If you heard a big thud anywhere in Arizona back in March, it might have been Texas Rangers slugger Josh Hamilton falling off the wagon, as suggested by the latest photos to pop up on Deadspin. Hamilton–the same guy who had supposedly devoted his life to Jesus after nearly being booted out of baseball for drugs, allegedly relapsed at the now-closed Maloney’s tavern between spring training sessions in Tempe, Arizona , according to a report on the site. Somewhere Jesus is crying:

The manager came out and saw Hamilton at the bar. Hamilton introduced himself, “Hi, I’m Josh.” They made smalltalk. “Baseball season didn’t start yet, right?” the bar manager inquired. Hamilton revealed he was a player. The manager, a baseball fan, but not a huge one, finally recognized the man sitting in front of him. “Oh, you’re the home run derby guy.” Josh said yes. “Well, just for that, lemme buy you a beer,” the manager said, not knowing the full extent of Hamilton’s history. Josh said yes again. via.

It warrants indicating that Hamilton, while still married, is not seen with alcohol in any of the 12 images. He claims he’s been sober since 2005, which will certainly come under dispute over the weekend. His heterosexuality, however, appears to be above reproach. Jesus was unavailable for comment. He’s cagey like that.

To go with this morning's ensmartening written recap, here's video of Josh Hamilton's record-breaking first round at last night's Home Run Derby.  My favorite part is all the times it cuts off Chris Berman in mid-sentence.

Seriously, though: 28 home runs with 38 swings.  It's better than anyone in history, and it was done by a drug addict.  It just goes to show you, kids: if you do lots and lots of heroin, you can do anything you put your mind to.  Usually that "anything" is getting more heroin, but hey: a home run derby record is nice, too.  

The Rangers' Great Druggy Hambino Josh Hamilton stole the show even if he didn't win it last night during the Home Run Derby, launching a record 28 [homespun term for home run]s in the opening round though ultimately coming up short in the finals against Justin Morneau. In addition to being besieged by reminders of how truly intimidating it must be to bat in the mystique of Yankee Stadium (Oh my gawd! Lights! People! Professional baseball players aren't used to this!) viewers got a heavy dose of the it's-heartening-because-he's-a-white-guy back story of former heroin addict turned burgeoning star Josh Hamilton. We get it, addiction overcome. The guy was a former no. 1 pick who fucked up and righted the ship. Maybe have him string together a few years of productivity before lionizing him completely.

Hambino put on one of the best shows ever in a Home Run Derby in the opening round, but to hear Rick Reilly drone on with cornball lines like "It's a lousy night to be an athiest!" made it more than a bit difficult to really enjoy.

Also ruining things, per the usual: Yankees fans. Being insufferable dipshits, they wrestled for balls in the stands, started "asshole" chants and lustily booed Evan Longoria and Chase Utley. Lucky for viewers, Chase wasn't letting that go unanswered, as you can see after the jump.

AL – It's the set-up for a schlocky baseball movie: the young slugger and recovering drug addict steps to the plate, two outs in the bottom of the ninth, his team behind by a run with one man on, facing the best closer in the game.  If you're Josh Hamilton, you stick to the script and hit a game-winning home run off of Francisco Rodriguez.  And then celebrate with some sweet, sweet heroin.  Nah just kidding.  But he sure would like to… An overturned triple play in the seventh led to a seven-run outburst by the Red Sox, which ultimately had no effect on the 18-5 decision over the Twins.  Well, that was anticlimactic…

More AL — Sidney Ponson joined the list of crappy players who magically become good in pinstripes, after he pitched six strong in the Yanks' 2-1 win over the Rays in ten… Capped by Miguel Cabrera's walkoff homer, the Tigers rallied from six down to hand Cleveland its tenth straight loss.  That streak includes an 0-8 mark on Indians' road trip, henceforth known as the Trail of Tears.

NL — Johan Santana finally got some run support, but he wasted it by shutting out the Giants over five innings in the Mets' 5-0 win.  Billy Wagner did not pitch, but assured manager Jerry Manuel that he was available if he wanted to "make the game exciting." … Mark Mulder returned!  Well, for 16 pitches, anyway.  The Cards' starter went immediately back on the shelf, and prank-called Mark Prior to feel better about himself… Speaking of Cubs, Carlos Zambrano allowed one hit in 8 innings, dominating the Reds in a 5-1 victory.  Jesus, is this recap STILL going on?