Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State defensive coach who at the very least showered with young boys, touched their legs in the showers because he’s just like Forrest Gump and ended a bunch of creepy voice mail messages with “there’s nothing really to hide” and “I love you”, thinks it’s “unjust” for PSU to be fined and punished simply because he molested boys there and everyone in charge of him covered it up to maintain the integrity of their football program.

Yes, folks, Jerry Sandusky is now a judge of what is and is not appropriate.

Attorney Joe Amendola told The Associated Press in a phone interview that Sandusky told him that even if people believe he is guilty of the crimes for which he was convicted in June, it would be “ridiculous” to think Penn State administrators engaged in a cover-up.

“He said, ‘To do what they’re doing to Penn State is so unjust,’” Amendola said. “He loves the program and he loves the university … He continues to believe that the truth will come out at some point, and that he’ll get another trial or another opportunity to establish his innocence.” (via ESPN College Football)

I don’t know what kind of crazy shit the human brain can do to itself, but if denial has a sound barrier, Jerry Sandusky just broke it. I guess it isn’t fair to expect a guy like this to be aware of what he’s done, or his lawyer to have even 1% of a normal human being’s integrity and skip the whole “ONE DAY we’ll find out what REALLY happened and YOU’LL ALL BE SORRY” gag.

If Penn State is sincerely worried about making it through this scandal and moving forward as a university, I’d like to recommend buying a gross of duct tape and using it to cover the entire head of Forrest Jerr, the Paterno Family and anyone else who feels the need to destructively add to this between now and infinity.

Former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was convicted Saturday on 45 of 48 counts of sexual abuse, misconduct, and a variety of other terrible, despicable, and truly heinous charges, which means that, barring an appeal miracle, the 68-year old will rot in jail until the day that he dies. And from there he will be shuttled by a chariot of flaming skulls into the kingdom of Hell, where he will rot for eternity whilst a billion tortured souls take turns slapping him in the genitals with a cactus made of rusted nails.

Sandusky’s attorneys, who admitted that they wanted to quit before the trial began because they had no time to prepare, plan to appeal based on the grounds that the tapes that NBC submitted of Sandusky’s interview with Bob Costas were misleading. Whatever. Appeal away. Because more victims will come forward, and Sandusky will just be missing out on some lovely song time at the prison.

Other prisoners were barred from communicating directly with Sandusky, but they could see him. And when the lights went out, inmates serenaded the disgraced coach with a famous line from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.”

“At night, we were singing ‘Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone,’ ” Josh said, adding that everyone knew who Sandusky was because inmates had access to television and newspapers. The jail can hold 349 inmates. (Via The Daily)

But don’t get too excited about that old wives tale that prisoners will gut him like a fish when he enters general population. Apparently prison justice isn’t how we’ve all dreamed.

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Artist's rendering

File this one under ‘Justice.’ (Provided you have a Justice file. If not, go ahead and make one, then file it under that. I shouldn’t have to explain this, people.) A California company has purchased space on billboards in the Los Angeles area with the goal of getting information that will lead to the arrest of the men who attacked paramedic Brian Stow in the Dodger Stadium parking lot on Opening Day. From ESPN:

The search for justice for the San Francisco Giants fan who was severely beaten outside Dodger Stadium on Opening Day was bolstered by the appearance in Los Angeles on Thursday of about 200 billboards showing police sketches of the suspects, according to a Santa Cruz (Calif.) Sentinel report.

Lamar Advertising Co. donated the billboards, which tout a $100,000 reward for information that contributes to the apprehension of Bryan Stow’s attackers, according to the report.

Good on you, Lamar Advertising. I’m always happy when businesses use their resources for stuff like this. I hope this leads to the arrest of the black-hearted boobs responsible for the attack, and I hope whoever collects the reward turns right around and donates it to Brian Stow and his family. Kumbaya and sh*t.

(Unrelated: If I was a billionaire, I’d buy up tons of billboards and just use them to advance my personal agenda all the time. Sometimes I’d do good stuff like this, for sure, but other times I’d just put up pictures of Kelly Kapowski or messages like “Ugh. Enough with the stupid sunglasses people, ok?” I’d be what you might call ‘eccentric.’)