Fewer things were easier to make fun of during the NCAA Tournament than Kentucky Wildcats center Anthony Davis and his incredible unibrow. But while it may seem mean to pick on a kid and his extra misplaced facial hair, it’s important to remember that in just over a month he’ll be a millionaire, as if he wasn’t already better than the people making fun of him. For instance, I suck at basketball but do not have a unibrow, and that does not make us even.

Comedian Joe Mande, though, is not done pointing out the hilarity of Davis’ unibrow, as he recently whipped up some photoshops of the next Tim Duncan as Frida Kahlo paintings. If you’re unfamiliar, Kahlo is the artist who was portrayed by Salma Hayek in the film Frida.

Between Davis and Hayek, I’d say we’ve become quite the proponents of unibrows today.

There was a point in the second half of last night’s NCAA men’s basketball championship game that I found myself wondering, “Hey self, is this game on track to become what most people on the Twitters will call one of the worst national championship games in recent history?” Thankfully, the Kansas Jayhawks made one of their trademark late runs to chop a 16-point Kentucky Wildcats lead down to 5, making it a slightly above average title game.

And that’s about all there is to it, because terrible ball-handling by the Jayhawks in the last three minutes allowed the Wildcats to win their first title since 1998 and the 8th in program history, according to the really lame “GR8NESS” thing all the fans were doing. But congrats to Kentucky fans, unless they keep setting their cities on fire, in which case you guys are setting a poor example for the students of schools with terrible basketball programs.

As for the star of this game, UK’s Anthony Davis, he probably had the most amazing 6-point effort we’ll ever hear about, because his 16 rebounds and 6 blocks show just how amazing he might possibly one day be, depending on whether he stays at Kentucky or becomes the guy that Michael Jordan passes on as the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft.

“Well, it’s not me, it’s these guys behind me,” Davis said after his 1-for-10 performance. “They led us this whole tournament. This whole game I was struggling offensively, and I told my team, every time down, you all score the ball; I’m just gonna defend and rebound.”

“I love the fact AD goes 1 for 10, and you all say he was biggest factor of game,” Calipari said. “He was 1 for 10. I asked these guys what they would do without scoring. You have an idea what he does.” (Via CBS Sports)

Meanwhile, the most remarkable statistic not involving Davis was bench scoring. The Wildcats outscored the Jayhawks 5-0 off the bench. That’s it. And that was all from Darius Miller. Three guys came off the bench for each team. One guy managed to score 5 points. Hell, I guess that’s why everyone is so high on Davis – he outscored both teams’ benches. Perspective, friends.

So in case you missed it, here’s everything you need to know about last night’s title game in convenient picture form.

(GIF via, images via Getty and the AP.)

UPDATE: Inexcusable omission time. What the hell was this? I know it was supposed to be a tribute to Marvin Gaye or something, but seriously – WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS?

The guys behind them had “GET IT? GR8NESS? BECAUSE WE’RE PLAYING FOR OUR 8TH NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!” written across their chests.

Sorry Kansas fans, but you missed the chest painting memo. Not cool.

Wait, nevermind. Signs are cool, Kansas fans. As you were.

Oh hey, it’s GR8NESS again. Also, what’s up, blonde girl?

I gotta think that with being around cars so much, Dario Franchitti has gotta be familiar with the phrase “trade it in”.

“Ladies and gentlemen, your Charlotte Bobcats!”

Okay, here’s all you really need to know… Doron Lamb was the real star with 22 points for the Wildcats.

And Marquis Teague had a solid game with 14 points.

Anthony Davis got poked in the eye early on, but this made me imagine him wearing a monocle and the mental imagery is spectacular.

But as stated previously, Davis was awesome when it mattered, as expected. So make fun of the unibrow all you want – he’s still a badass.

This was probably the definitive moment of the game for me. The careless turnover in the second half, with less than 3 minutes remaining and the Jayhawks on a 13-3 run. A basket would have made it a one shot game. Instead… *fart noise*.

John Calipari was praised for “playing it cool” and being “laid back” prior to the championship game, but we all know he was thinking: “F*CK YOU, BOB KNIGHT. F*CK YOU SO HARD.”

And the rest was quick, mostly easy history. Congrats, Wildcats.

