In one of the better “Boys will be boys” stories of this early sports year, New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony reportedly took offense to something that Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett said to him during Boston’s 102-96 victory on Monday night. According to various websites, Garnett supposedly told Anthony that his wife and decision-maker, La La Vasquez-Anthony, “tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios”. Honestly, I don’t really know how that’s an insult, because it mostly just reminds me of Patrice O’Neal’s birthday cake joke (watch “Elephant in the Room” if you’re unfamiliar).

Now, if I had to guess, Garnett has never had sex with Anthony’s wife. Maybe he has, and therefore is qualified to make such a statement, but this is probably just an example of what the kids call “trash talk”. However, some people believe that this sort of trash talk crosses a line, including Anthony, who waited for Garnett by the Celtics team bus so they could settle this like men. After all, you can take the millionaire professional athlete out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the corporate product spokesperson.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riding high after their come-from-behind NCLS victory over the St. Louis Cardinals, the San Francisco Giants were not supposed to be able to defeat Justin Verlander and the Detroit Tigers in Game 1 of the World Series. In fact, there were many sports writers and fans alike that believed that the Giants and their hot, scrappy bats wouldn’t even be able to score a run off of Verlander, who is arguably the greatest pitcher in the universe right now.

Of course, all of those people were wrong and Pablo Sandoval made history last night, as he joined Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson and Albert Pujols as the only players to ever hit three home runs in one game in the World Series. Joe Morgan probably believes that he has, too, but we know better. As for his feat, the man they call Panda is humbled.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Friday, and in a week where the biggest stories on the Internet were (simultaneously) the horrible truths behind the Jerry Sandusky scandal and Daniel Tosh getting all I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA about rape being funny, I’d just as soon throw up a bunch of funny videos and tuck-and-roll my way the f**k out of it.

In that spirit, here’s a fan-made Billy Joel parody about Detroit Tigers ace/All-Star Game ruiner Justin Verlander hooking up with fanatical With Leather crush Kate Upton because everyone in Michigan is an asshole. Upton kinda sounds like “uptown”, and Billy Joel something something Uptown Girl.

Incredible, real song lyric sample:

He’s been living in his baseball world
As long as anyone with fastballs has
And now he’s looking for his big curve lass
She’s got the ass

If Verlander was an outfielder I bet he would’ve tried to rhyme “hits” with “tits”. Anyway, hurry up and watch this video before the guy uploads ‘Scenes From A Detroit-Area Restaurant’.

Read the rest of this entry »

Wait 'til you see his ping pong ball trick!

We’re playing FanDuel fantasy baseball again this week, and one way or another I’ll end up feeling like Justin Verlander. If I win, I’m the Justin Verlander who gets to shack up with Kate Upton. If I lose horribly, I’m the Justin Verlander who ruined the All-Star Game.

We’re capping the league at 275 spots this week, so sign up as soon and as often as possible. We’re letting you register up to three teams, and the entry fee is only two dollars. Turning two bucks into 500 is a pretty sweet deal, especially if you do it by clicking your mouse what … 11, 12 times? Don’t be the guy who won’t do that.

As always, here’s how we’re playing:

So yeah, SIGN UP FOR THIS THING PLZ. It’s fun, cheap, and can win you a bunch of money. I’ll let you decide how many of those describe Kate Upton.

According to people who keep a much closer watch on who athletes are dating than we do, Detroit Tigers ace Justin Verlander has been in a relationship with the same girl since college. But apparently that may have changed recently – or perhaps during the filming of a certain video game commercial – as the big news about arguably the best pitcher in baseball – who was shelled in the first inning of last night’s MLB All-Star Game – wasn’t that he would start for the American League, but that he might be dating… Kate Upton.

The comely blonde model, a native of St. Joseph, Mich., was seen by several fans in Verlander’s suite at the Palace of Auburn Hills at last Thursday’s Aerosmith concert. The two stars were joined by her BFF, model Lizzy Glynn, and his pal Frank Viola, Jr. (son of Minnesota Twins’ pitcher Frank Viola). (Via HuffPo)

Does “comely” mean obese cannibal? Wait, no. It means attractive. Thank God, I didn’t want to rant again. But the double date indeed happen, with the younger Viola even removing his pants to appease Upton’s BFF for the mechanical bull ride.

Ever since Upton showed up at a recent Tigers game and *GASP!* might have drank an alcoholic beverage – because 19-year olds never drink – there was buzz as to why this New York Yankees fan and professed Florida native suddenly had an interest in her real home state again. And now we possibly know why.

But if Verlander and Upton are actually an item, I urge her Internet boyfriends to remain calm and not be too upset. After all, it could be much MUCH worse. She could be dating Bryce Harper.

Read the rest of this entry »

"And when you're 18, I'll show you another way to make money on the Internet."

Boy oh boy, it sure is getting hot outside now that summer is here. That means it’s time to wear lighter, more revealing clothes, and it’s also a chance to spruce up your homes in case you decide to have the gang over for BBQ and a game of cornhole. You should also try that beanbag game.

Thankfully, you lucky consumers have me and my awesome Etsy searching skills to not only find you the hippest athletic gear to wear to the parks and/or strip clubs (bike shorts, fellas) but also to help appease your sports interior design bug with homemade decorations for your favorite teams. This week, it’s less about athletes and more about you and your humble abode. Oh, and also my love of breasts.

Read the rest of this entry »