Alleged Duke lacrosse rape victim Crystal Mangum found herself back in the news earlier this week, and it wasn’t because she was putting her newfound police psychology degree to good use, either.

Mangum, 32, found herself in legal trouble for smashing her boyfriend’s windshield, slashing his tires and then setting his clothes on fire, allegedly in response to being punched in the face by him.

Because her three children were in the Durham, N.C., house where these activities were taking place, prosecutors brought the child abuse charges.

She served 88 days in jail, two days shy of what the maximum penalty would have allowed.

Questions the jury asked Jones during deliberations suggest the three dissenting jurors thought she was reckless in setting fire to a pile of her boyfriend’s clothing in their bathtub. That fire ended up charring the walls and ceiling of the bathroom, with Mangum’s three children and two police officers in the apartment.

–Raleigh News-Observer.

Doesn’t “Mangum” sound like the perfect name for a stripper? Mangum. Man. Gum. Awesome. By the way, she managed a mistrial on that first-degree arson, although some people thought that she was being treated harshly for her rape accusations of four years ago. The boyfriend that allegedly punched her in the face, by the way, wasn’t charged. Probably because he wasn’t on the “lineup card.”

While I haven’t accidentally impregnated a girl to enter forced fatherhood, I’m still fully aware that Kidz Bop albums may be the most obnoxious thing on this planet, aside from Old Navy commercials and Daniel Songer. But according to my paternally imprisoned friends, they wear kids out pretty quickly so they apparently have some value. Now parents can get their kids overly excited about popular sports anthems and wear them out, thanks to Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard, who is releasing “Shoot for the Stars”, an album of sports anthems for kids… sung by Dwight.

The album is part of Dwight’s work that he does with Orlando’s BETA Center, which is an organization that deals with at-risk families and teen moms. The proceeds of the album will go directly to the organization, so it’s pretty cool that he’d make an album to benefit kids. In related news, LeBron James tried recording an album but he just ended up contributing to Dwyane Wade’s album instead.

Track listing and hellish nightmare after the jump.

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Brian McCann waited on second base for a sign, and when the umpires came out of their little replay cave, he got it–the twirly finger signal for a home run. McCann hit the first-ever walkoff shot to come under the scrutiny of instant replay, which triggered an odd comparison with Little League baseball. The princes of pubescence have had their own replay system in place for their Little League World Series: one that seems ridiculously practical and efficient.

Each coach can challenge any one call – that’s ONE call – and the umpire goes to a replay screen behind the grandstands underneath home plate to take a look at the play. It’s a pretty quick process, and if the coach is right, the play is reversed, and the coach keeps the right to challenge another play later if he or she chooses. If the umpire’s original call was correct, then the coach is out of challenges. –Scott Kendrick/About.com

Having said all of that, the Little League doesn’t belong on TV. Children should be seen on “America’s Got Talent” and not heard. Ever. If Whitney Houston could see the state of children today, she’d be spinning in her grave. What’s that? She’s still alive? Are you sure?

ASYLUM POLL: Should MLB expand instant replay?

I’m the last person on earth that would advocate violence perpetrated against children (publicly, at least), but there’s something about this story that strikes me as hilarious. Parents in a Fayetteville, Arkansas community are suing a church for allegedly forcing children to punch each other while in their care. Of course it isn’t quite as funny when you put it that way.

The parents of six children are seeking resolution alleging that the day care inside had turned into a fight club.

According to the lawsuit filed Friday, children as young as 3 were forced to play a game called “Ring of Fire,” where they were taught to punch each other in the face, chest or stomach until one child cried.
In the lawsuit, their parents claim that their children had come home with bruises — something other parents can’t even imagine.

“We are disappointed that the parents had chosen to take this step. It is now in the hands of attorneys, and we will let this play out,” said Brian Swain, church administrator.–40/29 TV, via ShareBros Spencer + Jack.

The parents were tipped off when some of the kids came home with bruises, which totally could have been explained by harmless roughhousing or church-sanctioned sodomy. As it stands now, no criminal charges have been filed, which is too bad, because I see Pedo Bear having potential as an awesome character witness. More kid fighting and awesome parenting in a video after the jump, just for you. And everyone else reading this. Read the rest of this entry »

The Yankees spend a week every year doing something called HOPE week, where they spend a week trying to do good deeds for sad little children as part of a community outreach program to give back for being the most evil franchise in modern sporting history. The first party thrown was for little Jorge Grajales. Unfortunately for him and some poor patsy in the Yankees’ community outreach planning department, it was a pool party and he’s a quadruple amputee. What’re they going to do, pretend to have fun in the pool as he wistfully looks at their moving appendages in sadness? At least he gets to ogle girlfriend breasts, eh?

Mariano Rivera, Nick Swisher, Brett Gardner, Dustin Moseley, Kevin Long and Mike Harkey surprised 13-year-old quadruple amputee Jorge Grajales with a pool party in New Jersey.

Jorge and his foster parents, John and Faye Dyksen, live in North Haledon. Family friends hosted the pool party, where the Yankees players and coaches surprised Jorge. The group of friends and family will be invited to tonight’s game at Yankee Stadium where Jorge will throw out the first pitch. -LoHude Yankees Blog

They’re going to make him sit at his own pool party from a wheelchair then make him throw a baseball with no arms?! What kind of sick twisted torture program is this, anyway?! Ashton Kutcher, is that you?

When commenter cum laude Upstate Underdog sent in this blog post with the headline, “Angels Promotion ‘Steal 3rd’ Begins with 11-Year-Old Breaking his Arm,” I laughed my ass off, mainly because I’m a detriment to humanity. But this kid whose name is inexplicably Beecher Halliday, put me in my place. After breaking his arm on the first few steps to third base from left field, he gets up and keeps running.

Let’s recap: a sixth-grader BREAKS HIS ARM IN FRONT OF 30,000 PEOPLE, only to get up and keep running. Beecher, it’s people like you that add to humanity all of those things that I take away. Video evidence of Beecher’s testicular fortitude awaits you after the jump. I salute you, young sir who stole his name from a porno western movie. Good luck in puberty, not that you’ll need it. Read the rest of this entry »