Well, friends, here we are. As the R&B quartet Boys II Men once crooned, “It’s the end of the road, and I something something something” and for the NCAA Tournament, we have indeed reached the end of the road with tonight’s championship game between the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats and the No. 2 Kansas Jayhawks. Of course, these are the two teams that I picked to be in this title game since the beginning of the season, but I’m not here to brag.

I’ll be back at it for one last chat-stravaganza for tonight’s game, and unlike during Saturday’s action, I will have Internet access. Serious question – do the people who run Las Vegas intentionally want people to have no cell phone coverage? It was incredible how rarely I couldn’t find a signal to even Tweet about the random douchery that I witnessed and may have even possibly participated in.

But mainly, I wanted to convey the insanity of a Vegas sports book during one of the biggest days of the sports year, and it was pretty much what I expected – a bunch of old dudes and degenerates pouting and checking their senses of humor at the door. I dare any of you to go to a sports book in Vegas tonight and make jokes about Anthony Davis’ unibrow. You’ll get a handful of grunts and a few death stares, if they’re in a good mood.

As for the actual game itself – AKA the reason we’re all here – let’s break it down…

The Skinny: You can’t write a much better script than this, with two NCAA men’s basketball heavyweights facing off in a rematch of their second game of the season. Kentucky won that game by a dime – a little gamble speak I picked up from the psychos – and it was a standard display of just how good Anthony Davis is and how awesome he will probably be at the pro level, with his 14 points and 7 blocks. If I’m a Charlotte Bobcats fan that hasn’t hung myself yet, I’m awfully excited about the potential of being so terrible.

What you need to know about Anthony Davis Kentucky: The Wildcats obviously have the better offense. And Davis may be young and auditioning for the lead role in Freida 2: Brow Down, but he’s proven time and again that he’s nearly impossible to stop. I think it’s spectacular that right as Tim Duncan’s career is winding down, we’ve been treated to his clone.

What you need to know about Kansas: As I’ve said throughout the entire tournament, I think that Kansas is the most well-balanced team in college hoops. The Jayhawks obviously play much better defense, and a lot of people think that defense wins championships. I am trying my hardest to not completely sploosh over Davis, but Kansas is going to have to play incredible defense tonight.

Who should win: Kansas. I just think they’re built better.

Who will win: Kentucky. John Calipari will have himself a national championship tonight, Bob Knight’s head will later explode on national TV, and grumpy writers and fans will pound their ham fists on their desks because they like to accuse Calipari of being a cheat, because it’s fun to hate the successful guy. Trust me, I know.

Stick around and chat tonight, as I’ve got plenty more shirts to give away, and you’re not doing anything else.

You can barely notice the photoshopping.

I can’t believe the Final Four is already here. It seems like just yesterday I was telling my friends how Missouri was the most complete team and if the Tigers could get past Michigan State, then the championship was as good as theirs. That’s because that was yesterday, and I haven’t stopped bitching about how this stupid NCAA Tournament didn’t start properly and they should have started it over the moment that Norfolk State screwed everything up. Damn it, if I could re-start Contra because I didn’t enter the cheat code in time, then I should be able to demand that 600 student athletes postpone their studies for one more week for the sake of my mild gambling habits.

But that’s the power of the tourney, friends. Very little has made sense thus far, except that the Kentucky Wildcats are as unstoppable as everyone but Ashley Judd and a few hundred moonshine distributors want them to be. That’s not to say that this Final Four lacks excitement, though. Quite the opposite. Sure, I may only have one team left and I’m in dead last, but my viewing enjoyment shall be taken care of. More importantly, we’re all in for some excitement, which is why I’m back once again to display my incredible expert knowledge.

How much of an expert am I? Check my bracket for yourself.

BOOM! That’s still 10 times better than anything CBS analyst Seth Davis has turned in. That guy has never picked anything right, so even guessing one game correctly means I’m smarter. And since the Sweet 16 began, I’m 100% with my picks. Sure, you can go back and look at my picks in my previous Dummy’s Guides and say, “Hey Burnsy, you’re not 100%” but you’ll be lying. You’re lying to me, our readers and yourself.

Stop it.

Now, I’ve become so committed to this year’s tourney action that as I write this, I am sitting at a sports book in Las Vegas. Which one? I’m not sure, because I wrote this before I flew out to Vegas, but still. Use your imagination.

