Oklahoma City Thunder star Kevin Durant has reportedly pledged $1 million to tornado relief through his family foundation. I think that’s pretty awesome.
Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp is also donating $1,000 for every home run he hits between now and the All-Star Break. I think that’s pretty awesome, too.
More people be awesome, please.
With the first round of the NBA playoffs underway, Kevin Durant is on the cover of the latest issue of Sports Illustrated and he is upset about something. I can’t quite put my finger on what he’s getting at, but maybe you can decipher it from this very vague quote that accompanies his image:
“I’ve been second my whole life. I was the second-best player in high school. I was the second pick in the draft. I’ve been second in the MVP voting three times. I came in second in the Finals. I’m tired of being second…. I’m done with it.”
I’ll tell you the first thing that I noticed – this is a fella that loves to say, “I”. “I” this and “I” that. Last time I checked, an entire team finished second in last year’s NBA Finals, Kev. Otherwise, I like this cover a lot. I like the emotion and the intensity. I like the message.
So I was thinking we could make this a theme and give Kevin the cover every few weeks with a different message about something that’s bothering him. Call it therapy. In fact, I even made a few that he can use.
Because we know our readers, I’m posting some last second Valentine’s Day ideas for our bros so they don’t end up getting dumped by their stripper girlfriends and catfish today. For starters, take your babe to Hooters for that awesome deal above, because nothing says, “I love you, girl” like staring at a college girl’s fake breasts while pretending to care about your girlfriend’s smelly co-worker with the “hips that couldn’t fit through the St. Louis Arch”.
Additionally, you can read her one of these beautiful love poems that me and some much more notable comedians wrote. However, if you choose to combine these two ideas, not even a condom wrapped in a diaphragm can stop all of the babies that you’re going to make tonight. So tread lightly.
Oh boy, you guys. It’s about to get super dusty up in here.
Kevin Durant further proved that he’s one of the greatest guys on the planet – seriously, he can bounce a ball of a woman’s face and she’ll just laugh – when he joined in the Twitter hashtag campaign #DressNathanOut that some students at Owasso High School in Oklahoma started to get some attention for the their basketball team’s manager, Nathan Mitcham. A special needs student, Mitcham also gained fans in Toby Keith, Carrie Underwood and Johnny Manziel, who all Tweeted the hashtag to help get Mitcham in this past Tuesday’s game against Sand Springs High School.
Based on the outpouring of support and the amazing stories in the aftermath, I don’t think that Mitcham’s playing time was ever in question, but he nevertheless received his coach’s permission to play, and he took the court for the final 3 minutes in Owasso’s 20-point victory that night. And not only did he close out the game, but he also scored 8 points as 2,000 people in a 1,400-capacity arena cheered him on.
God, I love sports so much sometimes.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the return of the Wednesday Dunk Battle, the Internet’s only democratic, scientific determination of slam dunk effectiveness in relation to its peers!
If you’ve never participated in a Wednesday Dunk Battle, now’s the time to start. All you have to do is watch four slam dunk videos (the best kind of videos, fact) and decide which dunk is the most slam-dunkingest in the included poll. The winner will receive two prizes: (1) great admiration from the readership of a comedy sports blog, (2) a continued life of being a millionaire.
This week’s dunks are:
1. Kevin Durant dunking on the Los Angeles Clippers so hard their families felt it
2. Last Thursday’s LeBron James effort that made Kobe Bryant’s face do this emoticon – :O
3. Damian Lillard turning Nene from the Washington Wizards into Nene from the Real Housewives
4. Alonzo Gee making Kevin Garnett something something Honey Nut Cheerios
Please watch each clip carefully, then vote!
If I had to rank professional sports fans in terms of craziness, I wouldn’t even think twice:
1) NBA fans
2) Everyone else
While NFL fans are certainly insane in their own rights and passionate about their teams, NBA fans have multiple layers of crazy that can be peeled back to reveal a molten core of manic lunacy that is the universe’s greatest natural source of irrational behavior. I think this is because the NBA, unlike the NFL and MLB, is a star-centric league, in that fans focus on the best players above the actual teams. People love LeBron James no matter what team he plays for, and they’ll go absolutely apesh*t if you try to tell them that’s wrong.
Additionally, the NBA has more frontrunner fans than the other pro sports leagues because the same teams always win. When those teams don’t win, those fans get even crazier, because they’re supposed to always win. But when they do win, these NBA fans become even crazier because they don’t understand how anyone can possibly hate their Lakers or Heat. How can you hate them? You have no reason. You’re just a hater. YOU’RE A HATER, DAMN IT!
Well, good news, you crazy ass fans. You can now anonymously submit your craziest thoughts and questions to “NBA Confessions” so you don’t have to deal with us haters and sane people who just don’t get you and your undying love for Kobe Bryant. Much like the Tim Tebow Confessions site that we’ve previously examined, the submissions are a delightful blend of standard inquiries and batsh*t insanity.
As always, I’ve included some of my favorites after the jump.
