Former Buffalo Bills quarterback and amateur Adam Sandler lookalike JP Losman signed with the UFL today. He’ll be playing (presumably) for the Las Vegas franchise, which still doesn’t have a name, but you wouldn’t name a baby that wasn’t gonna live for more than six months, would you?

“I have followed JP’s career since his early days with Buffalo where he impressed me with his raw talent, passing accuracy and on-field competitiveness,” said Jim Fassel, Head Coach of the Las Vegas franchise. “JP has all the attributes of a great professional quarterback and I am truly looking forward to working with him. I am anxious to start the season with JP at the helm of this Las Vegas franchise and show what we can do on the field.” via.

Losman was the Bills’ No. 1 pick in 2004. A lot of good that did, I’d say. So is the UFL the last stop in Losman’s NFL career? The debate whimpers on, along with one other unsettled paradox. Sure, shampoo goes on first and cleans the hair, but conditioner leaves the hair silky and smooth. Oh really, fool.

In an obvious attempt to get me to rant about my fantasy team, Drew Brees sucked up the Superdome on Monday Night Football, committing five turnovers in a 31-14 loss to the Titans.  Reggie Bush, a piece of crap that I benched out of spite, scored two one-yard touchdowns but was otherwise ineffective.

On the other side of the ball, Vince Young did his usual thing of not having great stats but generally looking untouchable and getting the win.  And when you take a step back from the 2-1 Titans, the AFC South (combined record of 9-3) is suddenly the toughest division in the NFL.

But seriously: fuck Drew Brees in the birthmark.  If he doesn't start producing, I'll… I'll… ah shit.  I'll be another guy bitching about his fantasy team.  YOU did this, Drew Brees.  C'mon, asshole, start throwing touchdowns to Bush.  Or anyone, really.  Do it for the city of New Orleans.  Don't you care about black people?