Ochocinco and Terrell Owens got together at some point during the winter, shotgunned a marathon of ‘Necessary Roughness’ and decided they could get their shit together and have a Diva Wide Receiver Renaissance. T.O. showed up in Seattle to run the 40 in 4.45 and earn himself a one year, $1 million contract. Ochocinco showed up in Miami, legally changed his name back to Chad Johnson (because serious business) and focused on the finer points of his game, using the experience he’s earned from a decade in pro football to …

Wait, I’m sorry, what?

According to [Davie police captain Dale] Engle, Johnson and his wife, Evelyn Lozada, were driving to their home in Davie after dinner Saturday night when Lozada found a receipt for a box of condoms in the car, sparking an argument that got “heated.”

When they arrived at their home, the argument “escalated quite a bit,” Engle said, and Johnson and Lozada butted heads, giving Lozada a laceration on her forehead. Lozada told police that Johnson purposely head-butted her, while Johnson told police it was accidental. (via Palm Beach Post)

welp,

This is one of those situations where blogger analysis is useless, because Jesus, I’ve never found myself “accidentally headbutting” someone so hard it opens them up in an argument over condom receipts. Johnson was released from jail on $2,500 bond and Miami terminated his contract within the day.

You’d think the rest of the Dolphins would just throw up their hands, say “okay, fine, whatever” and move on with their lives, but we live in a world where everyone has an opinion, so someone’s inevitably got to have the “who cares if he rage-headbutted a lady, we’ve got football to play” one. Dolphins linebacker Karlos Dansby, everybody:

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The Miami Dolphins are 0-5. In no sport is that a good way to start a season, especially in the NFL, where teams don’t have the luxury of needlessly long seasons like the NBA and MLB. So it goes without saying that as the New England Patriots have once again established themselves as the standard in the AFC East, and the Buffalo Bills have proven that a franchise can climb out of a dumpster, Dolphins fans are pretty pissed off. Enter: The “Suck for Luck” faithful.

Very few people believe that Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck isn’t one of the most enticing arms in NFL draft history. By nearly every expert account, Luck is a sure fire NFL franchise QB – the next John Elway, Peyton Manning, and especially Dan Marino. That said, you’ll have to forgive Miami fans if they’re just a little intrigued by the idea of adding someone like that.

Too bad Karlos Dansby couldn’t give a damn, bro.

“It’s not right, bro. It’s not right,” Dansby said. “We put too much into this, man, to have the fans say that – period, point blank — or even promote that campaign. It’s kind of sad.”

“It pisses me off,” he said. “I don’t understand nothing about that. I put too many hours into this, man, put too many years into this, sacrificed too much to ask somebody to put that stipulation on me and my teammates. Because I know how much we put into this.”

“Man, we got 11 games. What are you talking about?” Dansby said. “We can’t look at next season. We’ve got 11 games. We can win ‘em out, and then what? Then you’d be biting your tongue. Those guys that are saying that are fair-weather fans. They’re not real Dolphins fans.”

(Via the Sun-Sentinel)

Win ‘em out? OK, if the Dolphins win their next 11 games, I will legally change my name to “Karlos Dansby’s Bitch.” Dolphins coach Tony Sparano also chimed in on the “campaign.”

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