Creepy floating heads edition.

When I’m wrong, I’m the first to admit that I was wrong. And boy did the NBA’s defending champs make me look like a fool. Last week, I predicted that no team would be swept from the NBA Playoffs last week, and to make matters worse, I boasted that it was a sucker’s prediction because only one team had the possibility of sweeping its opponent through Saturday, and that was the Oklahoma City Thunder. But I thought for sure that Dirk Nowitzki and Co. would show some scrap and claw back for one win. Wrong.

Oh well, I never said that the prediction machine was a perfect beast, but it’s close to perfect, because I was right about everything else, including the winner of the Kentucky Derby*. And that builds enough confidence for me to move forward with another round of brilliant sports predictions.

*I did not pick the winner of the Kentucky Derby in last week’s post, but I was totally like, “Oh yeah, bros, I pick I’ll Have Another.”

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Links

My Two Days With Glee - We’re going to try to make Progressive Boink a thing again, I think. Check out Bill’s latest article, a rundown of Glee that will help you explain to your friends why you hate Glee, but haven’t been able to articulate it. [Progressive Boink]

Miami Marlins New Logo: Really Bad, But Not The Worst Possible - I think the “Home Improvement” logo idea is the best, and would buy a Miami Marlins: The Complete Baseball Season hat the minute they were stitched together. [SBN]

Kenyon Martin Reportedly Signs Richest Contract In Chinese Basketball’s History - I hope this isn’t followed by the story “Kenyon Martin Reportedly Has Second Baby, Doesn’t Know Which One To Choose”. Culturally-insensitive jokes about China, everybody! [Smoking Section]

The 8 Best Movie Baseballs - Everyone’s Hero or it didn’t happen. Come on, that movie features a boy named “Yankee”. [Moviefone]

Kendra Wilkinson Says The Secret To Good Marriage Is Having Sex In Different Locations - Totally agree. The secret to good marriage for me is going to be having sex with Kendra Wilkinson in different locations. [FARK]

The Ten Greatest ‘Simpsons’ Characters Who Appear in Only One Episode - If this list didn’t have so many qualifiers it could go on forever. Dinner Dog, for example. [Warming Glow]

Awesome People Hanging Out With Chevy Chase - This could be 50 pictures of him standing next to Alison Brie and I’d click through it. Actually, I’d click though that one first. Can somebody make that one? [UPROXX]

After 30 Years Of Making Music, R.E.M. Is No More - I like to think that one guy with glasses woke up last week and went “oh christ, I’ve been in REM for THIRTY YEARS” and just jumped through his closed window. [UPROXX]

James Cameron Bringing Cat-Monkey Pterodactyl Rape to Disney World - He’s probably just redoing the Tarzan treehouse, guys. The only place you get raped at Disney is in the line for Roger Rabbit. [Film Drunk]

‘Arrested Development’ Cast to Reunite - If there’s no news about the movie announced here, I’m never caring about an Arrested Development reunion again. Don’t Twilight Princess this thing, people. [Warming Glow]

The Last Words Of 25 Famous Dead Writers - Pretty sad that mine are going to be “hey guys”. [Buzzfeed]

Some of you have been emailing me about this Dirk Nowitzki custody story, to which I have made the Mancini Metaphorical Wanking Motion. Sure, an NBA player filing papers to actually care for his kid has a great dog-bites-man man-bites-man man-bites-dog feel to it, but I just don’t care.

But video Kenyon Martin cussing out Mark Cuban? Yes, please. And maybe it’s just me, but I always thought “fa66ot motherfcuker” had six syllables in it, not three. Obviously Mark Cuban ran back to his office to Google “Fay mofo,” which is either a new baseball blog or some obscure episode of “30 Rock.” Whatever, dude.