Feel free to stop in and comment and expunge your own knowledge on Saturday’s Final Four action. I’ll be checking in from Vegas to report on the true gambling addicts in their natural habitat, hopefully with pictures (and reward people with free shirts). In the meantime, let’s breakdown some teams.

(Images via Reuters and Getty.)

Welcome back, everyone. I hope you enjoyed last night’s first installment of the NCAA Tournament Sweet 16 and our Dummy’s Guide to sounding somewhat intelligent in the company of people who watch more college basketball than you. I went 2-for-4 with my picks from last night, as Syracuse and Florida won their games and Cincinnati and Michigan State really took massive horse dumps in their respective matchups. But I also technically rode the fence on each game enough that I can say I was 4-for-4.

What can I say, I’m an expert.

We’re back at it tonight, and I know it’s a Friday and all, but I’ll still be live chatting the action up from the handy dandy portable intelligent telephone. I’ll be at the Orlando Magic game, per the usual, which will make it all more fun. Make your predictions, quips and witticisms in the comments and there will be free t-shirts and possibly other surprises to be given out.

Admit it, you’re excited.

(Images via Getty.)

Fun fact: Baylor players sniff their uniforms to get high.

Time: 7:15 p.m.
Channel: CBS

What you need to know about Xavier: That Xavier University is located in Cincinnati. Seriously, one of my favorite bar games in the world is “Guess Where This School Is” because people never know where schools like Xavier, St. Joe’s and St. Mary’s are located. Give it a try when you’re among friends later and see how many people you can stump for free drinks. But, as always, gamble for drinks responsibly.

Oh, and the Musketeers were 23-12 (10-6) this season, good enough for third in the Atlantic 10. They’re pretty inconsistent, having lost several games they had no business losing earlier in the season.

What you need to know about Baylor: That their uniforms are made from the blood of tiny, endangered neon fish at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Brutal color scheme, guys.

At 29-7 (12-6) Baylor finished third in the Big 12 behind Tourney 2-seeds Kansas and Missouri. Here’s a fun fact: I picked Mizzou to win it all. Just feel like pointing out my complete lack of expertise yet again. Baylor won 17 consecutive games to begin the season, before eventually losing back-to-back games against Kansas and Missouri. In fact, the Bears were 1-5 this season against Kansas and Mizzou. That means nothing tonight.

Players to watch: For Baylor, the go-to guys are Pierre Jackson and Perry Jones, but I think 3-pt. specialist Brady Heslip is going to play a big role tonight. For Xavier, everything depends on Tu Holloway, which means the pressure is on Mark Lyons and Dezmine Wells to hit their shots and open up the perimeter for Holloway.

Who should win: Baylor. Xavier’s three aforementioned shooters are going to need to be lights out tonight.

Who will win: Baylor. They’re just better.

"TOOT TOOT!"

Time: 7:47 p.m.
Channel: TBS

What you need to know about Ohio: The Bobcats had the best overall record in the MAC this season at 29-7, but they were 11-5 in conference play, which was good enough for third place. That means nothing, though, because they beat Akron in one hell of a MAC Championship game, and they’ve dispatched a good enough Michigan team and the incredibly feisty USF Bulls to get to this point.

Still, do they have the gas to get through this one? Gonna take a miracle.

What you need to know about UNC: That they’re pretty ridiculously good. Seriously, that’s all you need to know. If someone asks you what you think about UNC, just say, “They’re athletic” or “They’re complete”. Either way, you’re right.

But will Kendall Marshall miss this game and mess all of that up? DRAMA!

Players to watch: For Ohio, it’s D.J. Cooper who shoots threes like his heart will stop if he steps into the paint. But Ohio’s forwards – Walter Offutt and Reggie Keely – are going to need to get involved. For UNC, a lot will depend on Marshall, but Roy Williams said the guard can’t even brush his teeth. That means the pressure will be on Stillman White and Justin Watts to replace him. Oh, and Harrison Barnes, who is pretty damn good.

Who should win: UNC. Marshall or not, the Tar Heels are just that much better.

Who will win: UNC. Sorry Ohio, it’s been fun and all, but you know… miracles.

"What am I even paying you for?"

Time: 9:45 p.m.
Channel: CBS

What you need to know about Indiana: The pressure is on the Hoosiers to rep the Big Ten, with Wisconsin and Michigan State getting dropped last night. Otherwise, it’s just Ohio State left and nobody wants that.

