RED SOX FAN CAUGHT IN A RUNDOWN

Written by Matt / 05.05.08

A glorious development in the neverending, ever jarring blood feud between the Yankees and the Red Sox: They're finally resorting to to vehicular homicide to settle their differences rather than passive aggressive nonsense like burying jerseys under new stadiums. Early Friday morning, a female Yankees fan got into it with a Red Sox fan, presumably debating whose fanbase is more insufferable, at a liquor store in New Hampshire. She put a capstone on her argument by running him down with her car at full speed. Debate teams, take note.

"She never braked, and she accelerated at a high speed for about 200 feet. She went directly at this group of people," prosecutor Susan Morrell said of Ivonne Hernandez, who is charged with reckless second-degree murder in the death early Friday of Matthew Beaudoin, 29.

Authorities won't describe the argument beforehand in Slade's Food & Spirits, but witnesses said it heated up when Hernandez identified herself as a New York Yankees fan. Nashua, 45 miles northwest of Boston, is Red Sox country.

Look at the Globe with its obvious bias in marking the area as Red Sox country. That's only if you go by post-1968 borders! Because, you see, this rivalry is becoming worse than than Israel and Palestine. Soon, each fanbase will set up non-profits like Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting to decry seemingly innocuous remarks like that. Then Yankees fans will drive Red Sox fans into the sea. 

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TANITH BELBIN NOW BRUNETTE, STILL HOT

Written by Matt / 03.20.07

Olympic ice dancing silver medalist Tanith Belbin, best known for being ridiculously hot and rejecting Canadia as her home country, is back in the news as she and partner That Ugly Guy with the Goatee Who Finally Cut Off his Damn Ponytail are presently fifth in the World Championships being held in Tokyo. More importantly…

Although Belbin and Agosto won at the U.S. Championships in January, they wanted to change their appearance. So Belbin, for years noted as a blonde, came out as a brunette.

"It was my natural hair color anyway,'' Belbin said. "It is a little more serious look, a little more intensity.''

I, for one, support Miss Belbin in her return to brunette. Totally hot. What's the Canadian word for "hot"? Caliente?

At the same time, I'd like to correct a huge error by the AP in this article: Belbin wasn't a blonde; she had blonde streaks, and maybe if she spent a little less time at the Olympics practicing and a little more time getting her roots touched up, maybe she and that dude would have done better than silver. That's just my theory. But what do I know? I'm just an expert at hot chicks who ice dance.

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