"Give a hand to my band, Sexual Chocolate..."

Through two weeks, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady leads the NFL in QB rating (128) and passing yards (940), and he is tied for passing touchdowns (7) and completions (66), while his Pats are 2-0 and looking as dominant on offense as they ever have. So it goes without saying that Dreamboat might spend his Tuesday kicking back and relaxing with his super model wife and their sometimes nude child, right?

Wrong. Brady spent his Tuesday kicking ass for charity as well. Not only did he spend the afternoon at Matt Light’s 7th Annual Celebrity Shootout in Rhode Island supporting the Light Foundation’s academic scholarships (of course Light said that Brady is one of the best shooters at his event), but Brady also made it back to Boston in time to attend the grand re-location event for Ermenegildo Zegna, a very high-end fashion store for those of who do our shopping at Goodwill.

But before we go poking fun at Brady and his Uggs-enabled fashion sense, know that he and the store’s owners are donating .10 of every dollar to the Boys & Girls Club of Boston. And of course there were kids on hand so Brady could tell them how they too could grow up to dump a gorgeous actress only to wed an iconic Victoria’s Secret Angel. Is it too soon to name him Man of the Decade or should we give Chad Henne another year?

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Following up a story from a few weeks ago, the residents of Fremont, Nebraska can finally breathe a heavy sigh of relief. They’re world record holders.

The Guinness Book of World Records has declared that the disgusting 1,652-pound pile of Spam on a giant piece of bread qualifies as the world’s largest open-faced sandwich, barely beating out Somalia’s dust on a cracker.

Mayor Scott Getzschman said his city recently received word that the 1,652-pound Spam sandwich – or “Spamwich” – created July 9 as part of the John C. Fremont Days celebration has been certified by the Guinness World Records.

“I’m excited for Fremont and I’m excited for Don Cunningham who organized the event,” Getzschman said. “It took quite a bit of planning.”

Getzschman said Cunningham and his wife, Nan, hand delivered the documentation for the sandwich to Guinness officials while on a vacation to London. The previous record holder was a 1,337-pound pork sandwich created by Moore’s Bar-B-Que in New Bern, N.C. (Via Omaha World Herald)

After London, Cunningham is also going to swing by Beirut to discuss the world’s largest dump that the town took after finishing the sandwich.

So is that the worst of the world record news for this week? You wish. Each week, I sort through this news out of my own personal fascination over what people will do for fame. And I fear I will never build immunity to the shock that each new week delivers. See for yourself after the jump.

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Back in December, I hit a point that I was spending more time on sports rumor web sites than I was on Facebook or Twitter, which is a considerable concern mind you, and it was all due to the Albert Pujols contract talks. And my obsessive behavior hit a low point when I actually shelled out American currency to pay for ESPN Insider. Of course I know that all of ESPN’s “rumors” are available everywhere else – and rarely correct – but I still needed to hear from Buster Olney that Albert’s best landing place was St. Louis, even if it meant reading Michael Wilbon’s latest efforts like, “I’m from Chicago, did you know this?” and “Every team should let the Cubs win”.

With that Insider subscription, of course, came ESPN the Magazine, or as I like to call it – Highlights for sports fans. Although the latest issue didn’t feature Goofus and Gallant teaching us about the NFL lockout, it was the “Style Report”, for which I went out and bought a Burberry scarf just to flip it in contempt. Actually, the issue has been on my bathroom floor for a week.

I won’t go into too much detail about my lack of desire to read about how I can spend $8,000 to dress like Steve Johnson and CJ Wilson, but I was rather tickled by a short feature about Tommy Hilfiger’s thoughts on how he would change the uniforms of pro sports’ most iconic teams – namely the L.A. Lakers, New York Yankees, Dallas Cowboys and Montreal Canadiens. Meanwhile, I still can’t convince Saran Wrap to redesign the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders’ uniforms.

If you haven’t already scoffed at the notion, take a look for yourself.

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