Keyshawn Johnson, a watered-down version of Michael Irvin in every possible way, will be expanding his career beyond “analyzing” the NFL for ESPN when he stars in a newly greenlit reality show for A&E about his new career as… an interior design?  Whoa, I gotta ease up on the peyote.

Johnson may be known best for his play on the field, but now he’s putting a completely different set of skills to the test in “Keyshawn Johnson: Tackling Design.” Furniture, fabric and finishings used to be just a hobby, but with his football days behind him Johnson’s wide-receiving now has more to do with fitting furniture through the front door of a house. Will clients take this former pro-athlete seriously as an interior designer?

Let me take a stab at that one.  No.  No, they won’t.  His only business will be family members, people looking to get on television, and family members looking to get on television.  This is a truly, epically, horrifically terrible idea.  It’s not a reality show, it’s a shitty Disney comedy starring The Rock.

[Awful Announcing]

People who watched the NFL draft surely noticed that Keyshawn Johnson filled in as ESPN's token black wide receiver analyst, filling the annoying void left by Michael Irvin.  Yesterday, Johnson was released by the Panthers to make room for talented draft pick Dwayne Jarrett, who has the same body frame and skill set as Johnson.

…which makes Johnson's analysis of Jarrett's selection (sent to WL by studly Zach), in retrospect, so hilariously awkward.  In case you're counting, Johnson compares Jarrett to himself no fewer than four times.  This is like a businessman's wife getting excited about her husband's hot new secretary.  "She looks just like I did 12 years ago!  Seeing her all day will remind him of me!" 

And that's why I have Weekend Mommy.