Previous reasons to say f**k “Kellan Lutz” include:

1. His role as Emmett Cullen in Twilight
2. His role as Emmett Cullen in The Twilight Saga: New Moon
3. His role as Emmett Cullen in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
4. His role as Emmett Cullen in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Parts I, II, and IIb
5. His role as Indistinguishable Muscular Hunk on the least cared about show on television, other

That’s his entire filmography. Well, that and Lax Bros: The Movie. Anyway, you probably haven’t read this far, but that’s him in the above image standing beside Kate Upton and Kate Upton’s nipples. If you click it it gets bigger. The bigger image is courtesy of The Superficial and/or what I’m imagining in secret whenever Twilight is on.

As if a person who is not me Burnsy? you standing next to a braless Kate Upton isn’t enough, it gets worse: this is a candid taken during a commercial shoot for Kellan Lutz’s clothing line, Abbott +. No, I don’t know why Kellan Lutz has a clothing line. I don’t know why his clothing line has a plus sign in it, either. I would’ve called it “Clothez”.

Unfortunately, people snapping candids at Kellan Lutz commercial shoots are only concerned with Kellan Lutz, so all the photos are of him just sorta smiling in sunglasses while Kate stands around in the partial background. We will, of course, update with photos and video as it develops. If they made her change clothes, so help me God.

Additionally:

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Funny what you notice the first time you see a movie trailer. Hairlessly handsome white folk, narration that makes it sound like the first paragraph of a freshman essay … what’s impossible to know at first glance [dramatic pause] is everything else. Aaaand wipe!

Twilight’s Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene re-team in a story of young love and the true meaning of sportsmanship and life. Co-starring Chord Overstreet. Coming to select theaters and on Video On Demand December 2nd!

WWE Studio films have taught me that “coming to select theaters” is code for “Wal-Mart doesn’t sell direct-to-DVD movies so we’re releasing it in four theaters for a day”. I’m glad they’re doing it, too, because this movie has it all… Ashley Greene’s weird coke nose, Kellan Lutz not having armpit hair but being able to karate kick down a building, inaccurately played lacrosse … hell, it has everything you could hope for in a movie. Except a black person.

Wait, sorry, there are two black ladies in the crowd near the end. I didn’t notice them because my brain was recovering from “I know everyone faces hardship in life …it just seems like some people … are act’ally made SHRONGER by it”.