Lana. LANA!

Sports On TV is in the Danger Zone.

Our look at the best sports moments from shows that aren’t necessarily about sports takes on FX’s ‘Archer’ this week, and if there’s a show the kids at UPROXX love more than ‘Archer,’ I’d like to see it. Inside, you’ll find one of the most clever, obscure, expertly-written shows on television. You’ll also find lacrosse jokes about rock bands from the 1990s, a guy trying to play baseball in space, Ultimate Bum Shock Fights (which are exactly what they sound like), Siamese fighting fish, and more.

So please click through and-or enjoy Sports On TV: ‘Archer’s’ 15 greatest sports moments.

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The very first show featured in our Sports On TV column was ‘Saved By The Bell,’ and with good reason. It’s one of those shows we’ve all seen whether we like it or not, and face it, you can’t spell “Internet” without ‘Saved By The Bell.’

Saved By The Bell’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments featured so many of the classics — Zack becoming an Indian to deal with track team stress, girls on the wrestling team, wheelchair basketball, Zack hitting a soon-to-be-dead-from-oil-spillage duck with a baseball — but it didn’t feature them all. It’s only fitting that the first part 2 entrant in Sports on TV history would be 15 MORE great sports moments from the show.

So, please click through to enjoy sports moments 21-35 from ‘Saved By The Bell.’ Warning: there is a lot of spooning-disguised-as-instruction gags in these entries. A LOT.

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Illinois State’s Jackie Carmichael goes up for a rebound and, because Karate YOLO, jump-kicked Wichita State’s Teleke Cotton in the chest. In response, Cotton used Eagle Claw to rip out Carmichael’s heart. That’s … not in the video.

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Links

Man On Internet Has Spent A LOT Of Time ‘Researching’ Porn |UPROXX|

A Seattle News Station Got Three People High And Gave Them A Driving Test, Because Of Journalism |Warming Glow|

Uproxx Video: “In Foley We Trust” |Film Drunk|

Stupid Ring Girl: The Prequel |With Leather|

Peter Dinklage May Bring His Robot Army To ‘X-Men: Days Of Future Past’ |Gamma Squad|

10 People Who Need To Be Punched In The Face |Smoking Section|

The NFL’s New Aptitude Test Revealed |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Welcome to the most 1990s thing that ever existed.

For anyone who doesn’t know, ‘Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ was a live-action television series about teenagers who come together to use recycled Japanese action show footage to sell toys to American kids. It first aired on Fox Kids in 1993 and is still on, jumping from Fox to ABC to Toon Disney to Nickelodeon, changing its name and cast as many times as it needed to remain fresh. The most recent incarnation is ‘Power Rangers Super Samurai,’ but they’ve been Turbo, Zeo, in Space, in a Lost Galaxy and affixed with everything from time travel to dinosaurs and something called ‘jungle fury’.

Today, Sports On TV tackles the show that brought the Power Rangers to the dance — the first three seasons of ‘Mighty Morphin’ — featuring the original cast (mostly), the original bad guys and all the horrible dubbed-in dialogue and grainy footage that made the franchise a 20-year success. Yeah, I can’t figure it out either.

For your morphenomenal pleasures, I present to you my picks for the 20 greatest sports moments in ‘Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ history.

As an added bonus, you can MAKE YOUR MONSTER GROWWWW and unlock the Rita Repulsa badge by sharing Sports On TV: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ 20 Greatest Sports Moments on Facebook and Twitter. All you have to do is click the handy-dandy share buttons at the bottom of the post, and the badge is yours. What better way to say “I know a lady who spent 10,000 years on the moon”?

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Fear the Tanner Twister.

After the success of our first Sports On TV column (Saved By The Bell’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments) I thought to myself, “How do I follow up?” The answer: find a show with more sports moments and fewer jokes.

Welcome to the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Full House’, the 1989 John Stamos vehicle about a group of friends banding together to save a family after the death of their mother that launched Bob Saget into ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’, Dave Coulier into ‘America’s Funniest People’, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen into a billion-dollar branding deal and Jodie Sweetin into People magazine covers with headlines like FROM METH ADDICT TO MOM. It was funny for a minute, then lasted 8 more years.

As I mentioned before, streaming episodes of ‘Full House’ are only legally available on Amazon Prime, so in lieu of videos I’ve provided the most appropriate images I could find. You can thank Alan of The Spotless Minds for those, and the wonderful Full House Reviewed for a few supplementary shots.

Now, read on and find out what Miller-Boyett Productions has to say about San Francisco Giants baseball, the Super Bowl, and everything else from rollerblading to bungee jumping. Sadly, Joey Gladstone wearing the same robe as WWE star Damien Sandow did not make the list. If you know of a moment we didn’t include, make sure to drop us a comment and let us know.

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Earlier today, Uncle Vinnie over at FilmDrunk introduced us to a vintage film that is near and dear to my heart, Miami Connection, which is about an 80s rock band that moonlights as ninjas in order to clean up the streets of Orlando and its terrible cocaine trade. And yes, I’m so amazingly pissed that I didn’t write that film.

Well, intrepid commenter Ace Rimmer doubled down on the amazeballs with a music video entitled, “The Karate Rap.” Apparently this holy-sh*ttingly incredible video has already made the rounds for the past few months, but I hadn’t seen it until today, and you get the point – it’s awesome.

Created by David Seeger and his wife, Holly Whitsock Seeger, “The Karate Rap” is a reminder that the Mayan calendar should have ended in 1987.

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