By all accounts, Jose Canseco is a delusional maniac, unfolding mentally in front of more than 400,000 followers on Twitter. But damn it if he’s not entertaining as hell. So it’s only natural that the guy who spends his time telling us to “stop hateing and start loving” or asking for lawyers to help him get his chandeliers back would take a huge step forward in his career and participate in “Celebrity Fight Night.”

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert, but apparently there is a group of people who consider themselves celebrities and they travel the country making promotional appearances under the guise of the Celebrity Boxing Foundation at bars and night clubs, where they fight each other. And these fights all lead up to the main event, a pay-per-view sh*t show that opens the gates of hell just a little bit wider.

To be somewhat fair and positive, some of the proceeds will go to the Muhammad Ali Parkinson Center, so that’s good. In fact, here is Celebrity Fight Night’s honest-to-God press description:

Celebrity Fight Night is one of the nation’s most elite, star-studded charity events that uses the mediums of live auctions, musical performances and appearances by special celebrity guests to raise funds for the famous boxer’s foundation.

I assume that these famous-in-their-own-mind pseudo-celebs will receive some sort of appearance fee, and whoever is behind this whole thing will probably have some “other fees” to handle. Either way, I’m sure that this prestigious event will raise hundreds – nay, thousands! – of dollars for a fantastic, honorable charity that will probably ask them to leave in an envelope under the doormat.

Let’s take a look at the matchups, shall we?

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From my celebrity-obsessed brother blog What Would Tyler Durden Do?, I bring you John Cena kicking the King of Douchebaggery's ass. Some people say that pro wrestling shouldn't be a sport because it's fake, but you watch K-Fed getting his ass slammed into the ground and writhing around in pain, and then tell me that your brain doesn't convince you that this is very real.

This is so awesome that I don't care that the announcers call John Cena a Marine. Last I checked, you had to actually go through boot camp and serve your country to earn the title "Marine," but apparently all you have to do now is star in an action movie and wear a special ops t-shirt. Oh well, at least I did it the old-fashioned way.

Although if I could swing it, I'd probably trade my Eagle, Globe, & Anchor to Cena for the opportunity to body slam K-Fed. Well, as long as I got to boot-stomp his babymaker afterwards. I owe my country that much.