - Hoooooly sh*t. It starts off bad and gets so, so much worse. I thought I knew some messed up people. Way to ruin “boom, roasted” for everyone, jerks. [College Humor]

Kimbo Slice made his professional boxing debut at Buffalo Run Casino in Miami, Oklahoma, on Saturday night. Here’s everything you need to know about Kimbo’s life from birth until Saturday afternoon — he’s great at punching people to death, but because the world of mixed martial arts involves more than walking forward and punching, it didn’t really work out for him. Kimbo took some time off to heal up and train, and for his first opponent he chose James Wade, a guy who might as well have been a scarecrow with a piece of Wonderbread stapled to his face. Let me put it to you this way:

“James Wade is an American fighter out of Missouri, and he’s 0-1, but he doesn’t want to go 0-2. For Kimbo Slice it’s a great fight for his pro debut, it will give us time to assess where Kimbo is through his training, and how his learning curve has already begun,” Team Kimbo promotional advisor Jared Shaw said about the match-up.

“For James Wade this is his heavyweight championship, for Kimbo Slice this is his pro boxing debut.”

James Wade did not win the heavyweight championship.

Please enjoy all 17 seconds of Kimbo Slice vs. James Wade, with a little post-game wrap-up from the guy who still has his face.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sports

Wilt Chamberlain to Possibly Have His Own Postage Stamp - This is the most appropriate news bit of the day, as Wilt has been sticking it to white squares since 1958. [Smoking Section]

High Schoolers Petition to Make Quidditch a Real Sport - Blogger petitions to make high schoolers stop making decisions like this. It’s like Star Wars fans who join “Sith Councils”. Can’t you love something and not have to directly be a part of it? [Gamma Squad]

Hoop Dreams on Hulu - No real reason, I just wanted to remind you that one of the best movies of all time is on Hulu. If you have three hours to burn, you’ve got no better way to spend it. Except possibly watching Hoop Dreams in a theater, or on a TV. [Hulu]

The Dugout: Meet the UltraMets - Any Dugout that gets a cap doff from Jason Fry is an unqualified success. Go read about the Mets, and as a bonus, read about the best martial arts film of all time. TOMMY NO [The Dugout]

Kimbo Slice to Make Boxing Debut - So far, I think “being homeless” is the only thing this guy’s been able to make a sustainable career from. Up next: Kimbo Slice makes his pro wrestling debut, losing to Dick Trimmins at your local armory! [Cage Potato]

Not Sports

A Golden Treasury of Rihanna Grabbing Her Crotch - The caption for most of these photos should be “Please! Please use your words!” Part of me wishes we could get into pop stars who wear shirts and occasionally pants, but hey, she’s foxy, so good for her. [Uproxx]

Man, Woody Allen is Old - Yeah, but for about fifteen years he was a goddamned genius. And not the kind you say a guy who draws web comics is, an actual creative genius. He deserves any ingenue he can hook up with, whether they’re related to him or not. [Film Drunk]

Chris Hansen’s Most Memorable ‘To Catch a Predator’ Moments - Included in the Morning Links to make my girlfriend laugh. My favorite TCAP moment is when the false internet teen asked guys to bring her double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s to “show intent”. [Uproxx]

Tracy Morgan Can’t Joke About Any Living Peoples - Poor Tracy Morgan. He makes uninformed opinions about killing gay people and now he can’t talk about ANYBODY. Anti-bullying groups need to target Gallagher for his callous words about immigrants and watermelons. [Warming Glow]

In May of last year, monstrous hobo turned Internet sensation turned disappointing punching bag Kimbo Slice lost a UFC bout to Matt Mitrione by TKO and was cut from the company. He used his time away to film a “Drake and Josh” Christmas special and about forty movies where he’s in prison and has a bunch of guns, but now he’s setting his sights on a return to the world of competitive fighting — by calling out Ray Edwards of the Minnesota Vikings.

The challenge makes a little sense when you learn how Edwards has been taking on boxing matches to bring in cash during the lockout (because I guess Vaudeville doesn’t exist anymore), but still.

“I’ll tell you right now on the air, I’ve called Mike Riley to get in touch with Ray Edwards’ people and I’ve made an open challenge to come fight Kimbo Slice. That fight I will deliver,” former EliteXC vice president Jared Shaw told MMAWeekly Radio.

“If Ray Edwards wants to step up and fight Kimbo Slice I will deliver that to the public. There’s two guys that come from athletic backgrounds, that haven’t been in the ring that many times, so let’s see two big boys bang it out. If Ray Edwards thinks he’s a great boxer, then maybe he thinks he can go through Kevin Ferguson very quickly.”

The comments continue, and I think we can all agree that they are no homoerotic at all.

“Some people will call it a circus, but you can call it whatever you want … It’s two guys who are willing to get in the ring and bang it out. I don’t really call that a circus.”

I uh, I guess I wouldn’t call that a circus either.

[H/T to OTB]