The marketing gurus at Pepsi have teamed up with the NFL to create 5 new NFL team anthems by pairing franchises with their biggest pop star fans, and Dallas Cowboys fans are first up with Kelly Clarkson’s new single, “Get Up”. The Texas native and American Idol winner is famously a fan of America’s Former Team, and that must be comforting for her fellow Cowboys fans as they watched their team herp and derp to a 3-0 preseason loss win to the Oakland Raiders last night.

But preseason jitters aside, Clarkson is excited about her team’s chances this season, so she wants you to picture one thing and one thing only when you listen to her new jam – her mother giving birth.

“When you’re born in Fort Worth, you come out of the womb loving the Cowboys,” she says. “In Texas, people love football more than anything. Once they find out about this, I’ll be golden.” (Via USA Today)

And don’t worry, folks, Clarkson didn’t want this to be a friendly little PR stunt. She also wanted to do her part in crapping all over the team’s rivals.

The team is simply iconic, she says. “People overseas know the Dallas Cowboys. They don’t know the Denver Broncos or the Philadelphia Eagles. The Dallas cheerleaders are more famous than some of the NFL teams. I know I sound biased.”

I really wish she said the New York Giants instead of the Denver Broncos, because then ESPN could devote hours of coverage to analyzing what the star of From Justin to Kelly means when she says the Eagles aren’t known overseas. “With more on this developing story, we take you to Ron Jaworski having a stroke,” an anchor would say while I made fart noises with my hands.

Clarkson’s Cowboys anthem is joined by Tavie McCoy’s “All In” anthem for the New York Giants, as well as yet-to-be-announced instant classics by Kid Rock (Detroit Lions) and Ice Cube (Oakland Raiders). Also, Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow” will be remixed, because someone got lazy toward the end of planning this.

After the jump, check out Clarkson’s “Get Up”.

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As I mentioned earlier in my Peabody Award nominee post about Princess the Prognostic Camel, I’m not much of a gambler. That doesn’t stop people from asking me for advice, though, because when you tell people that you’re a sports blogger, you should probably include that you’re a dick joke maker and not an expert, otherwise people will assume you know things.

But aside from bar squares and fantasy football, there is one specific type of gambling that I’m a sucker for – Super Bowl prop bets. And this year there are some awesomely stupid bets to be made, from Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem prowess to Madonna’s Skeletor arms. Side note: Madonna, LMFAO and Cee Lo are set to perform updated variations of Madonna’s old hits. She’s like the George Lucas of music. Madonna might as well make Cee Lo dress like Jar Jar Binks.

Where was I? Yes, prop bets. They’re typically for the most degenerate gamblers, as people who feel the need to bet on every little thing – including the coin flip, the color of Gatorade dumped on the winning coach and how many yards Hakeem Nicks’ first catch will be – for the sake of getting their rush and/or making up for all the money they lost during the regular season. Today, though, I’m making prop bets into something for the average person.

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Why, they have all attended the NBA Finals, of course! Originally, this post was titled, “Hey, Did Kelly Clarkson Get Hot Again?” but then I saw a story in the Dallas Voice about the Westboro Baptist protesting the NBA Finals in Dallas because the NBA had the nerve to fine Kobe Bryant and Joakim Noah for using “f*ggot” as an insult in two different games this season, and I wanted to point out that the WBC seriously sucks.

From the WBC’s batsh*t crazy ramblings press release:

WBC will picket the NBA game between the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat to warn this nation that they need to tear down their idols and worship only the true God, Jesus Christ. The people of Doomed america set up these spoiled, rebellious basketball players and other celebrities as little gods that they emulate then curse the real God, Jesus Christ because He does not supprt their vile sins.

Of course I didn’t edit that for them, they’ll learn to spell when they get to the third grade. I’m mostly upset that their presence briefly took my attention away from the lack of star power at this year’s Finals. Granted Justin Bieber and Lil Wayne pack some major celeb cred, but ABC hasn’t even been filling the stands with the cast of Rookie Blue. The least they could do is put Sofia Vergara and Julie Bowen courtside and maybe have them pudding wrestle Elisha Cuthbert. It’s called marketing, damn it.

Regardless, there have been a few famous faces in the crowd, so we should enjoy what we have.

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