Today I learned that the 2014 Winter Olympics and Paralympics will take place in Russia, and I may have already known that but this is 2013 so I either packed it away in the POD storage unit in my brain or I deleted it so I could make room for the unofficial Taco Bell Volcano Sauce recipe, because that sh*t’s important. Either way, the 2014 Winter Olympics is something that will happen and people in Russia are already working on big things.

For example, people in Sochi are already busting their asses storing snow so they have enough for next year, and as I wrote that, I asked myself, “Do I go with a joke about Snow the rapper or say that ‘storing snow’ is a Lindsay Lohan cocaine euphemism?” but I didn’t want to deviate from the main point.

The Sochi Olympics mascots are already out doing their promotional thing, and they were met by this young boy earlier in the week. There’s really nothing much else to this other than look at this little Russian bro telling the rest of the world what’s up.

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Yesterday while going through some old images in my “SFW” folders, I came across this photo from a recent “friendly” match between the New England Revolution and Manchester United. On the left, you’ll notice that less-than-thrilled trophy-bearer is Man. U defender Nemanja Vidic. He’s meaningless to us, because he has completely been dwarfed by that pint-sized powerhouse to his right.

I don’t know that kid’s name, nor do I know why he’s hanging out with Vidic. Bottom line – I don’t care. That kid is awesome, and I couldn’t hide my desire to turn him into our latest Photoshop superstar. Exciting soccer kid is going far, so let’s get in on the ground floor.

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The 2011 Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee took place yesterday in Washington, DC and the big winner was Sukanya Roy, pictured above, as she spelled cymotrichous to win the whole damn thing. The spelling bee always draws a lot of criticism when it comes to being aired on ESPN and covered by sports sites like this, but I challenge you to find me a more intense and dramatic competition featuring some of the most intelligent and important young people in the world. Seriously, these kids are our future, so we need them to be spelling those big words. Plus, as a former spelling bee champion (Coral Springs Middle School, two times WHAT SON!), the Scripps event holds a special place in my heart.

These kids deserve the attention and respect, too, because the words they have to spell are ridiculous. I remember when I thought “hippopotamus” was hard, and that was just last week. Thankfully, while these kids show great mental strength and bravery for competing in front of the entire world, they make some pretty ridiculous faces. Now I don’t condone making fun of children, especially when they’re doing something this impressive. I only make fun of kids when they fall down and cry, because someone needs to. Regardless, the champion spellers at Buzzfeed dug up the best of this year’s national spelling bee faces for us to enjoy. Sadly, nobody fainted.

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With all of the football and soccer trick shots making the web rounds – Johnny McEntee, Alex Tanney, Zach Enyeart, Lassi Hurskainen, the U.S. Women’s Cup Team, etc. etc. – I had thought we’d seen it all. But I thought too fast, friends, because 8-year old Daron Bryden is here to show us a thing or two. Daron is the quarterback for the Manchester Sentinels youth football team in Connecticut, and according to the video after the jump, he is one of the top youth football prospects in the country, which leads me to wonder: 1) How do you rank youth football players? and Two) Does he need an agent?

Daron shows off three tricks for us – the half-court basket pass, knocking a shoe off of two stacked trash cans from 15 yards, and a 30-yard trash can swish. In related news, Chad Henne claims he’s making progress on his next trick – throwing to his teammates.

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It’s been a rough week for America, what with that stuff that we won’t talk about right now (Duke losing, of course) and it always helps to have something inspirational fall into our laps. And while my greatest inspiration, Rachel Bilson, has yet to fall into my lap, we were lucky enough to stumble across this video of 8-year old Elizabeth Hughes performing the National Anthem at a Norfolk Admirals hockey game on January 7.

As Elizabeth was nailing it – just crushing that Star Spangled Banner – her mic cut out, leaving her tiny-yet-powerful voice without the benefit of amplification. That’s when the crowd collectively shouted, “To heck with your faulty sound system! To heck, we say!” and they lifted Elizabeth up with their voices and gave a giant middle finger to this country’s enemies.

Strap a cassette player to your leg and fly a jet into your heart, video after the jump…

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When I was growing up on the mean streets of suburban South Florida, my parents were unable to provide me with standard sporting equipment like a baseball glove or a football helmet, so every Christmas they just gave me a piece of rope. Eventually I was able to tie them all together and make one long rope and I used that long rope daily to train myself to become the greatest jump rope artist in the history of the world. At least that’s what I remember in bits and pieces of my childhood because I started drinking early on in my teen years and it’s all a bit of a haze. I may have also been a basketball-playing wolfman. Who knows?

But the young ladies who make up the King’s Firecrackers jump rope team are the real badasses, as they put on a show recently at the U.S. Naval Academy. And while you may say that it’s not cool or jump ropes are for girls and bullies to strangle emo kids with, their routine is probably 99% better than anything that you or I are going to do today. Unless you count my karaoke rendition of Smash Mouth’s “All-Star” which I will perform once again at Taco Tuesday tonight. Throw all the beer bottles you want, but I’m still going to sing their 90s brand of fun rock!

Hop on over after the jump for footage of the Firecrackers latest performance (they’re also in talks to have a movie made about their efforts) as well as some other interesting halftime performances…

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