According to something known as the “news”, Kenneth Bae is a 44-year old Korean-American who was arrested in North Korea and sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for “hostile acts” against the country. Of course, nobody but Kim Jong-Un and his super happy government officials know what those hostile acts consisted of, as Bae was in the country with some Chinese businessmen. Needless to say, Americans are very concerned for Bae’s well-being, and many people are hoping that someone like Bill Clinton or Jimmy Carter can work some magic like they have in the past.

Alas, North Korea officials have stated that they would not allow Bae to become a political bargaining chip as other prisoners of the state have been in the past. Fortunately, the U.S. has a secret weapon that may help in this case. No, it’s not one of thousands of missiles that could smear Kim Jong-Un’s ass from Onsong to Haeju. This weapon is smarter, stronger, faster and sometimes dressed like a woman. It’s Dennis Rodman.

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As a resident of Austin, Texas, I’m on supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un’s “show America what’s up by firing missles at them” list. I’m still not 100% sure why. Washington, Los Angeles, Austin. But hey, I haven’t been missile attacked since I heard the news, so I assume I got away with my treasonous whatevers or was at least outside of the blast radius.

Now here comes College Humor with their The Adventures of Kim Jong-un animated series to ensure that the entire INTERNET gets threatened attacked, and they roped me into it by peppering an episode with Space Jam jokes. Just when I think I’m out, College Humor, you pull me back in.

I present to you now supreme leader Kim Jong-un, Yao Ming, Dennis “Denzel” Rodman and Lola Bunny (no, seriously) in The Adventures of Kim Jong-un. Watch at your own risk.

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“Let’s go, black giant!”

Warming Glow’s SNL recap included a clip of Jay Pharoah and Bobby Moynihan doing Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-un (respectively, in the most unnecessary use of “respectively” ever) on Weekend Update. All they said was that they missed the weird, 90s Rodman that wore spaceship sunglasses and stuck his tongue into things. Hopefully they’ll have a similar reaction 10 years from now when somebody’s doing a Bobby Moynihan impression, so they can say, “I miss this Bobby Moynihan” and share a GIF of him pantslessly eating from a honey pot.

I’m way happier with Jay Pharoah playing all the black athletes than Kenan Thompson doing it, because at least he puts some effort into it, whether we need a 100% accurate impression or not. It’s a hell of a lot better than Kenan playing everybody with his Pierre Escargot voice. “I AM DENNIS RODMAN, THE WORM” and then he just looks at the camera.

Anyway, here’s the clip, if you missed it:

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"Oh no, they're showing Guys with Kids commercials?"

Despite being a nation still celebrating the all-natural and not-at-all-staged marriage of Kim Jung-Un to former singer Ri Sol Ju, who clearly loves him for his looks and personality, all was not well yesterday for the people of North Korea. It seems that some no-good Westerner at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London showed the outside world’s bias as the North Korean women’s soccer team took the field for its first match against Colombia.

As the players were introduced, they refused to take the field, because the video screen in the stadium showed their pictures next to a South Korean flag. This, of course, is unsettling for them because they are eternally at war with those democracy-loving infidels to the south. If Kim Jong-Il saw this, he’d be spinning in his grave. Screw that, he is spinning in his grave, because he’s the best dead person ever.

“Yes, we were angry because our players were introduced as if they are from South Korea, something that may affect us very greatly as you might know,” North Korea coach Sin Ui-Gun said.

“Winning the game cannot compensate this. It is a different matter. We hope there is no repeat in the next matches,” he added. (Via ABC News)

And win they did, as the North Koreans defeated Colombia 2-0. They can act outraged all they want, but this is a fantastic opportunity for the North Koreans to use this as a driving force. As for NBC, this is also a fantastic marketing tool. In order to make sure this doesn’t happen again, why not replace every country’s flag with some marketing tools for our favorite shows that are crapping in the ratings every week?

Just a thought, NBC…

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