What you need to know about Kentucky: That they’re really good. Like super good. And that’s why we hate John Calipari, because he’s always putting together these fantastic teams through his ability to recognize quality talent and convince these players that their education is the most important thing and selling them on his abilities as a coach.

Hey, who keeps making those fart noises?

Players to watch: For Indiana, the stars tonight will need to be shooters Christian Watford and Jordan Hulls, who will need to open up room down low for Cody Zeller. For Kentucky, it’s all Anthony Davis. He’s a talented young man.

Who should win: Kentucky. They’re too good.

Who will win: Indiana. It has to happen. For the good of humanity. And also, because Bob Knight’s reaction will be priceless.

"Daaaaaaaad, you're embarrassing me again."

Time: 10:17 p.m.
Channel: TBS

What you need to know about NC State: That the Wolfpack is a bloodthirsty team hellbent on colliding with UNC once more to avenge the 69-67 loss that booted NC State from the ACC Tournament. And probably the two other losses that UNC handed them earlier in the season. Basically, NC State players are playing with a lot of hate in their hearts right now and that’s what makes them so awesome.

What you need to know about Kansas: The Jayhawks were better than Mizzou, clearly, despite that whole not winning the Big 12 Tournament. They’re also very well-balanced and have a lot of talent, which is why they were 16-2 in conference play this season. Kansas is a very smart team, and the Jayhawks probably won’t let NC State get by them.

Players to watch: For Kansas, it’s Thomas Robinson. He’s about as dominant as they come. For NC State, C.J. Leslie and Richard Howell are the guys who are going to have to try to contain Robinson.

Who should win: Kansas.

Who will win: Ehhhhhhhh, not sold on this one, but I’m picking Kansas. NC State is giving me that Florida Gators vibe, like they’re just getting hot when it matters.

For far too long, actress Ashley Judd has been the face of University of Kentucky men’s basketball fanfare, as the UK alum is often seen celebrating courtside or cheering with the student body during big games at Rupp Arena. But as nice as it is to see the younger and presumably adopted sister of Wynonna Judd get all the attention, it would still be refreshing to occasionally see some other fans share the spotlight for the Wildcats. Maybe like this girl or these girls. I’m not picky.

Despite being the clear favorites to win the SEC Tournament this weekend, the Wildcats sputtered and slipped, barely beating the Florida Gators 74-71 on Saturday and ultimately falling to the Vanderbilt Commodores 71-64. This result was clearly upsetting for a diehard UK fan like Judd, but in the aftermath of disappointment, the spotlight is finally moving.

After the jump, grab your Kleenex and open your heart to the new faces of Kentucky basketball.

Aw, don’t worry, gals. I’ve got Kentucky going all the way in my bracket pool, so when Anthony Davis and Co. win, let’s turn those frowns upside down. First round of Budweiser tallboys is on me.

(Banner via the AP, above image via Clay Travis and Outkick the Coverage)

In our continuing effort to share with you the best in sports-centric hip-hop, please enjoy the opening lines of “Niggas in Paris” from Jay-Z and Kanye West’s “Watch The Throne” collaboration. It is notable for two reasons: one, because it explicitly deals with New Jersey Nets minority owner Jay-Z’s visit to the Kentucky Wildcats lockeroom during the 2011 NCAA Tournament, a visit that violated NBA regulations and cost him 50-grand; two, because it is the best remake of a Joni Mitchell song ever.

Your lyrics of choice:

So I ball so hard motherf**kers want to fine me
First niggas got to find me
What’s 50 grand to a motherf**ker like me
Can you please remind me?

It seems weird that the NBA doesn’t have a mailing address for a guy who owns part of one of their teams, but there you go. In addition to “a bitch”, a $50,000 fine is not one of Jay-Z’s problems. Kanye backed up Jay by adding an “ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” to the last words at the ends of his sentences to fill up space, a move considered “genius” by everyone who heard it.

You can listen to the song below, if you’re one of those squares who doesn’t already have it. Please be advised that it contains harsh language and adult situations, and that every time they make me type “niggas” I’m pretending to type “guys”.

