If you were wondering, the title of this video translates to “Fastest girl from Kazakhstan!” The YouTube description reads:

The new technique of training young athletes.

You know, I’m hesitant to use the KIDS WHO COULD KICK MY ASS tag — that’s usually reserved for monster 9-year old weightlifters and kids who break out Street Fighter moves on bullies, but damn, if this girl keeps training, she’ll be a goddamn whirlwind by the time she’s large enough to hit with some force.

Wait, she can already do that? All right, all right.

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We write about a lot of stupid kids at With Leather — the little girl who held fish over a dolphin tank and stopped paying attention, kids who let soccer players wipe boogers on their faces, kids who don’t keep their head up at hockey camp and whimpery little baseball kids who cry to get what they want among them — so it’s nice to occasionally take a step back and remember that there are kids in the world who have it together, and could straight-up kickbox you to death.

Case in point: Reshat Mati, a kid who is 13-years old and good enough at murdering you that adults (adults!) call him THE ALBANIAN BEAR. You know, the kind of nickname you get when you’ve garroted somebody with piano wire in the background of an episode of ‘The Wire.’

From The Show PRODIGIES – They take you inside the gritty, adrenaline-fueled world of youth boxing and martial arts. Meet Reshat Mati, known as the Albanian bear. At thirteen years old, Reshat is already a world champion kickboxer, muay thai fighter and grappler, and a United States National Silver Gloves boxing champion. (via MMA TKO)

Also impressive is this kid’s collection of “like 22″ championship belts, including one that says NAGA NORTH AMERICAN GRAPPLING CHAMPION but is pretty clearly Ric Flair’s “Big Gold” World Heavyweight Championship:

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For the general improvement of your Friday afternoon, please enjoy this clip (by way of Prep Rally) from a game in the 7th/8th grade indoor lacrosse league at suburban Philadelphia’s BucksMont Indoor Sports Center wherein a kid taking a penalty shot worries a little too much about flip-cradling the ball and gets Sat The F**k Down by a child goalie in Tony Stark’s Mark I Iron Man armor. It is brutal, apparently legal and absolutely glorious.

There’s also something adorable about a kid doing the YEAH NOW WHAT shoulder shrug at someone he’s just leveled, then just walking away calmly into the loving arms of his teammates.

A positive aside to the video is the sportsmanship shown by both sides, as the kid who takes the hit takes it like a true Lax Bro and baby Robocop reciprocates. These videos have trained me to expect the downed kid to get up swinging.

Last year we shared with you the story of Naomi Kutin, a then 88-pound 9-year old from Fairlawn, New Jersey, who became an Internet sensation when a video surfaced or her squatting 187-pounds. Unlike a lot of other flash in the pan viral favorites (Jeremy Lin, I’m looking in your direction), Naomi wasn’t satisfied being “that kid from the weightlifting video”. She wanted to be the only kid from the weightlifting video.

On Sunday, Kutin used her proportional strength of a spider to break the world record for raw squatting when she lifted 215 pounds, more than twice her body weight. To put it another way, holy sh*t, she just squatted ME.

The previous record for the 97 pound division was 209 pounds broken by a 44 year old European woman last summer. Kutin actually regained her own record after losing it several months ago.

Kutin drew a round of applause from the onlookers as she completed the record-breaking lift.

“When I was younger, my friends would be doing a lot of things that I couldn’t do, and I wanted to do something extraordinary,” an excited Kutin said. “I wanted to break a record of some sort and I just really wanted to get this record.” (via KIII TV)

Congratulations to Naomi for pulling a Billy Mitchell, and for putting those European 40-year olds in their place. This is certainly a more athletic use of the KIDS WHO COULD KICK MY ASS tag than usual, as we usually hand it out for pre-teens Zangiefing bullies and adults who have turned their children into monsters.

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The good news is that not every child born in Romania is destined to live the horror of those orphans that we’ve heard about for so long. The bad news is that the kids with families are being put into strict training programs that allow them to grow up as super children with giant muscles and major ass-kicking abilities. At least that’s the case for brothers Guiliano and Claudiu Stroe, who might possibly be the strongest 7- and 5-year old boys in the world, respectively.

While a lot of people might not be too keen on beefing up their toddlers, I can only imagine that somewhere Michelle Obama is scratching her chin and trying to determine a way to pump steroids into the cardboard that is chopped up before becoming cafeteria lunch meat. Better yet, don’t be surprised if Michelle and Snooki are spotting hanging out, as The Jersey Shore star’s pregnancy news could unlock the secret to producing juiced up Guido babies.

America cannot fall behind, damn it!

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This video (Ebaums-World’d for use on the Tosh.0 Blog) confirms what I’ve long feared: a stationary baby could beat me at ping pong.

“Jamie playing multiball” is the title, and the only context provided is, “Couldn’t keep Jamie away from the table!” so I don’t know how the baby learned to play or how he got on the table by himself or what the hell “multiball” is, so I hope you can enjoy it on its own merits. Worst case scenario, this kid turns out to be Soviet and we’ve got an awesome antagonist for 20-years-from-now’s Cold War table tennis showdowns.

Bonus: This is sorta the “Fitter Happier” of babies playing ping pong videos. After a couple of views I’ve become obsessed with what’s going on in the background. Who will win, yellow or black? What are they laughing about? I feel like if I watch it long enough I’ll see Abed delivering a baby back there somewhere.