It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on Houston rapper Riff Raff, and this is hardly breaking news, but every once in a while it’s fun to stare at a warehouse fire in complete awe. If you’re unfamiliar with Mr. Raff, he got his start on the MTV dating reality series “From G’s to Gents”. Since then, he’s become quite the YouTube star, with his freestyle rap videos racking up tens of thousands of hits. Honestly, I can only wonder, “WHY???”

But some people love the guy, as evidenced by those YouTube hits, Soulja Boy’s eagerness to sign Mr. Raff to his label, his unusual friendship with Simon Rex and Andy Milonakis, and the fact that James Franco will emulate his style and look in the film Spring Breakers. And the reason I bring him up today is because someone recently mentioned one of videos on Twitter and, just like the last time I looked this clown up, I found myself watching all of his videos again.

One of Riff Raff’s common themes appears to be sports references, like his songs “Tiger Woods” (featuring Justin Bieber’s more punchable doppelganger) and “Larry Bird“. But I prefer this video for his song “Jose Conseco” the most, both as an anthem for hater-blocking and because he misspelled our favorite Twitter troll’s name.

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Following Jose Canseco’s Twitter antics has become a little boring as of late, because he exists somewhere in between outright lunatic and classic Internet troll, and his global warming prophecies of doom and desire to coach lottery winners on how to spend their money – I ain’t kidding, folks – had everything pointing toward the latter. But then yesterday Canseco went on a seemingly crystal meth-fueled rant about haters and racism, and lost in the middle of it was him being flat out busted for using Twitter to hit on girls behind his girlfriend’s back. So that was entertaining.

Speaking of Canseco and Twitter, Heritage Auctions currently has a listing for the Texas Rangers hat that Canseco was wearing on May 26, 1993, when Carlos Martinez hit a fly ball that bounced off of Canseco’s head and over the right field wall for a home run. Canseco is certainly aware that the hat is up for auction, which is why he wants you to know that he doesn’t agree that Martinez deserved a dinger in the stat line.

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The best part of this Futsal argument escalating into a Muay Thai knockout (besides me learning what the hell “Futsal” is) is easily the YouTube commenter explaining his motivations:

This was in Russia , futsal 3rd division. I’ve asked the guy why he did that and he said he was pissed off because of the taunting on the missed tackle and being called gay.

I also would’ve accepted “he was told to stick a rubber hose up his nose so he shootkicked his opponent to death”. (via Sportress)

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He asked Domino’s if he could keep the ball, but they said “no”. The best part is either the terrified lady to his left who can’t enjoy what’s happened even after it’s done, or the slow reveal of the guy behind him with his fingers in his ears. (via Yardbarker)

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The Internet Vs. Hologram Tupac: The 20 Best Images, Photoshops, And GIFs Thus Far |UPROXX|

In Photos: The 2012 New York International Auto Show |Smoking Section|

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Last we checked in with our favorite 47-year old Twitterbug, Jose Canseco, he was declaring his intentions to track down the diabolical fiends who were conspiring against his desire to play professional baseball in Mexico by making up bogus rumors that he tested positive for PEDs. So did Canseco end up getting to the bottom of that? Well, yeah, because it turns out he indeed took testosterone, and he admitted that to the league’s El Presidente and that’s why he was banned. Huge conspiracy, bro.

Or maybe Canseco’s lack of effort in finding the real killers conspirators is just a matter of being distracted, as the overnight news of Magic Johnson being a part of the group that just purchased the Los Angeles Dodgers for $2.5 billion suddenly made Canseco eager to prove that he can still perform at the Major League level.

Sadly, even as Canseco’s Twitter hugs to his haters are still delightfully fun, this tired dream of his has grown overly pathetic, as it’s less puppy begging for food and more old, juiced-up dude begging for work. Fortunately, Canseco also reached out to another iconic “sports” figure recently, and this is more of a job opportunity that I could completely endorse.

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Sorry, folks, but we did not travel back in time to get that headline. It was announced yesterday that 47-year old hug machine Jose Canseco will not be allowed to play in the Mexican Baseball League after he tested positive for testosterone, according to league president Plinio Escalante, which is amazingly also my handle on Call of Duty. Canseco, of course, is outraged by this announcement, because, as he’s made very clear on his Twitter feed over the past year or so, he does not take performance-enhancing drugs anymore.

Sure, back in the day he took enough steroids to kill an army of centaurs, but these days Canseco devotes his time to trying to convince us – and more importantly any MLB general manager that is either desperate or high – that PEDs don’t help baseball players, and only natural skills allow players like Canseco, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa to sock 60 dingers a year.

Also, Canseco Tweeted, he never even took a piss test in the first place for the Mexican league, so how the hell could he have tested positive? Cue the Mexican soap opera suspense music!

Too bad it’s not a conspiracy and Canseco refused a drug test and admitted that he does, in fact, take testosterone because steroid use has left his plums looking like raisins.

But Canseco is still going strong about a conspiracy against him, and I think that this should actually open a new door for him.

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