[h/t Tom Ziller]

Ohio State has had a fantastic first half of 2011, from the firing of Jim Tressel to the forfeiting of an entire, Sugar Bowl-winning 12-1 season. The second half of the year is all about penance and proving their sincere adherence to Ohio and its culture, so it should come as no surprise that the school is one of three to have signed a deal making them an official part of the LeBron James Brand™. The South Florida Sun-Sentinel first reported Saturday that Ohio State would join Kentucky and Miami as the first three teams to specifically represent LeBron lebranded Nike gear, which should end up looking a lot like Michael Jordan’s, only without any rings. As accessories, I mean. Miami makes sense, Kentucky makes sense because of John Calipari, and Ohio State makes sense because they have no f**king clue what they’re doing anymore.

Of course, OSU has been supporting LeBron and sporting a LeBron logo since before that was a hangable offense, and Ohio State wins a lot so they’re the one Ohio-area sports team LeBron didn’t completely insult and abandon. And yeah, you can leave me a comment to tell me I’m a “hater” or whatever, but I don’t care about the Cavs or The Decision, I’m still pissed about him wearing a Yankees hat to an Indians game.

Anyway, Cleveland is of course already writing newspaper editorials about how Ohio State is tone-deaf to the state’s dislike of this guy, but honestly is there anything more “Ohioan” right now than not being able to shut up about LeBron James? It’s right there next to Jojo potatoes and flammable bodies of water. Bill Livingston of The Plain Dealer is impassioned in his response to the announcement, but he’s missing one important point:

But THE Ohio State University? Are they kidding?

Actually, OSU basketball players have worn “L23″ insignia since 2007 on their uniforms. During much of that time, James was a Cavalier and a non-quitter.

I don’t know if Bill watched those years when LeBron lead the Cavaliers into the playoffs, but they didn’t exactly end with LeBron valiantly battling the flu and pulling out a victory in the clutch. LeBron is the same guy, he’s just wearing a shirt we hate. If the LeBron Brand overtakes college sports, Cleveland isn’t going to have anyone to root for.

Man, I wish they had a baseball team.

[h/t The Dagger]

Oh wait, that’s a reference to The Wizard Of Oz and not Cinderella. But since 8-seed Butler is still in the tournament, I feel like we need a new theme. The “brick” analogy might be appropos, as VCU went cold from their field before falling to the Bulldogs, 70-62.

Virginia Commonwealth, one of the last teams awarded an at-large berth in this year’s NCAA tournament, came up just short of an unprecedented national title game appearance. The 12-seed Rams lost to Butler in the national semifinal Saturday, ending one of the more surprising runs in recent tournament history.

“Some of our shots didn’t fall. Open shots, shots we’d been making,” [point guard Joey] Rodriguez said. “I think if you go back and look at the tape, you’ll see some of them were in and outs. Almost felt like it wasn’t supposed to happen or something.”

–Y! Sports.

VCU would have been the first school to emerge from a play-in game to the national title; while Butler, the Indianapolis school with an enrollment of less than 4,000, finds itself back in the national title game after losing its best player from last year.

Butler will face UConn in the championship; the Huskies ran the table in the Big East tournament to secure an automatic bid in the field of 68. UConn held to Kentucky to 33 percent shooting but only edged out a 56-55 win.

Oh, and I guess Maya Moore is out of the women’s tournament, whoever that is.

KENTUCKY — The year is 2011 and the ‘Cats are raw; in the rearview mirror is the motherf**king law. He’s got two choices, y’all: pull over the car, or bounce on the devil and put the pedal to the floor. But rappist Jay-Z isn’t trying to see a highway chase, and he’s got a few dollars with which he can fight the case. So he pulls over to the side of the road and hears, “Son, do you know why I’m stopping you for?” Because he’s young and he’s black and his hat’s real low? Is he under arrest or should we guess some more?

An NBA spokesman confirms that the league is investigating Jay-Z’s presence in Kentucky’s locker room after the Wildcats clinched a Final Four berth.

The rapper visited the players after their victory over North Carolina on Sunday at the Prudential Center in Newark, N.J, home of the Nets. Jay-Z is a part-owner of the team and attended the Nets’ 120-116 loss at New York on Wednesday.

This would be an NBA rule violation, as the league prohibits team personnel from having contact with players who aren’t draft eligible. Spokesman Tim Frank told the Associated Press the league is looking into it.

In a statement released earlier today, Jay said that he’s “tried to ignore [it] and talk to the Lord, pray for them, ’cause some fools just love to perform [investigations].” He then began to laugh and gesture wildly, suggesting that producer Rick Rubin would be “crazy” when he hears about this.

[Associated Press]