Sadly, Lamar tapped out a long time ago.

A few months ago, we brought you news that Los Angeles Lakers sweet tooth Lamar Odom and his chupacabra wife Khloe Kardashian would be releasing their own designer fragrance for both men and women. And if you were holding your breath and praying for its release, well wait no longer – “Unbreakable” has arrived. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, Perfumania will be fully stocked with Khlomar’s new fragrance, which includes a variety of unique ingredients that come together to define this unisex scent of love:

It possesses a blend of Italian bergamot, sparkling clementine, Asian saffron, green apple, African geranium, sheer jasmine, lily of the valley, juicy red fruits, texas cedarwood, tonka bean, vanilla bean and dark chocolate. (Via Celebrity Mania)

I guessed a sweaty bag of Skittles and Pacific Ocean seaweed. Close enough.

Video for Unbreakable after the jump…

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That bombshell to the right is Candice Crawford, fiancé of Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and sister of Gossip Girls star Chace Crawford. I’m mentioning her because we glossed over her engagement to Romo last month and I felt bad about that. Romo, of course, had previously been romantically linked to Carrie Underwood (unfairly married to Ottawa Senators centre Mike Fisher) and Jessica Simpson, who is engaged to former NFL tight end Eric Johnson, who I once started on a fantasy squad because Antonio Gates was on a bye. But there’s not excitement among the pretty people, so that can mean only one thing…

Tabloids are reporting that Khloe Kardashian and her husband and Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom are expecting a baby. But according to the Skittles-loving Lamar, there’s no baby on the way. So someone go ahead and put the chains back on the gates of hell for a few more weeks…

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Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom and his pet wildebeast, Khloe Kardashian (not pictured because I respect and value our readers), are going to have yet another reality TV show. The unnamed project will be on E!, of course, because the programmers and project developers at E! hate us and want to destroy television. This will be the third Kardashian show on the network, with the first two being “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and “I’ll Bet These Chicks Are Hairy.”

Khlomar’s new show will be akin to “Nick and Jessica: Newlyweds”, because people seem to think that we should care that Lamar and Gigantor the Strong have a great chemistry and are fun when they’re around each other. It probably doesn’t have anything to do with the three sisters being complete attention whores with cameras on them 24/7. Honestly, I’d rather watch a show about Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima called “The Poor Girl’s Gone Blind.”

Tell us the sexy celebrity biznass, CNN Marquee Blog…

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It was 15 years ago yesterday that California’s judicial system first openly told the rest of the world: “If you’re a celebrity and you like to commit serious felonies then move here!” On October 3, 1995, Orenthal James “The Bus Driver” Simpson was found not guilty of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown-Simpson and her lover, Ronald Goldman. A very diligent and incorruptible defense team was able to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that O.J. had nothing to do with stabbing two people in a blind rage. And through that verdict, race relations in America were never better.

They say that the O.J. Simpson verdict is one of those events that you’ll always remember what you were doing when it happened, like the Kennedy assassination or Snooki getting punched. But I really don’t remember what I was doing on that day. It was 1995, so I was probably dry humping the girl who lived down the street. Or I was bribing the gas station guy to give me a case of St. Ide’s Special Brew for $100. Hooray for not understanding money as a teenager!

Reflections of the star of the Naked Gun trilogy and the only good thing to ever happen to the Buffalo Bills after the jump.

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The other day we discussed the wonder of marriage and how Los Angeles Lakers forward and Twizzlers fanatic Lamar Odom and his famous-because-her-sister-made-an-amateur-porn-with-Brandy’s-talentless-brother wife Khloe Kardashian were still crazier than ever for each other as they celebrated their first anniversary. Well get ready to feel your heart burst, because the truly sincere husband and wife have renewed their vows. I know, I think I felt some joy pee squirt out, too.

The whole ceremony was part of an elaborate and cunning ruse by Odom, who had Khloe’s friends pick her up – not literally, LOL – and blindfold her, not telling her where they were taking her and what for on her anniversary. Even the camera man from her scripted reality TV show kept the secret, I’m sure. And if all of that doesn’t scream romance enough, Khloe’s sisters, Kim and Khlewbacca, were in attendance, as was close friend of the family… Snooki. It really was like heaven on Earth.

Tell us that it was beautiful and magical so we can pretend like anyone but lonely women give a bean burrito fart about this stuff, USA Today:

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In news only Satan’s bookkeeper cares about, Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom and his wookie wife Khloe Kardashian celebrated their one-year anniversary yesterday, and I imagine it featured a hot tub full of gravy and the last remnants of an endangered species being swallowed whole. While Khloe didn’t reveal too many details, Odom apparently arranged a scavenger hunt for her, which is clearly just his devious way of making her do cardio.

Khloe being the romantic that she is, wrote on her blog to tell the world* how amazing her life is and how happy being married to Lamar has made her. I’m obviously not linking to her blog, and if that upsets you because you really wanted to go look at it then I am afraid that we’re going to have to ask you to leave.

Unhinge your jaw while I vomit all over my Mac Book, Hollywood Scoop:

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