Back in May, Miami played host to the annual Exxxotica convention, which is basically Comic Con for porn enthusiasts. The event draws freaks, pervs, strippers, fetishists and porn stars from every corner of the world, and one entertainment event promoter would even have us believe that it brings in NFL stars. Athletes at a sex convention? Not in my America.

Alas, it might be true, because Kansas City Chiefs safety Eric Berry is one of five NFL players in hot water after it was discovered that they may have been promoting a party during Exxotica. A promotional image for the party, known officially as TITS Official Miami Launch/Pornstar Exxxtravaganza, showed Berry, Brandon Flowers, Kareem Jackson, Major Wright and Jacoby Ford in their respective team jerseys, which violates the NFL’s infringement policy.

Say it ain’t so, Eric! Say it ain’t so!

“In an effort to leave no doubt about my involvement, I did not attend this party,” Berry said. “I wasn’t even in Miami on May 20th. I did not have knowledge of, or consent to my name or image being used to promote any party involving porn stars. I’m upset that somehow my name has been attached to this, and am currently considering legal action against the club and event promoters. I also support any legal action the NFL is considering.

“On May 20th I was actually in Kansas City promoting a book signing with my friend and mentor Inky Johnson and raising funds for my foundation. Let’s end this lockout and play football. Go Chiefs!” (Go Vols Xtra)

If the man says he was with Inky Johnson, he was with Inky Johnson, dammit. Also, Inky Johnson sounds like either a Tyler Perry character or a horrible venereal disease.

As for the flyer, I’ve included it below and while it seems to be a case of an ambitious promoter with basic Photoshop skills, it’s also a bit odd that those are the 5 players he’d pick. I mean, at least say Jay Cutler was there autographing his new chindo.

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I receive a lot of emails from readers, happy or angry fans of this or that team, and mostly bill collectors who wonder why we don’t write more about a sport, or why I hate on certain athletes so much, or why I won’t pay my student loan, and I mostly ignore them because none of them are nice enough to include nude pics of their sisters. But every so often I receive an email that is so touching and heartfelt that I want to share it with everyone. Today is one of those days.

This email was sent by 9-year old Timmy Jenkins from Townsville City, Iowa…

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If anyone was watching the Ravens-Chiefs game Sunday, you might have noticed that the Chiefs offense wasn’t as good in the second half than the first. How’s that for good analysis? Then again, they scored their only seven points in the first quarter and had some bad turnovers, but the second half offense was somehow worse.

It’s now being said that Todd Haley, head coach of the Chiefs, took the mic away from offensive coordinator Charlie Weis and chose his own plays. Keep in mind that Weis is heading to Florida after this season, so he probably didn’t have much patience with Haley. At least, I know I wouldn’t.
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When it comes to powerhouse sports rivalries, us East Coast media elitists tend to concentrate on the big names, meaning that timeless rivalries like the Cleveland Browns and the Kansas City Chiefs go largely unnoticed and unloved. That is, unless their games involve groin-grabbing accusations and near-brawls on the sidelines. So as long as the Browns and Chiefs keep this behavior up, there will be plenty of room in the spotlight for all zero of their stars.

Anywho, Browns center Alex Mack is accusing Chiefs defensive lineman and former Brown Shaun Smith of yanking his crank while the two were matching up on Sunday. Mack claims that mutual trash-talking led to Smith giving him an unprovoked hernia test during a play, and his anger from having his horn swaggled led him to commit a personal foul call a few plays later, at which point the Chiefs went up 3-0, and eventually won 16-14, thus destroying hundreds of thousands of suicide pick leagues across the U.S.

You gotta be gentle with it, Cleveland Plain Dealer, you’re biting it:

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Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Dwayne Bowe has made a name for himself with his ability to literally drop the ball, and now he’s expanding his repertoire into the figurative realm. Bowe told ESPN the Magazine the lurid details of his veteran teammates using MySpace and Facebook to recruit female groupies to wait for the players in their hotel rooms when they would arrive for road trips. I think I speak for heterosexual males across the globe when I say: Dwayne. Dude.

Ol’ Blabbermouth explained that he first became aware of these social networking sexcapades as a rookie when the team played at San Diego and his elder teammates went as far as to fly girls into town for some… consultation. The girls, in turn, used Internet resources to learn about the players, both on and off the field, to create a feeling of comfort before they got down to the sexin’. It’s unknown whether or not the players paid the girls for sex, but if they did I’m sure Dwayne will let Sports Illustrated know all about it.

Accept my friend request, Kansas City Star:

“Anyway, these girls had the whole top floor. They know everything about us — first and last names, sisters and brothers, salary. This one girl was talking to me like she’d known me for years. ‘Hey, D-Bowe, how’s Grandma?’

“I’m like, ‘How do you know my grandma?’ She knew that I talk about her every time I’m interviewed for a story. I told her I had a girlfriend, but she didn’t care. She was wearing my jersey, sitting in my lap, making it look like we knew each other. Then she took a picture and put it on Facebook. That almost got me in trouble.”

Bowe has since met with Chiefs coach Todd Haley and the pair has been silent with the media in regard to further details. Bowe’s teammates, in the meantime, have signed the inconsistent receiver up for a Foursquare account so he can locate his talent.

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Word is out that the Kansas City Chiefs have officially parted ways with their petulant running back, Larry Johnson. I guess guys that criticize the coaching staff and address the media as “faggots” aren’t the locker room staple that they once were. But either way, it’s not a foregone conclusion that the Penn State product’s days in the NFL have gone the way of silk pantyhose and not having sex on a first date.

The Chiefs (1-7) sparked a futile comeback in yesterday’s loss against Jacksonville while LJ was suspended for an outburst in front of reporters, alluded to earlier. But debate over whether Johnson would return from his suspension as a starter, coupled with the fact that he was Johnson will now get tossed onto the waiver pile, a pile that he’ll eventually clear since he’s owed about $2 million on his current deal.

Adam Schefter is on ESPN right now saying that reaction is mixed as to whether Johnson will catch on with another team; he turns 30 later this month and seems to have too much baggage to fit in with a team that actually has its act together. I wouldn’t expect demand for an whiny, second-rate running back to be terribly high in this economy, which means he’ll probably end up in Cleveland in like three days. Crap flows to Cleveland like blondes to an ugly guy with money. It just can’t be helped.