Yesterday we shared with you the story of a Kontinental Hockey League defenseman who accidentally got his carotid artery slashed when he fell to the ice and someone tried to jump over his neck with blades on their feet. Today’s KHL clip (because the NHL is never coming back and we’ve got to talk about something) features a Dynamo Minsk goalie’s epic fail, and proves that KHL hockey beheadings can be figurative as well as literal.

From the YouTube description:

С вратарями случаются голы из средней зоны, но в этом эпизоде Денис Хлыстов даже не бросал по воротам

If you can’t read that, it says, “Goalie Kevin Lalande gives up a goal on a shot from the neutral zone that was barely a shot at all, and oh my God you guys, seriously, I could’ve waddled out there without skates or pads and stopped that shot”. I’m paraphrasing.

Puck Daddy has further analysis:

So, yeah … KHL goaltending. We don’t want to say it’s slightly inferior, but a quick FYI to any NHL players thinking about heading there during the lockout: Sergei Mozyakin is the League’s all-time goals leader with 109.

Personally, I’m looking forward to an entire season of wacky KHL news. I’ve already ordered my favorite team’s jersey! It’s a potato sack with the word HOCKY [sic] written across the front in blue ink pen. It represents every team.

That doesn't look good.

That image should be a pretty clear indication that the following video isn’t for the squeamish.

KHL defenseman Denis Sokolov had his carotid artery sliced open by the skate of former NHL player Jan Bulis during a game between the Yekaterinburg Automobilist and Traktor Chelyabinsk.

Reports from overseas indicate that Sokolov lost nearly a pint of blood when Bulis’s skate clipped him at the start of the final frame but the 37-year-old said he expects to be back for the Sept. 20 game against Khanty-Mansiysk.

First of all, “Automobilist” is my new favorite sports team name. I hope their mascot is just a guy in a mid-sized Sedan Second of all, holy shit, this guy got jumped over during a hockey game, caught a blade to the neck and lost almost a pint of blood. That’s insane. I would okay never losing a pint of blood for any reason, especially doing something for work, or something I’ve considered fun for most of my life.

It’s great that he’s coming back so quickly, and if he doesn’t have a flashback freakout every time he gets knocked to the ice from now until infinity, he’s a much braver man than me. Video is below. It’s not as bad looking as you might imagine, but it still involves a trail of blood leading to a big puddle, so viewer discretion is advised.

Read the rest of this entry »