You know what f**king sucks? Wearing pants. Especially when you’re trying to golf.

If Johnson Wagner wants to wag his Johnson while he’s playing, who am I to stand in his way? That’s what the fine men and I’m assuming additional men over at Ashworth golf apparel think, and they’ve issued a “Pants Petition” asking the PGA to allow golfers the right to wear shorts. An actual petition. Golf pros Retief Goosen, Justin Rose, Sean O’Hair and Justin Leonard have thrown in to help the petition make a difference, because the only thing preventing a normal man from golf greatness is lower-leg coverage.

Sure, I can hear some of you now. “If we let golfers golf in shorts, what’s next? Golfing in their underwear? WHAT’S STOPPING SOMEONE FROM TRYING TO PLAY ON THE PGA TOUR WITH THEIR DOG??” You’re on the wrong side of history, folks. In 40 years when only the most regressive squares wear slacks on the links, you’re gonna look back and think “man, I should’ve signed that Internet petition.” I promise you will think that.

[h/t to Sportress]

Everything pictured is scaled equally.

They say the mark of a truly great sporting event is the ability to leave people talking about it after it’s over. Game 7 of the 2009-10 NBA Finals was one for the ages – the highest rated Finals game since the Bulls and Jazz in 1998 – and as the Lakers celebrate their victory and the rest of the league prepares for the biggest free agent courtship spending war in NBA history, people are indeed still talking about the Finals. And why? Because, girlfriend, I heard from my stylist who heard from her baby daddy who heard from his niece who heard from the guy at the Redbox that Vanessa Bryant ain’t having none of Khloe Kardashian. OH EM GEE!

Khloe, of course, is famous because her sister Kim had sex with Brandy’s brother, but since nobody knew who either of them were, they made a sex tape and acted shocked and violated when it was released. Somehow that justified giving Khloe a TV show with Kim and their other sister Kewbacca. Khloe, who is married to Lakers paycheck-receiver Lamar Odom, has been having a quiet feud with Kobe Bryant’s wife this season, and now their spat is going public. And don’t blame me because you don’t care about this, blame the women in your life. This is all their fault.

Give me something to read while I get a pedicure, In Touch Weekly:

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