We’ve covered this before, but apparently it requires repeating: if you catch a foul ball at a baseball game, do NOT give it to a kid. Ever. Even if it’s your own precious little munchkin clad in pink. And it’s nothing against the kids, I swear. Some of them actually know better, but how do you know they know better? They have the rest of their lives to catch a foul ball. What’s funny [to me] is that the wonderful gentleman that sent me this said, “If you use this try not to degrade the innocent youth-she’s not riding a tricycle the wrong way!” Good point.
Honestly, I think fishing is one of the dumbest things ever. Sorry, but I can’t do anything slower than playing golf or helping out autistic kids down at the learning center. Sure, I make it look like I’m the one helping them, but where else am I gonna get free crayons? I got stuck with one of those 64-packs, and I can’t tell the difference between brown and burnt siena without HOLY CRAP DID THAT 5-YEAR-OLD GIRL JUST PULL THAT FISH OUT OF A STREAM WITH HER BARE HANDS?! FIRE UP THE SKILLET, MABEL! WE EATIN’ GUUD TONIGHT! YEE HAW!
This is just your typical story of a red-headed English kid in the southern UK who went back to racing in motorsports after nearly decapitating himself and getting a bunch of screws stuck into his neck. Wow, if his neck was screwed up that bad, I’d hate to see his teeth.
In September 2006, Stewart, then 12 years old, was driving a 1,000cc Mini go-kart when he crashed head-on into a metal barrier at over 50 mph. The force of the hit was so intense that his head was internally wrenched from the top of his neck. Yikes. via.
Anyway, the kid was operated on for seven hours to repair what’s been called a “hangman’s injury,” and nine months later he was walking again. He’s been cleared by doctors to race go-karts, which really doesn’t make any sense to me. Why spell “go-karts” with a K when “cart” is spelled with a C? Good thing Ufford’s on vacation right now or he’d probably have an aneurysm. via.
Mia Hamm scored over 250 goals in her storied soccer career, but I can’t remember her ever drilling someone in the face. Certainly not over wonderfully ambient flute music. Seriously, watching the slow-motion replay of this is probable my favorite thing of the day. But to be fair, there wasn’t much competition from llama golf and Joe DiMaggio’s wang. If I could do this to my own kids, I would just have, like 29 of them. That’s a nice, round number. via.
UPDATE: Sexy reader Matt bring us a bonus headshot. “He shouldn’t have his head there…“
This is Casey Mulligan, a infielder floating around with the Long Beach Cardinals in Class A ball, doing a terrific one-man re-enactment of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” And dude really makes this song his own, dawg. The one batting glove and the stirrup socks should please all of the purists. Somebody needs to smack that kid at the end that screams, “Do it again!” I got a better idea, you little bastard: go get a job. This is what happens when you hand foul balls to these little ingrates that don’t earn them. If his sense of entitlement was any more inflated, he’d be getting called up to the big leagues.
The Hoop Doctors dug up this video of Donovann Toatley. He’s 8 now, but supposedly this video was made when little Donny was six years old. He’s pretty good at the ball handling end of things. But he can’t shoot, and he doesn’t have anyone to pass to, either. And he could probably use a couple friends and some help with his addition tables. But seriously, this kid will probably get his first BJ before he turns ten. That Dribbling Two Balls At Once thing moistens panties from coast to coast.
