Believe it or not, there is apparently other news being made today, as opposed to whatever that nonsense is that’s going on at my local library. And the biggest news of all is that people are all, “What’s up with that?” to the new Nike bromance brewing between Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy. Somewhere Elin Nordegren is teaching Caroline Wozniacki how to find the sweet spots on a Cadillac rear window.

Wait a sec, McIlroy’s new $200 million deal isn’t the big news. The big news is that Woods and McIlroy both bailed on the WGC event in China, because BOO HOO they’re tired from playing too much golf. You know who wasn’t tired from playing too much golf? My grandfather who worked 80 hours a week in a coal mine to send his kids to school. He hated golf, so he didn’t play it at all.

But even that isn’t the biggest Tiger Woods news of the week, because you already read the headline, so you’re probably like, “Damn it, broseph, just get to the girl with the huge breasts already.” Well then, here we go…

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After Tiger Woods finished up his 34 minutes of question tennis with the press at Augusta National, Joslyn James, one of the more famous of the girls Tiger slept with because of golden showers, soreness and slapping, took to her own podium, explaining that everything Tiger said is “still a big malarkey.”

She went on to explain that, “(Tiger) is not truthful, he is not honest,” which poses the question, if an ex-porn star is still calling you out on morality, did rehab really help?

The best part of the interview (video after the jump) comes when James is leaving the press conference, and an adoring fan (or drunk homeless lady) screams, “What are your hopes for the future?”

James answered, “to be happy. To find a man that’s single and not married.”

Well ma’am, do I have a beau for you? *points at gut*

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