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One Way Ticket To Snubtown! Breaking Down The Pro Bowl Rosters - When did Ray Lewis get the “you can be in the Pro Bowl forever no matter what” Derek Jeter card, and how do we get it away from him? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

…And Then Rajon Rondo Airballed A Lay-up - Mhoops! This has got to be the most Brandon Stroud Playing Horse shot in the history of the NBA. [Smoking Section]

The Greatest Sportscasting Moments Of 2011 - Jon Bois, WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE! [SB Nation]

Video: In Nate Diaz’s Defense, Donald Cerrone Shouldn’t Have ‘Put His Stupid-Ass Cowboy Hat All Up On’ Him - Stuff like this is way worse than wrestling, I don’t care how real it is. I do not want to see someone get into a shoving match because another guy’s cowboy hat was “all up on him”. [Cage Potato]

Humpday Mashup Dump: Skyrim Edition - I wanted to make an arrow in the knee joke, but I bought the game like two weeks too late and people have microscopic attention spans and a comedic expiration date of “the second time I’ve seen something”. Same thing happened to me with Portal. F**k you, the cake is still funny. [Gamma Squad]

The Weeping At Kim Jong Il’s Funeral Was Predictably Ridiculous - North Korea is more or less the “tough biker guy crying in fear when he sees a puppy” of people in real life. Like, I want to make fun of them, but Jesus, how f**ked up are they? Someone introduce Miley Cyrus to that country, stat. [UPROXX]

‘Modern Family’ Recut As A Horror Movie - Great, now it’s going to win all the SCREAM awards meant for the horror recut of Parks and Rec. [UPROXX]

Ben Affleck Plays Serious Harry Ellis - The best idea for a Die Hard prequel ever. Seriously, I would pay to watch two hours of Harry Ellis being a non-satirical American Psycho. [Film Drunk]

2011′s Most Popular Torrent Searches Prove Something We’ve Known All Along - I love that you have to have a qualifier to include WWE as TV. Hey, I’m a pussy vegan and I’m the one searching ‘WWE’. How else am I supposed to get the right pictures for the Best And Worst Of Raw? [Warming Glow]

Michele Bachmann Saying Literally Anything She Can On Fox News To Feign Iowa Momentum - As bad as things get, at least we can count on never having a lady who acts like this as our President. Terrifying. [Buzzfeed]

A transformer exploded outside of my house when I was eleven, and it was the scariest thing ever. I thought Jesus was coming back.

[gif via Mocksession]

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

The Internet Reacts To The Death Of Kim Jung Il - And speaking of power outages, watch as 99.9% of the world reacts to a dictator’s death with quotes and images from Team America: World Police, because that’s what they know him from. America, f**k yeah! [UPROXX]

The Absolute Very Worst Movies Of 2011! - Hello Burnsy, I am the director of Mars Needs Moms and we need to have a serious talk. [Film Drunk]

7 Things About ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ That You Might Not Know - Where are you, Christmas? Why can’t I find you? Oh, wait, sorry, I was looking in November. [Warming Glow]

Jessica Burciaga May Or May Not Be Kobe’s Mistress, But She’s Definitely Hot - I wonder what Robert Awful’s mistress looks like? [Smoking Section]

Second Trailer For The Dark Knight Rises Has Officially Arrived - Anne Hathaway is still absolutely not a bad ass, but okay, this looks pretty great so far. And thank goodness poor Hines Ward didn’t die! [Gamma Squad]

Bill Murray Shredded The Ghostbusters 3 Script? - <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 [Gamma Squad]

25 People Who Thought Lil Kim Died - When Lil Kim does die, I want the cause of death to be “choked on a Sprite can”. [Buzzfeed]

Google’s ‘Let It Snow’ Feature is Easter Egg For the Holiday Season - A fun way to ruin ‘Let It Snow’ is to sing the lyrics “let us know, let us know, let us know”. It’s almost as good as replacing “pumpkin” with “f**kin” in ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’. [The FW]

Top 100 cult films. List fails without _______ - These lists are always terrible because people think “cult” means “a movie that didn’t make a ton of money at first, or did and I just didn’t see it”. Like, how is Lord Of The Rings a cult movie? But it’s always on these. [FARK]

The 15 Best Single Episodes of Television in 2011 - I don’t care when “The Suitcase” aired, it’s still my #1. [Pajiba]

I’m not going to complain about how sorry my life is for like three days after reading this story. After the North Korean national team qualified for the 2010 World Cup for the first time since 1966, you’d think things were looking all peachy keen (Besides the fact that they have to reside in North Korea, of course) for them, right? WRONG. Their trip to South Africa resulted in a miserable flop of an appearance that resulted in three straight losses, including a nationally televised debacle of a game against Portugal when they surrendered 7 goals in a mortifying loss that ended with a walk to the locker room that probably felt like the Bataan death march.

Now a loss like this would ordinarily have sent a bout of white hot rage searing through the veins of almighty leader Kim Jong-il if he still had the ability to stay conscious for more than 5 minutes, but now that he spends most of his time trying to find his glasses the punishment responsibilities were handed down to his son Kim Jong un, who came down upon his mangy bunch of soccer playing failures with the full force of the hammer of Thor, which Kim Jong-il coincidently claims he owns.

The entire squad was forced onto a stage at the People’s Palace of Culture and subjected to criticism from Pak Myong-chol, the sports minister, as 400 government officials, students and journalists watched. The players were subjected to a “grand debate” on July 2 because they failed in their “ideological struggle” to succeed in South Africa, Radio Free Asia and South Korean media reported.

The team’s coach, Kim Jong-hun, was reportedly forced to become a builder and has been expelled from the Workers’ Party of Korea. The coach was punished for “betraying” Kim Jong-un – one of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il’s sons and heir apparent.

Following ideological criticism, the players were then allegedly forced to blame the coach for their defeats. -Telegraph

Remember all of those people who joke that the North Korea soccer team was about to be sent down to the coal mines in a runaway mine cart to work in a spooky cave filled with flesh-eating mega-bats? Well you guys must feel like a bunch of jerks now, don’t you? Read the rest of this entry »

The latest companies to hop off the T. Woods Man-Gravy Train to Whore City are Tag Heuer and Gillette.  As far as Tag Heuer is concerned,

the company’s CEO Jean-Christophe Babain is quoted as saying in the Swiss newspaper Le Matin: “We recognize Tiger Woods as a great sportsman, but we have to take into account the sensitivity of some consumer in relation to recent events.”–People.com

Since Gillette’s slogan is “The Best a Man Can Get”, I have to wonder if they were just pissed because he chose to slam his meat into girls that look like this, this, and this.  When you’re worth in excess of $600 milli, I’d hope you could buy something that doesn’t resemble the truck stop tranny you’d find on the other side of a glory hole.

I just really hope that once his divorce is final he can still afford to buy his mom some more sweat suits and El Pollo Loco so she can continue to cram her face full of shame.