He should’ve just gone for it, said “also you’re in last place” and done a bunch of crotch chops. (via OTB)

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During last night’s Red Sox/Angels game, Boston fans serenaded slugger Kevin Youkilis with a rendition of the Biz Markie classic “Just A Friend,” marking the coolest thing to happen at Fenway Park since that drunk field-runner got gored by security a few days ago. The joke here, of course, is that Youkilis’ last name begins with “you” and he has what the fans need, and also he is overweight and from the 80s. OH BABY YOUUUUUU.

No word on whether or not the third baseman made the music with his mouth.

This might be the thing baseball needs – live, fan-supplied entrance themes. I know I wouldn’t miss a chance to sing “Crazy Train” for Ryan Church, even if it meant Ryan Church was playing baseball again. Having to remember which Metallica song is for Casey Blake and which one is for Phil Hughes could lead to a sabermetric understanding of music. Just remember: Paul Konerko is a Harvester of Sorrow. Like you had to be reminded.

One of my personal tenets about sports is that if a guy ever gets worked up about how a guy looks, he needs to step away from the TV and start looking for online courses in interior design, hair design, or…you get the idea. Discussing an athlete’s looks, for guys, is pointless discourse (notice that I said nothing about women, who will spend the entire 3rd quarter of a game deconstructing Tom Brady’s ass and then scold anyone that watched beach volleyball during the Olympics). That said, Matt Taibbi put together a fun piece over at Men’s Journal about the value of ugly, and its history in American sport. Here’s Taibbi discussing Red Sox slugger Kevin Youkilis:

Then there’s Kevin Youkilis. Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit. At the plate he disgustingly gushes sweat by some means previously unknown to science in which the moisture travels upward along his body, racing in a cascade from his balls and armpits up his neck, over his head, and back down over the bill of his helmet to shower the plate.

That’s an odd bit of journo-porn, but it’s a solid read. Sam Cassell, Alex Ovechkin, and Robert Parrish all get their due. When asked for comment, Sam Cassell simply mumbled into the sky and ordered an intergalactic strike on the planet Earth.

Hey, did you hear?  The Red Sox and Yankees played each other this past weekend.  Naturally, ESPN barely covered it, but you can always tell when the teams meet because of the spike in Sox-Yanks fan assaults. 

Anyway, here's the video (finally) of Kevin Youkilis's unlikely triple that tied the game in Boston's 6-4 win on July 4th.  Not only can you enjoy the near-impossible image of a fly ball perched on the edge of the outfield fence for several moments, but you can also drink in the joy of Johnny Damon getting injured while botching the catch.  It's the best 2-for-1 special you're gonna get outside of Spearmint Rhino before 10 p.m.  Speaking of 2-for-1s…

Watch as Aaron Rowland displays his skills from the opposite spectrum of amazing outfield plays.

Say what you will about the Red Sox, but a lot of the players on the team seem to have good senses of humor — or at the very least, they're extroverted meathead simpletons.  First baseman Kevin Youkilis is no exception.

Youkilis has teamed up with… MBSB Holdings, LLC to produce a new energy drink geared towards sports fans and athletes.  SlumpBuster, a term widely recognized by athletes and fans, will be launched in the 1st quarter of ’08 with hopes of being the official energy drink of locker rooms and stadium concession stands worldwide.

…Youkilis will serve as lead spokesperson for the product. In addition, MBSB is currently working with Youk in developing “Youk’s Signature” SlumpBuster. The special edition can will be rolled out in the Northeast and Midwest, with a portion of the proceeds from “Youk’s Signature” being donated to Kevin Youkilis Hits for Kids, Kevin’s charity.

Get involved and be the first in your area to “Take Down a SlumpBuster”.

Fuck a fat chick for the children.  Great message.  It's two acts of charity for the price of one.

[Red Sox Monster]