From the folks at Bar Stool comes a surefire new viral video about a kid known only as “Lil Papi”, and with more than 126,000 views at the time of this Cheeto-dusted post, chances are you may have already seen this home run trot for the ages. Inspired by some of the big league’s biggest showboaters, this young masher sends a pitch over the fence before be-boppin’ and scatting all over the opposing pitcher and his teammates.

Originally, I was going to offer my opinion before asking what our readers thought of this young boy’s antics, but nobody really cares that I think Taco Bell’s Volcano Tacos are delicious, so I am once again ceding my opinion to the Internet’s wisest pontificators and oracles of humanity – YouTube commenters.

What do the world’s greatest anonymous minds think of a young boy flaunting his swag after going yard? You may be surprised.

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That's actually how I picture Dax Sheppard any time I hear his name.

The Teen Choice Awards took place last night in the fourth level of hell Los Angeles, and once again the big winners were the PR and marketing teams of Hollywood film and TV studios that busted their asses the hardest to make sure that people teenagers have never heard of inexplicably won awards. For instance, Zoe Saldana won Choice Movie Actress: Action for Colombiana, a film that .000000001% of teenagers actually saw. However, she won because she showed up, unlike Jennifer Lawrence, who would have won, because every teenage girl on Earth would have voted for her for The Hunger Games.

But that’s a different story for a different site. Instead, let’s pay tribute to those trendy teens and their sports heroes, as they once again voted to select the most relevant athletes of the day. The 2012 Teen Choice Award for Choice Male Athlete is David Beckham, while Choice Female Athlete is Serena Williams. Well, I am absolutely OUTRAG… actually, that’s not terrible. Beckham just re-upped with the reigning MLS Champions (I’d still have expected LeBron James to win), while Williams won both the singles and doubles titles at Wimbledon. So if teens indeed voted for them, I’m relieved. Of course, neither Beckham nor Williams showed up and Shaun White was the only actual athlete in attendance, but I guess it’s progress.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the future of this planet and our youth as a whole. Join me for a mini-rant after the jump, will you?

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There is apparently crying in tennis. And lawsuits.

As the war against the “Pussification of America” rages on, it’s comforting to see that other countries are also dealing with their share of coddling parents and frivolous lawsuits. Take Australia, for instance, as the home of koalas and Paul Hogan is also now the home of one young girl with a bruised eye, after she was hit in the face with a tennis ball during her tennis lessons at her private school in Queensland.

And as if that sentence didn’t already tell you where this is going, the parents of the wounded girl are of course suing the hell out of everyone.

The claim alleges Julia had hit classmate Finley Enright-Burns in the eye with a tennis ball during a tennis lesson at the Mudgeeraba school last October. It alleges Julia was “smashing” balls back to Finley on the baseline when the incident happened.

Finley did not go to hospital but is alleged to have suffered an eye injury which needed medical treatment.

The claim, filed on behalf of Finley by her architect father Paul Burns, also names Somerset College and its Jay Deacon’s Tennis School as defendants.

“It’s bizarre … beyond belief,” Dr Wright-Smith told The Courier-Mail yesterday. (Via The Courier-Mail, H/T to Fark)

My initial response to this story was: “Screw these people, I hope the judge throws the case out and shouts, ‘I’m sorry your kid sucks at tennis!;” But that’s never going to happen, because lawyers will find a way to drag this thing out and milk the school for every penny, while the girl with the eye that will heal mumbles to herself, “I f*cking hate tennis, why did you even make me play it?” which sucks for the kids at her school who actually like playing tennis, because now the school will have to pay more insurance and eliminate tennis as a result.

Soon enough, kids won’t even be able to play Trivial Pursuit in school, because they could get a paper cut from those dangerous cards. Eventually, your kid’s school is just going to look like this…

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I don’t normally like to post pictures of children, not because it’s creepy, but because they’re not Kate Upton. But I decided to change that today since there were a bunch of kids at the Super Bowl’s NFL Experience yesterday and they were absolutely adorable. And yes, this is my strange way of admitting that I had a sheltered childhood as a shogun assassin, and I’m quite jealous that these kids get to dive into pits of foam squares while pretending to catch a game-winning pass. All I had was a stupid Pogo Ball and Miami Dolphins tickets.

But childhood inadequacies aside, I’m just an absolute sucker for the images of little kids standing behind the gigantic NFL player bodies. Also, in a macabre sort of way, I started wondering, “What could Aaron Rodgers do to get his head chopped off?” I’m not saying I want him dead, because as I’ve already stated multiple times I have a huge hetero man crush on him, but seeing that giant No. 12 jersey with no head just got me thinking that a girl would have to be pretty pissed at him to chop his head off.

Dammit, I think I just made another federal watch list.

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Here’s a story that will melt the icy stone in your heart: a 10-year-old kid from New York heard about the financial plight of Bears defensive legend William “Refrigerator” Perry, so after Cliff Forest bought Perry’s ring in a pawn shop for $8,500, he sought the legend out and returned the ring to him. As a gift.

“It’s what I wanted to do. When I Googled Mr. Perry after I got the ring, I saw he had (Guillain-Barre syndrome) and went through rough times. And I thought he needed it more than I did.”[..]

“When Cliff saw the ring, he said he had to have it,” his mother, Tracy, told ESPN. “Once I saw the price, I said, ‘Absolutely not. We’re not buying the ring.’

–The Huddle, via Amber Jones.

Perry reportedly has been battling obesity and alcoholism among other ailments (his agent told one media outlet that Perry actually had to re-learn how to sign his name). Perrys ring size, by the way, is 25, which means that little Cliff probably could have worn it as a belt.

Here’s a lighter NFL story that doesn’t involve cross-dressing or people getting shot in bars: Hall Of Fame linebacker Harry Carson had donated one of those mini-helmets to a non-profit charity auction to help kids with cancer, but then somebody stole it. Carson responded like a pro and offered to replace it.

I will donate another helmet to the charity but instead of a mini helmet I would be donating a Giants full size “Throwback” Replica Helmet. Let me know if you are available around 1:00 Wednesday afternoon…Actually, if it helps the charity I would be willing to personally deliver the item if the highest bidder is in the NY/NJ area.

[emails courtesy of Tom at celebritymagnet]

Even more impressive than Carson’s generosity is his ability to recognize that they couldn’t keep track of a mini-helmet, so he (a) donated a helmet that was larger, and therefore easier to see, but also (b) offered to hang onto it until the auction was over. You’re a swell guy, Harry. As for that guy that stole an auction item from a children’s cancer charity? I’m sure he’ll eventually get what’s coming to him. Or her.

Bid on Carson’s helmet here until the 28th. And no, I didn’t steal the original helmet. I only steal from healthy kids. They don’t realize how good they have it.