I know what you’re thinking, “Great, more news from the Hoosier State.” But Indiana University was finally handed its punishment after this whole Kelvin Sampson debacle. Nine months after Sampson was forced to resign as men’s head basketball coach, Indiana accepted a punishment of three years’ probation from the NCAA, which acknowledged leniency based on the fact that their program is pretty much in shambles right now. From The Sporting News, via The Sporting Blog, via The Amazing Sport-nicolor Dreamcoat.

“It’s bittersweet,” said current Indiana coach Tom Crean, with the team in Hawaii. “We didn’t want to lose postseason, scholarships or television. Thank God we didn’t lose any of those so we can continue to move the program without the what-ifs.”

It’s the first time since 1960 that the school has been found guilty of a major infraction in any sport.

The probation comes in addition to sanctions IU already has imposed.

Only two players from last season’s team remain. The others were kicked off, transferred, graduated or left early for the NBA. The team has just nine scholarship players instead of the 13 allowed after giving up scholarships because of the NCAA investigation and poor academic scores.

Sampson himself will face NCAA recruiting restrictions through 2013, in the event he’s hired by another school. And if that school needs an amateur gynocologist to serve their female student body, they can call me anytime after 10 pm. I keep funny business hours, you see.

Embattled basketball coach Kelvin Sampson accepted a $750K buyout from Indiana University yesterday to step down for violating recruiting restrictions.  Hoosier players had threatened to boycott if their beloved coach was ousted: 

It appeared nearly half the team was prepared to sit out Saturday’s game in protest after White, guards Armon Bassett, Jordan Crawford and Jamarcus Ellis, and forwards DeAndre Thomas and Brandon McGee skipped [interim coach Dan] Dakich’s first practice Friday afternoon. But sports information director J.D. Campbell said all the players attended Friday night’s walkthrough, and Saturday morning they left together for Northwestern.

Too bad for Northwestern basketball fans who were looking for the Wildcats to get their first Big Ten win this year. I can hear you laughing – "Good one KD, like there are Northwestern hoops fans" – well, see the Chief's weekend predictions below. Anyway, some anonymous donor coughed up $550K of the cash, so IU could buyout Sampson. I wonder if any of KFC's regular patrons would offer me cash to leave if I revealed my frequent cross-contamination violations. -KD  

I'm never going to even try to understand NCAA recruiting rules and violations, but apparently Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson — who has steered the Hoosiers to a 20-3 record and a #13 ranking in the AP poll — got hit with a laundry list of fuckups from NCAA investigators.  You can read the whole story here, but as I understand it, here's what went down: Sampson, already sanctioned for violations while he was at Oklahoma, called kids he wasn't allowed to call.  And some of his assistants made illegal calls.  And he lied to investigators.  And then some more stuff about illegal phone calls.

And now for a carefully worded statement from university officials that prefaces Sampson's demise:

"We are extremely disappointed in these new allegations regarding coach Sampson," [athletic director Rick] Greenspan said in a statement. "To say the least, we view these allegations with grave concern."

Golly, how do college basketball fans ever recover from the scandal of their coach making too many phone calls?  There's no way the university can afford all those daytime minutes!  I myself am shaken to the very core.  Little known fact: my core is delicious nougat.